Sayonara

We met in junior high, 2004. We didn't become friends immediately, I will admit I think she was threatened by me (as narcissistic as that sounds), and I was uninterested in her. When I started attending her junior high, we clashed - a lot. We wrote rude notes to each other, gossiped, and tried to split apart our mutual friend group. She earned the title "Drama Queen" very early on, and wore that crown well, even at thirty-one. One particular petty fight led to her claiming I was bullying her and she called her mom to pick her up. Even as I rack my brain to try to remember all the details, I just cannot. One thing I do remember is, her mother telling her, "if you don't want to get caught saying something, don't put it down on paper for people to read." I will forever remember these wise words from such a bitchy woman.

Over the course of our high school years, we grew as friends. After I stole her boyfriend, as one does in high school, of course, there was always this secret game between us. Like a competition of sorts, only, she was the one playing, and I was the one just trying to be a normal teenager. She always had to one-up everyone in her circle. If someone was struggling with something - she was struggling more; if someone succeeded in something - she succeeded more. It was like that all the time.

We lived together - briefly - in 2011. I moved in with her and we had all these great plans that we were going to do together. I know we were both so excited, but then, her boyfriend unofficially moved in. Never left. Never contributed. Ate all the food. I hated him. I wasn't the relationship type person, so my 21 year-old brain wasn't really understanding why she was letting him do all of this lie to her, and basically walk all over her. Our friendship temporarily ended when I abruptly decided to move out. I didn't have any friends there (except her), I was struggling to find a decent job, and I was lonely and miserable. I did not leave her on good terms - looking back, I know I could have handled it all much more maturely, but I just wanted to get the fuck out.

A couple years passed and she married the terrible boyfriend and had a kid and they moved to Wyoming where she attended university and majored in Psychology (this is important). Fast-forward to present day. She lives across the state, about eight hours away, is divorced from shitty boyfriend turned husband, and even acknowledges that she knew I was right about him. Listen, I am not a good long distance friend. I can admit that. I have never not been aware of that about myself. I wish I was better, but to be honest, for a long time I was very selfish and if you weren't present in my daily life, I kind of forgot about you. I am trying to be better about that. I have a toddler who just turned three. She has two children, whose ages I cannot remember right now. Over the course of my relationship with my partner, I have had the displeasure of close friends and family members dropping out of my life. I cannot say it is because of him, because that would be insane, but he is unlike anyone I have ever been with and nothing like anyone from the shrewd and fake town I grew up in. As soon as we started dating, I told myself that if I was going to be with him, I have to accept all of him, because if I didn't that meant I didn't really love him. I am not his mother, I cannot change him to be someone he isn't and the person I fell in love with is still the same person he is right now.

All of that to say, he hates this friend. I am unsure what it is about female friendships where we talk shit about them to our partners but cannot comprehend just having an honest discussion with them about what's bothering us. I mean, I get it, no one enjoys confrontation. I just think we would all benefit from a little more honesty - and I say that with a branch in my own eye. This friend and my partner have gotten into quite a few Facebook arguments. One of the most recent ones regarding my toddler being manipulative. I will firmly say, I don't think toddlers know how to be manipulative. I do not support her thesis. And neither did my partner, who does not shy away from confrontation. I made a joke about getting played by my daughter because she had gotten sick early in the morning which led me to make the decision to keep her home from school and within a few hours she's running around like a maniac a.k.a. typical toddler behavior. Apparently, to this friend, that meant she was manipulating me and seeing what she could get away with, because that is what her daughter does to her all the time and she is a "master manipulator". Which, yes, I know children push boundaries, that's the purpose of our roles as parents and theirs as our children - we are the enforcers of rules and the guiders of their development and behavior. As someone who constantly throws in anyone's face about being a Psych major, I didn't feel like she was making sense in her argument about a three year old. Also, what is it about psych majors feeling like they need to diagnose everyone and believing like they know all the answers to everything. She is a case worker for goodness sake, she doesn't even counsel people. Not to diminish her job or title, but come on!

But what does this have to do with Bluey?

I am getting there.

If you are unfamiliar with the Australian animated kids' show Bluey, you must watch it. Stop reading this, log on to Disney+ and watch it. The show is amazing. It has honestly helped me be a better parent. It's a show of a family of blue heelers. Mom and Dad (Chilli and Bandit) and their two young daughters (Bluey and Bingo). They're approach to parenting is very similar to mine and my partner's, which is nice to see on television. It is so much more realistic that Peppa Pig and not nearly as annoying as Cocomelon.

I shared a post about how overstimulating Cocomelon is for young children and how some parents are noticing behavior issues with their toddlers and have resorted to doing detoxes - which is a lot if you thing about it. Detoxing a three year old off a kids show? That's wild to me. Anyway, I jokingly wrote "Stop letting your kids watch Cocomelon and start watching Bluey instead", because I firmly stand behind all that Ludo studios does with the show and I think more parents need to watch it. Many people even suggest that it is more of a parenting show than it is a kids cartoon. My friend commented that her daughter had been pulling her pants down and spanking her butt and when she asked her where she learned it, she said from watching Bluey. I was shocked. That isn't really behavior that's represented on the show. I told her about the episode titled: Copycat, where Bluey is copying her dad and in a silly moment he smacks his bottom to be silly. But that is it. I then suggested that she watch the show with her. Her response was it annoyed her and she did other odd behaviors that she told her she learned from the show and so now she doesn't let her watch it. Which is fine, to each their own. I love the show, I advocate for the show, I think that it is a great guide to the gentle parenting approach that so many of us millennials are trying to take.

This is where it gets bad, folks.

I made a joke to my partner, "but how can she believe what her daughter is telling her if she is a master manipulator?"

Bad joke, I know.

My partner, the comedian that he is, commented just that in response to her comment. Yikes.

It did not bode well.

I will spare you of all the gritty details, but basically I need to do a better job of controlling a grown-ass man, how I was never there for her as a friend because I don't answer her (she's not wrong, I hardly answer anybody. I prefer to be present in the presence of my daughter and I get busy, so sue me), and even when he did try to text her to apologize - of his own volition! - she refused to read his "bullshit apology".

If you don't want to watch Bluey, you don't have to. It may very well be a cult and I will be its cult leader, but toddlers don't have the capacity to be manipulative and it is one of the purest shows on television right now.