Seeking Love

Love is a big and meaningful word, it connects and binds everyone. But what if this meaningful word has no meaning to you at all? Will you ever come to realise the actual meaning of it?

When i was a young girl, i would often be left alone specially at home, my parents would always be out. At a very young age i would do everything myself, i was forced to grow up and learn things quickly, from making my own meals, getting myself ready, simple house chores and many more. You might think that a young girl like me should be out and hving fun, enjoying the youthness that would only happen once. In my case, i felt like i was robbed to feel and enjoy. I was never close to my parents and brother. My brother and I have a 9 years aged gap, which just made it harder for me to talk to him, his thoughts about me are different as well, just to make it short he never really finds me as his sister, he finds me more of a stranger, someone that he always need to fight over with.

I would always try to make friend and join a group. Howeve, kids from school always makes fun of me, at the end of the day i find myself alone in the corner enjoying my own company. Most of the time i envy those kids who can make friends quickly, who can share laughter, shake snacks with ther friends. This kind of set up just happens all the time tilli finishes my Senior High School.

During my Senior High School i met a boy, at first i thought i don’t like him, but days passed by that i always see him, and one day i thought i liked him, i approached him, we talked abouts things till we get to know each other. As i graduated, he is still by my side, and i have been thinking that maybe i love him already, but the thing is that i never really know what and how love feels. Though i never really know what it is, i kept on going out with him, till i find myself, looking for him, like a cannot detached myself from him. And t this point i kept on asking myself, i this what love feels? Is what i am feeling is love? But till now i still cannot answer myself.

Would time help me to find the answers i am seeking? Or would i ever know what love is? Is this what happened to those people who were robbed by their own happiness? Who were robbed by a loving nurture of parents and people around them? Was it my fault that i was treated this way? was it? I feel like i am in a cage, where there is unending sadness and torture. Will i ever be free from this? If yes, when?

Will I Ever find peace and happiness in my lifetime? I have so many questions but there are very few answers. Will i ever find the answers to my unending questions and will i ever know what love is?

Love can be a torture in all forms that you wound not expect, and from my experience i felt the pain of love since i was a little, where i have no one to hold onto when i badly needed someone to help and protect against this cruel world we are in. I am in desperate need to know the genuine meaning of love and the real feeling it can give.