The Biggest Red Flag That I Have Noticed on the First Date

Electric Avenue is still a thriving street in Westlands, Nairobi. Lamps are lit indicating early evening, the brightness of the neon lights illuminating the crowds waiting for the night. The atmosphere is alive with the sound of people laughing, glasses clinking and music emanating from different bars and dancing clubs established alongside the road. It was here that I was on a proper first date with Zoe, the lady from the dating site whose description of herself as an ‘adventurer’ and a ‘lover of concerts’ caught my attention.

The Initial Encounter

We ate at The Electric Avenue Bar which is famous for its unique setting and good mixed drinks. The inside of the bar was a colorful one and there were furniture with different patterns that complemented each other in the most peculiar ways. The walls of the restaurant were covered with old records and posters of famous musicians which made me think the place was very calm and relaxed.

Zoe arrived almost an hour later than expected and although that annoyed me at first, she was so bubbly I forgot about it. She was wearing somewhat of a sporty look, but chic, her hair curly and full, framing her shoulders, and she had the most enchanting smile on her face.

“Hi, you should be John,” the woman said, shaking hands with him. ‘I was sorry to keep you waiting.’ Traffic was a nightmare.”

“Hi, Zoe. Not at all,” I said, taking her hand gently in a cool, business-like handshake. “I’m just glad you made it.”

We spotted a nice quiet corner table and then we ordered a couple of beverages. I found that we could easily talk to each other about absolutely anything, from the type of music we like to listen to, to the places we have visited. Zoe was a very charismatic person, and I instantly felt attracted to her.

The Icebreaker

“Well, Zoe,” I started, clinking my glass with her’s, “what have been your wildest moments in life?”

She smiled and laughed in a way that seemed both friendly and flirtatious. ‘You asked how many secrets there are, well, there are simply far too many to count!’ But let’s see... There was a time when I secretly entered a music event by ‘jumping the fence’. But yes, it was worth it completely. I flew to see my favorite band.”

“That sounds wild! I stood amazed, “I like your sense of adventure.”

She simply said, ‘I think life is too precious to always live it in a conservative manner.’

Moving On

We ordered a couple of drinks and soon started laughing, after which Zoe proposed we go to another bar that, as she said, had a live band. I was more than willing to extend the evening. We chose to drive there, and when we were half way through, we pulled into a petrol station to use the restroom and grab a few snacks.

The Red Flag

It was well illuminated inside the gas station and this was quite in contrast to the environment outside which was more of darkness. On entering the store, Zoe took my hand leading me to the snack section. We continued joking as we discussed the usefulness of various kinds of crisps and chose a bag of spicy ones.

“Wait a minute, I have to pick something else,” Zoe rose and walked towards the shelf with drinks. I trailed behind her, wondering what drink she was going to pick. She grasped a bottle of Coke and put the item inside the pocket of the jacket. Before I could make something out of it, she took the packet of crisps and repeated the same.

“Zoe, what are you doing?” I murmured, and my words sounded surprisingly anxious.

She eyed me with a mischievous smile. “Relax, John. It’s just a couple of snacks. They’ll never notice.”

I stood there, unmoving, as she just strolled out of the store with the items without making any form of payment for them. My thinking was in overdrive as I tried to find the meaning of what had just occurred. Was this a joke? A test? I followed her quickly, my heart thumping in my chest.

The Confrontation

“Zoe, wait,” I said, jogging after her as we stepped outside. This is analysed as: “You can’t just walk out without paying.” That’s stealing.”

She used this opportunity to roll her eyes and laughed. “Oh, come on, John. It’s just a couple of bucks. Don’t be such a buzzkill.”

I could not help being shocked by her indifference. “But it’s still wrong. What if we get caught?”

“We won’t. ”Don’t worry, I’ve done this a million times,” she stated with disdain, shooing away the air in front of her with the flick of her wrist.

Her naked violation of the norms and lack of remorse when practicing theft was something that turned me off. It said a lot about her personality and her ignorance toward other people. Despite having a great time throughout the evening, I couldn’t look past what had just occurred.

The Turning Point

We went to the next bar in the car and although we used to engage in quite an animated conversation earlier, now there was stiffness and tension. I really felt that this was the moment that would define the entire course of the journey. Zoe’s actions had broken the innocent, adventurous character she had given the audience and this was a side of her that I couldn’t turn a blind eye to.

In the next bar, she was completely unaware of my discomfort; she was laughing and dancing to the music. I, however, could not participate as actively due to certain factors that are discussed below. The stolen snacks made me very confused and started doubting a number of things.

The Aftermath

When the night was over, I realized that I had to talk to her about the matter one more time. “Zoe, I want to be truthful with you.” “Do not say this, Kiera, but what you did back at the gas station really bothered me.”

She glanced at me and there was surprise in her look. “Seriously? You’re still on about that?”

Yes, because anyone who goes out of their way to shop wherever they live must consider it a big deal. It is not as simple as the snack. It is about honesty and courtesy.

She sighed, shaking her head. “I guess that’s just it, John – we’re just different.” It is not a problem in my eyes but I understand that it is important to you.”

I was certain that this would be the first and the only date we would ever go on together. It was evident that there was a clash of values between Zoe and I, proven by the things she did and how she reacted to my apprehensions. Although she was exciting and experienced, she was unconscientious on the questions of truth and morality, which I could not treat lightly.

The Lesson Learned

First dates are always a bit of anxiety and eagerness, and a stage where we come to see and understand each other’s peculiarities, preferences, and principles. They can give hope of a beautiful future or signal that danger is lurking just around the corner. The worst thing that I have ever seen on a first date is a complete lack of integrity. It is a signal which should not be overlooked because it relates to a person and his/her attitude towards other people.

So, to anyone navigating the world of dating, remember this: focus on the details, because sometimes they unveil the overall picture. Thus, it is these flags that assist with making wiser decisions for ourselves and optimizing our chances of discovering a person with similar principles.