The $5 Shoes

Dear Mom, I know how much you look forward to receiving letters in the mail, but that's not the only reason I'm writing to you today. See, Mom, I think it's time to let you know who I really am. I'm not your good little girl anymore, Mom, and now it's time to come clean.

But before I come clean, I want to talk about one other thing. My little Rosy will be thirteen next week, Mom, and she's so beautiful; I love her so much! The other day she came to me with a dilapidated pair of sandals dangling from her thin hands. She needed new sandals, but didn't have enough allowance and her old ones obviously had outlived their usefulness. It made me think back. Do you remember the summer we lived in Colorado Springs, Mom? I do...

We were so poor we could barely make the bills and eat, and times were tough. It was a warm, spring afternoon, and I was sitting outside under the tree, listening to the birds sing, when you came out with a big smile and put your arms around my shoulders. You wanted to know if I could walk three miles, and I said sure, but why? You held out a five dollar bill and then slipped it back in your pocket. Sandals are on sale, you told me, but it's the shoe store that is a mile and a half down the road, so three miles round trip. I needed new shoes so badly, but we also needed that money for food. I knew you had to have made a hard decision in order to get five dollars aside for my new shoes, but that one small gesture changed my relationship with you, and how I thought about you. The shoes were so cool, and I had two new blisters when we got home, remember, Mom?

The day she came to me, her sandals hung limply from her hands, straps worn through, and the buckle on the side bent. Your intuition and love as my mom changed my life, so I handed Rosy the money for new sandals, gave her a hug, and told her to thank you next time she see's you. It's because of the way those sandals changed my relationship with you that I feel I can share something with you now, that I should have shared with you before.

I hope after I tell you, that you will still feel the same about Rosy and me. So go get some coffee, and then sit back down and finish the letter. I have a lot to say.

Okay Mom, here we go. Do you remember that girl you disliked, Karen, who used to come and visit me when I had that apartment in town? And then, you never understood why, but I left and moved to that little cabin in the Lost Forest? You asked me about Karen and I told you she and I were staying together? Well, that was only half the truth. Karen was pregnant, and she had the baby while we were at the cabin. She didn't seem excited about the baby, but then she said her boyfriend had told her he didn't want anything to do with it, so I understood her mood. The baby turned a week old and we had a little celebration.

The next morning I woke to the sound of the baby crying. She was wet, hysterical, hungry, and her little face was all pinched in and red. I picked her up and cradled her in my arms, but Karen was nowhere to be found. I called her cell and the number was no longer working, I called the guy she said was the father, but he said he hadn't seen her in months. I called everyone I knew that knew her, but no luck. Days turned into weeks, and then months without a word from Karen.

know I should have called Social Services and given the baby up, but I was so attached by then, and that's when I told you I was trying to adopt, that I wanted a child in my life but wasn't ready for marriage. I'm so sorry for having lied to you Mom, but I had grown so attached, and I couldn't stand the thought of that tiny girl ending up in foster care or in an orphanage. I know you couldn't stand Karen, and I took a risk of her coming back, but it has been worth it, Mom, especially considering I couldn't have children after that accident I had when I was 9. You remember?

I've kept a very horrible secret from you for all these years, and from Rosy, but I didn't do it to be mean, I did it to protect everyone and also out of fear that you would no longer welcome us in your life if you knew Rosy was Karen's daughter, and that I had basically stolen her.

So, if you love me and you love Rosy, call me and tell me we can still come and visit you. I love you and so does Rosy, and she isn't responsible for what choices I made.

I love you Mom, and I will wait for your call.

It had been weeks since I sent the letter, and I was beginning to grow worried that my Mom would never forgive me. I walked over to the window when I saw a reflection of light, and in front of my house was a yellow cab, and out of the back door my mother was pouring herself out of the cab, bags overflowing from a shopping spree, and I knew what her decision was.

I ran from the house, my arms wide open and a huge smile on my face.