Reset Your Password

"Reset Your Password"

Here we go again. Another 90-day password change on this crazy, so-called ENTERPRISE network system. As usual, I have a deadline that coincides with this crazy-ass password change timeframe.

I'm beginning to get a bit paranoid about this thing. I'm new enough to this job that maybe, just maybe, this is their way of quietly letting me go. They're probably trying to coerce me out of my chair and start heading to the HR office that's just close enough to the exit that they'll have security waiting there on me to escort me out without me causing a scene or something. Maybe these bastards have all my paperwork drawn up and set aside with some lame-ass letter that tells me about my last paycheck and what little benefits I have left before I have no more. I'm sure they're tired of me using up the medication benefit for my viagra. I can just hear their sneers at the old man with a freaky habit, "let's get rid of his ass." All those young women working in the HR department probably think I'm some sort of pervert. "What? They never heard of erectile dysfunction?" I wish I could yell out "fuck you!" to their faces for thinking so poorly of me.

Oh man, maybe it's because I criticized their old, antiquated Microsoft software that somehow still works in this day and age. I couldn't convert the work I was doing at home into what I was using at the office. They probably hate that shit. Anyway, I'll change the password and put my mind at rest for the time being.

Uh oh, what do you mean that I can't use a similar password? Don't they know that I have a system on how I remember all these passwords? It's the same pattern I always use and it's been good up until now. I should call the helpdesk. No! that's what they want, me to show that I'm unable to keep up with modern times and all this new password shit. I call them and they add one more checkmark to the list of why they shouldn't ever hire older people in a role like this. No, I can't do it. I must present a unified front with the other above 40-year-olds working here. They're not going to get rid of "US" like that.

Ok, let me change up my pattern and write it down somewhere. Ok, instead of a capital letter, lowercase letters, numbers, and then a special character, with 12 digits, I'll go with everything backward. A special character, numbers backward, a capital letter, and then some fancy word.

"What!!!" still didn't work.

Now I know something's wrong. I need to be smart about this. I don't want to be fired and I don't want to push their hand. I need to keep this crazy ass job. As much as I complain about it, I like it here and some people actually get me. Ok, I know what to do.

I know a little bit about the law, and this seems like a constructive dismissal, not really but close enough. I'll ask a lawyer. With my age and my skill level, they'll have to think twice about getting rid of me, or at least they'll have to pay me a heavy severance package. "That'll teach them!"

No, so stupid. That will make me for sure a pariah and unemployable in this sector for sure. I really like it here. What the ever-loving fuck do I do?

Ok, I'll ask a friend to help me. He'll know what to do. He's been here a long while.

"Hey, Pete. I feel like I'm being let go. What should I do?"

"What makes you think that?" "They're telling me to reset my password again."

"Get out of here Doc, You're too funny. HAHAHA!!!"

Damn! he doesn't understand me at all.

I need to take a few days off to get my head together. Approved for 3 days. Uh oh. I spent the entire time off worrying about it, now I have even more grey hair. What a waste of time.

As I got back to work, I was told to go to the HR office before going to my office. "here it comes." I might as well accept my fate. This sucks.

"Hi Doc, come to my office," Jenny says with a smile on her face. Man, what a stuck-up b*@$%.

"I saw that you hadn't reset your password as yet, most people hadn't so I wanted to give you the new pattern to use before I send it out to everyone. We don't want our most valued employees to feel pressured by this sort of thing and I want you to be happy with us. There you go, all setup. Sorry for the inconvenience. See you at the Christmas party next week."

:)

I think I need a therapist.