Supposedly Alone

I have never been in, or wanted to be in a relationship. By this I mean marrying, being engaged to or proposing, cohabiting, dating, having a girlfriend/boyfriend/enby freind etc etc. I will never be in one in the future.I think I covered everything.

I am just me- a person who is currently living. I don't want someone to complete me. I know for a fact that I will die as I lived- supposedly alone.

I struggled all my life when other people spoke about their crushes. I've never had a crush and I'm 30 in a few months! How exactly can one person out of the current 8 billion population be so important? Did that person prevent a nuclear demise? or stop WW3? Do they have Olympic medals? Did they make contact with aliens? In the overwhelming majority of cases the answer is obviously no! So then why is that person the one you are obsessed with?I mean why is that person's eyes so pretty and you admire everything about them?! Seriously! I think about enacting scenes in which I've heard other people talk about their crushes in a Punch and Judy set up just for laughs. Or a viral video?

I just want to live my life. I want to wake up in a bed in which in had been snoring away the whole night.I also been rolling around in the bed without fear of knocking the other person out. I also farted in it.I want to live in a small, eco-friendly house, with just about enough room for one.

I don't want to be at risk at partner violence. You are genuinely more likely to be killed by a family member on a celebration related day than by a complete stranger. This isn't just some trivia quiz stuff.

I want to eat what I want, when I want, watch what I want, when I want.I want to never have to compromise. I don't want to deal with divorce , especially since I have no interest in marriage in the first place. I want to get up and go to bed how I want. I really am my own best friend.

I have been this way ever since I can remember. It was only when I was in my early teens that I realized that there was a word for who I am. I was overjoyed. It finally explained everything. I then realized that if a word existed, then there must be others like me. And I was right.

You see, loneliness is not being alone, but not having anyone who shares your experiences, views, passions and interests. Especially if they are very rare. So when I found these people, I thought that I had won the lottery! None of us wanted relationships. Some of them had other things like lifestyles or political/sociological/economic views that brought us into conflict with each other. But by and large, most of them understood what it was meant to be "forever alone" and thrive.It was like finding a specific sea sponge in the whole ocean.

That is not to say I don't have other interpersonal relations. Not at all. I am a good family member, guild member, friend, employer, client, customer and so much more! People have said that I am a good (insert relationship here) because I have so much time. I wonder how that came about hmmm... Is it because I had a time machine? Or because I don't want to spend my whole life with a "life partner".

I am very happy just the way I was designed to be. I know it, because well I know myself well enough to say that this is who I am, and who I'm meant to be. My authentic self.

So as I mentioned earlier- I will die the way I lived- apparently alone.