Society Pressured Me Into an Abusive Relationship

Women ‘expire’ once they reach 30, or at least that’s what society wants us to believe. Magazines print articles about how women in their 30s shouldn’t do certain things, like wear fashionable clothes or makeup. Glitter at 30? Out of the question.

​Society is particularly cruel to women over 30 when it comes to dating. Older women tell us to take every relationship seriously because he could be the one. We’re told the dating pool gets smaller and all the good men settle down and start families.

​Women are pressured to have children as soon as they enter their twenties, while men are told they have time to figure things out. I’ve never wanted children, but other women always told me that I’d feel differently once my biological clock started ticking. I never felt differently, but at some point, I began to feel that I was getting too old to be single and started looking for someone to have a serious relationship with.

​I settled for a man I normally wouldn’t have given a chance to. There were red flags; he drank heavily, spoke negatively about every woman he knew, and couldn’t keep a job. I’m not sure if I ever liked him, or if I was impressed that someone liked me so much. I hadn’t heard of love bombing at the time, but he later claimed he had fallen in love with me on our third date.

​He brought up marriage within the first few months of the relationship, asking me little things like if I would take his last name if we got married, and how I pictured my wedding. He later proposed the idea of living together, but he didn’t make it sound like a request. It was clear that I’d either move in with him or we’d break up. I wish I had chosen to break up, because I found myself trapped in a relationship that seemed to get worse by the day.

​My loving boyfriend had turned into a monster who couldn’t wait to yell at me as soon as he got home. He hit me for the first time when I discovered his father was paying all of his bills. He bought me a stuffed Pikachu in an attempt to get me to stay. I didn’t want to admit I’d picked the wrong person, so I stayed.

​His behavior became worse, with him excusing it by saying that his parents had lots of physical fights when he was growing up. He enjoyed comparing our relationship to theirs, despite their relationship ending in divorce.

​He didn’t want to spend any time apart, which meant the only time I had alone was when he went to work. As soon as he came home, my attention had to be focused on him. He would throw temper tantrums if I paid attention to my dogs, or tried to read or watch tv without him. He would also turn the tv off if I was watching something he didn’t like. It didn’t take long before I stopped enjoying the things I’d previously loved before being with him.

​I had attempted to break up with him at least a dozen times before, but I was afraid of what would happen if I left him. Would I be able to find someone else at my age? Finally, I decided that having no man was better than having a man who treated me the way he treated me.

After the relationship was over, he made a Facebook post about me, saying that I had been an abusive and crazy partner. He claimed that I was the reason he hadn’t seen his friends regularly after getting into a relationship, but it was actually because he refused to see them without me. Every word of his post was a lie, but if I defended myself, he would delete my comments.

​I unfriended him because I couldn’t watch as his friends liked the post and offered him sympathy. He called me, throwing another temper tantrum because he was annoyed that I’d unfriended not only him, but his family members as well.

​I had to relearn how to be alone and how to enjoy the things he’d stolen from me. It took me months to get back into reading, and even longer to pick up the TV shows and movies he wouldn’t like. I also felt extremely uncomfortable whenever I captured a man’s attention, as if that man would do the same thing my ex did.

Now, looking back at the horrific relationship, I know I shouldn’t have stayed. I allowed myself to care what friends, family, or society thought of me.

I emerged from the relationship as a different woman, the type of woman who doesn’t care what other people think and who will dismiss a man at the first red flag. I’m proud of who I’ve become.