Relationships: next level

When you first start dating, you get that rush of excitement— a tingly feeling in your stomach, and you can’t seem to stop smiling. You make time for each other, put in that extra effort to make the other person like you even more; planning your outfits, searching for cute date ideas, taking the best selfie you could possibly ever have and post it all over your social media. You might also remember even the tiniest details like how they like their coffee so you can order it for them, their go-to lunch order or what they like to do in their leisure time.

But then relationships can be complex and difficult to predict. It’s all fun and games until things start to shift. Imagine your favourite thrill-seeker ride at an amusement park. You get the steady pace at the start, then you start to get butterflies when the car goes higher. Next thing you know, you’re screaming at the top of your lungs hoping for everything to stop and get you out of that ride.

Look familiar?

Time spent with each other suddenly reduced by half of what you used to do. You feel clingy when you want to spend some quality time, but they’re always “too busy”. The late-night talks become short “Goodnight” texts. The “Good morning” texts also seem to phase out with “Hey sorry I didn’t get to see your message earlier, I was rushing…”

Suddenly, you’re not their priority anymore.

So when your friends ask how things are going, you end up making excuses as to why you don’t go out as much anymore. You cover up the things that you’ve been letting pass through because you’re trying to make your relationship work. Then it becomes difficult to reconnect with your friends because you have spent all that time for one person.

When things stop being the way it used to, there will be times when you question yourself and wonder if you’re doing something wrong in a relationship. But at what point does it become acceptable that the person who valued you the most, now cares less? If you’re currently weighing the pros and cons of being in a relationship with your person, is he/she really worth questioning your value?

Note that a relationship does not work when only one person is exerting so much time and effort.

As they always say, “it takes two to tango”.

It’s a two-way street.

Sometimes we take other people for granted, either intentionally or unintentionally. It’s also best to keep in mind that a relationship is more than love and sex. It’s more about the deeper connection— supporting and drawing strength from each other.

Hence why communication and consolidation are essential to a working relationship. Let the other person know what you have been feeling and work out what you can both do to make things better.

But what if they don’t listen?

If you’ve tried your best to reconnect but still no action from the other end, then you’re probably going to benefit from a Lizzo moment.

“If he doesn’t love you anymore, go walk your fine self out the door”

What is the point of staying in a relationship where you’re only exhausting yourself from all the crying and sleepless nights?

It’s a vicious cycle we should avoid at all times.

Remember though, “You get what you tolerate”. Things will not get better if the other person refuses to change or even acknowledge that there is a problem.

I acknowledge that leaving a relationship is a huge decision and it’s never easy. Although it would probably save you a lot of trouble down the line. Like ripping a band-aid off—painful at the start, but once you are healed, you can look at your scars and say, “I survived this.”

You do not have to wait for your partner to realise things on their own. If he/she really is the right person, you will never have to try so hard to make the relationship work. Keep your head high and always know your worth.