Social Sobriety

I am recovering... from social media addiction.

There, I said it. Outed myself. Admittance is the first step, right? ..errr, is it acceptance? I should definitely brush up on that one. Whatever the real phrase is, it has to do with awareness of the problem. And the immense amount I had to have of this situation to fix it.

The recognization that I was spending way too much time absentmindedly scrolling. Instead of being in the present moment, I found myself wrapped up in the pixelated version of the world. Living for what was on the screen. More so than the real image I saw through my eye's lens. The constant bombardment of other people and all their drama shattered my focus into nanoparticles.

My brain was spent. Mush. Thoughts racing around, being spread too thin to ever be grasped.

So a couple days before the fireworks-and-champagne celebration (or spicy tuna roll and IPA in my case) of the New Year, I got a head start on my resolution. To quit social media.

Well, take a break. For... a little bit. Go on a social networking fast of sorts. Quiet the noise of the masses. Clear my mind of the constant need to check up on anyone and everyone.

The internet is such a lovely way to keep in touch over long distances. What's intended as a gentle handshake, however, can quickly tighten into an iron fist. A grip so solid it's almost impossible to escape.

I decided to embark on a twenty-one day journey without social media. Because three weeks breaks a habit, and that's not even a full month... piece of cake, I naively thought.

My constant, unconscious scrolling and the never-ending, empty search for instant gratification had to go. It was time to turn a new leaf and start tuning out the sound of everyone else. Quiet down my little corner of the universe. So I could hear how to make it as joyous as humanly possible.

A kind of peace that only comes when you're fully connected to your reality. Grounded in the goodness that this world has to hold.

I proceeded to put Instagram, Facebook and yes... even, well especially TikTok into a little folder on my phone screen. A little timeout corner. Keeping only two apps. Facebook messanger for communication reasons, and Snapchat. Because I convinced myself that one wasn't really a problem anyway, right?

Wrong.

I found myself hopping on that app way more frequently than before. Watching through everyone's stories instead of maybe tapping through one or two. I had originally convinced myself it was safe to stick around... it kept me in good touch with friends and family from afar, after all. But it quickly sucked up all my attention. In that focus redirection, though, I was given a crystal clear glimpse at the cause of the problem.

It wasn't the socials, it was me.

I was searching for a sense of community. A belonging that begins at home, inside yourself, not a thousand miles away.

I was hooked on the dopamine hits that come with scrolling the tiny screen. A fleeting feeling of joy that is so quickly swept away.

I was trying to build a city on sand. Fortifying a holographic fortress on ever-shifting footing.

Attempting to live my life in two different worlds. Rather than being who I truly am and letting it overflow into both. Filling my own cup first, so I could pour unto others freely and fully.

Sharing my life experiences started innocently enough. Wanting to connect with others doing similar things. But it ended up spreading me way too thin. Suddenly seeking to fill the validation void that human connection gives. A process that social media, when used properly, helps facilitate; but when abused, destroys.

The first week, I caught myself on the apps multiple times. Opening my phone to text my sister back, and suddenly finding myself mindlessly perusing my Facebook feed. But my head was already quieter.

By week two, I had my revelation about Snapchat and deleted that. Another level down on the decibel scale. The volume of other's opinions was being muffled, but then I was left with something even worse.

My own mind.

It was still running a mile a minute, but at least with thoughts I could actually address and control. I decided to redirect that energy into more productive matters.

I started painting again. Shitty watercolor versions of sunsets. But looking at them filled me up more than one hundred perfectly curated, aesthetically pleasing shots on the ol' gram.

I continued writing, for me. Stories, poems, songs... whatever I felt like expressing and feeling. It wasn't for anyone else besides myself. And whoever ended up enjoying it, of course.

I snapped pictures of every day scenes; my coffee on the counter, a piece of freshly sliced star fruit, and random city sidewalks. I got artsy with it. Finding beauty in the day to day... and you wouldn't believe the treasures hidden in plain sight when you polish up your perspective.

By week three, I've decided to further extended the hiatus. From twenty-one days to an even forty. I feel like the addiction is beginning to dissolve, but I want it eradicated.

Redirecting the urge, to constantly express myself to others, inward. Giving my soul the attention it has been craving. Giving my voice the spotlight.

I'm now fully committed to allowing my mind all the peace that it needs. Full rest from societal expectations by focusing on the now. I have vowed to keep the noise from the bustling world to a minimum.

Only tuning into the static when I feel I can use it properly. As the golden tool for connection and knowledge that it's meant to be.

Growing up with social media... like literally right alongside her, made me the open-minded person I am. The shadow side to guinea pigging a new form of community hid from me for too long. But I've finally shed light on that monster.

When I log back in, I will be doing so with a profound awareness. Consciously choosing the volume and the frequency.