The Darkness Within

The Darkness Within

We sometimes hear people admit the darkness within themselves. As my friend Shane puts it, “I never knew darkness until I married her!” For Shane, the darkness within him is the outcome of his experiences of the misery of his life being married to his ex-wife. He is now in a situation where his happiness and freedom are at the mercy of someone else’s hands. He said, “My body is starved for love, touch, and affection. It causes internal pain and disrupts my physical health!” I can relate to his personal attestation. When I missed the man, who means the world to me it makes me think of the song by blue October: “I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head they crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed”. Missing someone so much is darkness in itself.

I also believe that the darkness within a person is that past emotional trauma and her sad childhood programming that latches within her that may prevents her to be truly happy and to be successful in life. An M.D. Daniel G Amen confirms this. He wrote: “When the brain is not healthy for whatever reason –such as a head injury or past emotional trauma—people are sadder, sicker, poorer, less wise, and less successful”.

This darkness could linger in a person’s mind, heart, and in every cell in his body. For Vanessa it’s her deep sadness, pain, heart ache, and unfulfilled desires. A complete longing she couldn’t understand. She sometimes wakes up in the morning with aches in her heart. Her desire to love and be loved, to be touched, to be passionately make love to. Vanessa is a loner, but eccentric, romantic, sensual, so in tune with her emotions. She could strongly feel things, as well as overthink them. She could feel people’s aches and pain, as well as their happiness.

Sometimes her mind carries her away to some place where she joins a man she is attached to. A man with a handsome face, and sometimes without a face. She sees his lean, well defined, perfect shape and muscular body. She sees a beautiful man. She senses his energy, his body heat, and she could hear him breathing. In her imagination, she could literally feel his gentle touch, and the way he moves he makes her feel wanted and loved. She feels his sensuality in how he touches her, and how passionate he is in the way he caresses and kisses her. Her body would quiver, her heart rate increases, she can hear herself breathing harder. She feels her relentless energy as she arches her body and moans slowly under her breath. It’s like she’s about to lose control with the man whose body on her skin passionately taking her to her detriment and in to her insanity. Then she’d come to her realization that it is all in her imagination and then she’d burst herself out to tears and cry her eyes out uncontrollably. She reacts this way every time!

What is Vanessa battling inside? Is she sabotaging herself to her detriment? Let’s be specific. Is she struggling with loneliness, or her longing for someone to love and be loved? Is she deprived with intimacy and love? Is she depressed? It seems obvious that Vanessa has her own darkness to confront. Her mind, her thoughts, and her imagination get a hold of her.

When you feed your mind with fantasies and imaginary thoughts, your emotions get involve. And when your emotions are stronger than your mind, the result is dramatic effects –perhaps a burst of tears when you realized it’s not real. A lot of us are constantly confronting our darkness within at some point or another. The mind is powerful it can direct the body to feel something and respond to it. The more we think about things the deeper our hearts become involve and it manifests in our actions. So, if we control our thoughts, we can control our emotions which will prevent negative reactions, therefore avoid the feelings of disappointment, or even regrets.