The Female Ego and the Shadow of Transactional Femininity

The term “male ego” gets thrown around a lot, and much of it has been defined through evolution, culture and societal perceptions. What is largely considered to be the “male ego” are really the long-held assumptions and stereotypes about masculinity and maleness. Women, likewise, can also be in their “female ego”, but women aren’t always aware of how this ego manifests.

A woman often does not believe she has ego, because it is masked in how she loves. The female ego is the shadow of what makes a feminine woman truly devotional and radiant: it is the transactional shadow of devotion.

A woman who is rooting her identity from ego is a woman who is not tapped into life and therefore not in her feminine state of devotion, receptiveness, radiance, and natural polarity. When she lives from a perception of needing to be validated for how she loves, she is lacking in the quality of being “held” by the Masculine, on several aspects.

In contrast, a woman in her True Feminine identity rooted in God, is able to embody love and devotion for the Masculine without the need to prove herself, because she is first rooted in God.

When the Feminine lives from the female ego she can be:

• Entitled
• Love-bombing
• Performatively feminine
• Controlling
• Doubtful
• Insecure
• Proof-based,
• Passive-aggressive
• Domineering

A woman who allows these qualities to inhabit her mind and body will usually bear a grave of distrust for herself. She may be doing all the “expected” behaviors of her (especially if she identifies with a certain collective, tribe, community, or sect) but from a subconscious fear of being disapproved or dismissed. Her ego need to be included becomes the bane of her experience and she ends up embodying a most common perception of “I need to be more/I am not enough”,

“I have to be perfect”

The need to be perfect is the shadow of the feminine that sends her into her ego, instead of her feminine essence as cherished and loved. While men have more overt ego displays, women have more internal ego drives that send us into competitive states with other women or into proving states with men i.e being with a man for something he can add to us i.e. status, image etc. Along with this, a woman in her ego erects hardness and toughness as a protection mechanism against any perceived failure. None of this serves the feminine. She is at war with her body, captive by her mind, disconnected from her eros, and in conflict with what she perceives is “better”, “more” (prettier, richer, slimmer, worthier, etc).

A short list of symptoms of female ego (shadow feminine)

• Lacks a consciousness of her own well-being (codependent)
• She looks down on people who don’t meet her approval; is fueled by pride for her efforts to “love”
• Concerned about her image, and what people think, especially when she does not have a man
• Bases her self-image on her externalized femininity (even if she believes she is truly feminine)
• She appears to be meek, feminine, soft, and womanly, however, it comes from an unhealed, little girl aspect of herself that is seeking belongingness
• She appears to have the most “game” with men but is really insecure in the dating market.
• Stays in a toxic relationship because she is deceived to think that all her endurance and long-suffering is a mark of her being devoted.
• Mothers who give their sons (even in adulthood) more emotional support than is good for them- and men are oblivious to how she is being spent, burnt out, etc.
• Cannot get over her ex-lovers because she confuses love with proving her love for her man.
• She doesn’t take responsibility for her actions (perfectionism) so she blames others.
• She has difficulty with apologizing; dismisses where she is responsible for something gone awry (unrealistic expectations)
• It is very difficult for her to acknowledge brilliance in others (jealousy).

Is your femininity fetish “ego food”?

A woman who is in her female ego believes she needs to be giving more in the relationship and believes she is taking pride in nurturing her partner (especially a partner who is not her husband). Even in societal structures where “devotion” and “service” are praised as admirable qualities of a good woman, it is not uncommon to hear of women burning out for their partner or children. It is the shadow of devotional love, the classic trope perpetuated in movies, and trash literature: The “good” feminine woman who falls for the “bad boy” romanticizing that she can reform him because she unconsciously takes pride in the notion that she “inspired” his change.

You need to give the death blow to the Female Ego

While you may believe that “being feminine” is dutiful, pristine and lithe- you cannot be merciful with the Female Ego. She needs to “put to death”. You do this by your ability to "drop down” into the discomfort of being held, seen and loved, especially if you have used love as a currency of the transaction.

Integrate with masculine principles, to help you remain in your feminine. Stop “serving” or “doing ministry” that takes you out of your feminine. Work on being able to receive payment and money. Stop worshiping your man, your sons etc. know how to receive and being cared for. Receive wholeness in God.

Women: you are not the savior. You are the treasure.

You are meant to embody the identity of a Cherished Daughter of God, which is native to you as a feminine woman at the cellular level. However, this is not meant to take you into a perception of “me, myself, and I”. In ego, there is an “I have to transact for what I need” shadow. In true feminine and masculine union, there is an ancient “give and receive circuitry” of “we give and receive between us”.

An embodied feminine woman doesn’t do transactions with people she loves, she doesn’t love so that she can get love. She doesn’t “be feminine” because it is a strategy to get a “masculine man”. A Cherished Feminine has no ego, for her identity is not in being a “feminine woman”. It is in being a Daughter of God.

According to Stoicism, to be egotistical is the pride of self. In the Bible, it’s the sin of pride. In psychology, it is the view a person has of themselves and can be useful or destructive.

All that a truly masculine man expects of the feminine woman in his life is to enable him in all he does. She does this through her femininity — more accurately, her feminine essence. This “energy” is that intangible felt sense a man receives that fuels him to be in the position of strength, of leadership energy. He doesn’t need her to provide tangibles as he does. He only needs her feminine appreciation and respect.

Many women in their female ego who “love bomb” (a term true masculine men never use!), overthink what they believe they should be “bringing to the table.” This includes moms mothering their sons, then wondering why they have mama’s boys. The death blow to the female ego is necessary, otherwise, a woman can not embody her true feminine identity the Treasure (not the savior).

Women who are in their ego see men as fragile, i.e, “Isn’t it unfair if he works harder than I do?” From men, I asked: You as a woman break a man more by emasculating him this way.

Energetics > gender roles: Yes, impale me now, but this is real. I know of masculine husbands who are provider-protectors who cook at times, and it doesn’t emasculate them because their wives are in their feminine. I also know of wives who cook, because they are trying to “prove they are feminine,” which ironically is masculine.