Taking a Tumble

I’m a very clumsy person. I’ve fallen backwards off a couch (how does that even happen?), I’ve faceplanted while bowling (caught on video too, lucky me!) and I’m queen of that awkward dance that happens when you pass a stranger on the street. My clumsiest moment to date, however, happened in college.

One thing I’m quite proud of is that I have never fallen down the stairs. It’s a weird badge of honor but I wear it with pride. Sadly, that does not mean that stairs have never been involved in my ungraceful resume.

It was gloomy. It was raining. I rushed to my chemistry lecture among a sea of swarming sophomores. It was a proper migration and I couldn’t see my own two feet, much less what was ahead of me. As I attempted to shield my eyes from umbrella points while also paying attention to where I was walking, I realized we were nearing the Rocky-like steps that led to the building entrance. So, like any average person would, I slow down a bit and feel the concrete out with my foot. Of course that earns me a few agitated tsks from behind me. College students really do act like they’re saving the world by going to class, don’t they?

I probably should have mentioned that I was wearing a maxi dress that day. Yep. Can you see where this is going yet?

The ascent begins. I don’t know which way is left or right, but I do know which way is up. And that is my focus. One step, two step, red step, blue step. I’m wondering if I brought my clicker to class for a surprise lecture quiz. I’m realizing I never had breakfast. I’m walking up and up, faster and faster and inevitably...I stumble. I stumble going UP the stairs. Remember those agitated tsks from before? They have multiplied in agitation and in number. When did it become cool to be so annoyed all the time? I’m rushing, I’m huffing and I’m puffing so it didn’t surprise me that this happened. The stumble happened once...then twice…. then a couple of steps later it happened a third time, and with a real plunge too.

I need you to understand how mortifying this is. Falling down stairs is already embarrassing. Falling UP the stairs moves you to a new level of humiliation. Falling UP the stairs more than once moves you to the VIP box of absolute shame.

My dress was completely soaked through and my ankles hurt but here is the thing. I’m a pro at clumsiness by now and do you know how I deal with it? I laugh. I laugh because, come on, it’s absolutely hilarious. I’m usually not gravely hurt, so I don’t take it too seriously and I move on. I know I’ve made a friend for life if they can learn to laugh with me in times like these, it’s a key factor in my relationships. So after the third stumble, I start to giggle a little. And then I just stop walking and I start to LAUGH. I look around at the tskers, eyes tearing (or maybe it was the rain?) I nonverbally invite them to laugh with me and they just stare. They simply stare. They give me looks of pity, which is definitely worse than the agitation, let me tell you.

I then look behind me and realize I have made a few others take a little tumble as well.

This is when it hit. My laughter died down. My stomach knotted. It was at this moment that I realized the only thing that I could do, the only thing that anyone could do..

We completely ignored everything that had just happened and we went to class.