Separation

Experiencing separation is experiencing loss.

 The loss of a partner, an anticipated future, a family structure, and the very location we called home and felt secure no longer seems safe.

Broken hearts, emotional upheaval, sadness, rage, arguing, fear, and so on all contribute to an environment in which you feel anything but cared for.

Friends would gather around you and want to take you out to either "celebrate" your escape or lament about what a jerk your ex is. 

 It seems difficult to escape your tale and new reality. 

Nobody delivers pot roasts or creates a supper tree for you and your children.

You are now the single buddy, yet you spend your weekends alone while everyone else is with their families.

Because of the stigma and preconceptions associated with separation, it is extremely difficult to get the available help, whether from someone near or someone you don't know, such as a coach or support group.

Before I tell you about my experience with separation, I would like to underline what being a woman means.

For some, womanhood is strength. For others, it's tenderness. 

Womanhood might be pushing yourself in your career, or helping lift others up - or both!

It is not defined by relationships, employment, physical parts, or anything else - it is determined only by You.

I believe we are witnessing the very beginning of the realization that femininity is more than a collection of body parts and functions that were never generalized to all women in the first place.

Womanhood is far more complicated than chromosomes or the ability to bear children.

 When asked, "What does being a woman mean?" there are around a million answers, which vary daily.

Being a woman is having a strong sense of self, accepting your body as it adapts and evolves through time, being self-assured, and investing in the people in your life.

It means you have the foresight to be appreciative of what you have while being eager for more.

Being a woman means fighting for change on topics that matter, speaking up for those who can't, and standing with other women to show them that they matter.

 Womanhood means looking out for other women on all levels.

It means not being ashamed of sobbing when a good sob can make everything better, laughing like a five-year-old, being courageous when you don't feel brave, feeling vulnerable, and being proud of those vulnerabilities.

 Vulnerability is Courage!

It's about feeling empowered and empowering those around you.

We, women, are at our best when we are caring and loving individuals.

How does separation affect women?

If you've recently broken up, you're undoubtedly feeling a range of strong emotions, including grief, rage, uncertainty, loneliness, and maybe even relief.

Heartbreak is one of the most terrible experiences you may have in life, yet it can also help you develop and learn about yourself.

 It is a pure source of growth!

It is a time when you learn self-love!

Have you ever felt as though your world is collapsing around you?

Sure you have, and so have I.

 After a 30-year relationship, my separation felt like a knife in the gut. 

It's as if everything I've dedicated my soul to comes crashing down, one brick at a time, one horrible event at a time until there's nothing left to stand on.

 That's when I knew it was time to move on.

That's when I realized that my tale is about to take a 180-degree shift, and I needed to rewire my head and start thinking about laying the fresh groundwork.

 That is exactly what happened to me and is still happening as I write this. 

I am in the middle of my separation. I am currently constructing the foundation of my life from the ground up, brick by brick, on my own.

During these hardships, I understood how strong and powerful I am, and that once I believed in myself, I could accomplish anything I set my mind to.

 I have dedicated my whole life to helping others unconditionally.

Now it's time to give that love to me.

Self-compassion entails loving and respecting oneself without passing judgment.

 I know, easier said than done, but with daily affirmation, you can let go of self-judgment.

Becoming a woman independent of any relationship is an intensely personal journey that requires strength, introspection, and ambition. 

Separation, after a long relationship, can be painful, but just as with anything else in life, it is the starting point of something new. 

The process involves difficult decisions and transition periods that require willpower and self-love.

'We are all born in one gender and die in the other, but our happiest moments are in between.' -Zora Neale Hurston.

What I take with me:

 - Forgiveness

 - Inner strength

 - Healing

- Self - love

- Fear is a Wolf: Chase the wolf

 - The realization that I am capable of accomplishing everything I set my mind to

- It is better to be alone than in the bad company

- Gratitude for the 2 beautiful children this relationship has created

- The understanding that I can't change anyone who does not think their behavior is hurtful. Only those willing to improve themselves will make that change.

- I can't make anyone love me just as no one can make me love them - Heart is free!

- I am my own competitor

- The scars I can't see are worse than those I can see

- Happiness is an inner journey - it does not come from the outside

- There are no mistakes, only lessons.

 - Turning 50 isn't as scary as I thought.

Even though the person in the mirror may look a little older and have a few more silver hairs, I still feel like a kid inside.

What I let go:

- My old self

 - Resentment

- Anger

- Fear

- Self - doubt

- Negative energy

It can be difficult to see the silver lining when you're in the midst of a breakup, but with time and healing, you will start to see that heartbreak can be an opportunity for growth.

 Here are a few tips on how to bounce back from the heartbreak of separation:

 (tips that have helped me in my healing journey)

1. Grieve

Give yourself time to grieve. 

 It's important to allow yourself to feel all the emotions you're experiencing, whether they are anger, sadness, regret, or relief.

Cry if you need to, but don't dwell on the negatives.

2. Take some time for yourself

It is important to give yourself time to grieve and heal. 

It's simple to neglect your own needs while you're experiencing heartbreak. 

However, sorrow physically exhausts you as much as it does emotionally. 

The same brain circuits are used to process both physical and emotional pain.

Exercise, meditation, and deep breathing are all effective energy-saving techniques. 

Don't punish yourself for it though. 

Simply trying to eat and remain hydrated may make a big difference.

One day at a time, take it slowly.

3. Lean on your support system

Whether it is your friends, family, or a therapist, it is important to have people you can talk to about your experience.

These people can support you and help you see things from a different perspective.

4. Go outdoors

Spending even 2 hours a week outside has been shown to benefit both your physical and emotional well-being. 

It would be fantastic if you could visit some stunning landscapes.

Even routine neighborhood strolls might be beneficial.

5. Do not try to numb the pain

Numbing the pain would only enhance it.

Consider allocating 10 to 15 minutes every day for you to notice and experience your melancholy.

If you pay close attention to it, you can notice that it appears less and less during the day.

6. Practice self-love

Consider how you would assist a close friend or member of your family who was struggling. 

 How would you respond to them? How may you demonstrate your concern?

Apply the same solutions to yourself.

7. Connect with yourself

You could feel a bit confused about yourself and who you are after experiencing a significant loss or shift.

This can be accomplished through engaging in physical activity, spending time outside, or connecting with your spiritual and philosophical views.

Final Thoughts:

Separation is never easy, but it is possible to bounce back.

First and foremost, it is important to love yourself. 

 This means taking the time to heal and exploring what truly makes you happy.

Secondly, do not settle for anything less than what you deserve. 

Knowing your worth will make it easier to find happiness again.

Finally, remember that it is okay to be single. 

This time can be used to focus on you.

Everyone experiences grief differently, and it doesn't follow a schedule.

Stay away from phrases like "I should be moving on by now," and give yourself as much time as you need to recover.

Thank you for reading…