Rainbows, Butterflies, and Compromise

"Come to the gym with me."

After reading the new message on my phone a few more times, I just stare in disbelief. Did I read that correctly? He hasn't messaged me in over a month, and now he's asking me to go to the gym with him?

I put my phone down to get back to the project I was working on, but my line of concentration had vanished. Why did he have to message me now? Why today of all days? With my focus shattered, I decided to message him back.

"You want me to come to the gym with you? To workout?"

"Or to watch. Whichever you prefer."

I lay my phone down again, feeling dumbfounded. What is going on? Why is he randomly asking me to the gym?

"Sure. I'll join you."

"Cool. Does 7:30 pm work for you?"

"Yeah, that works. I'll be off work by then."

"Okay, good. I'll text you the address."

Returning my phone to the desk, I lay my head down and groan. Am I really about to go to a gym? I don't work out or exercise regularly, so I'm not in the best shape. I imagine myself on the treadmill and stair-stepper, entirely out of breath. The more I think about it, the more I feel I'll regret doing this.

I get off work at 5:45 pm, and on the way home, pick up a bite to eat. I'm not too hungry, but I know that I need to eat something before going to the gym later. Before I left work, I decided to go because I needed answers from him, and this might be the only time I would be able to get them.

Once I get home, I eat, shower, and throw on a t-shirt and some biker shorts. This is the closest thing I have to gym wear, and I feel pretty comfortable. Around 6:45, I leave my house to head to the gym. It's only a 30-minute drive from my house, but I add some extra time for the rush hour traffic. I don't understand why it's called 'rush hour' if no one is getting anywhere. It should be renamed to 'slow hour.'

Thankfully the traffic isn't too bad, so I make it to the gym with 12 minutes to spare. I don't see Kai's car in the parking lot yet, so I text him I'm here and listen to some music to pump me up. The music loosens me up a bit, but I get nervous all over again once I see his car pull up next to mine. I give myself a pep talk before I get out of the car. "I got this. No matter what happens, I am strong. There are no expectations for tonight. I am here to get answers." One deep breath later, I open my eyes to see him standing by my door. He opens it and gives me a small "hi."

I return his hi and step out of my car. After shutting my door and locking it, I turn around, ready to follow him into the gym. Our eyes meet, and his eyes hold mine. It feels as if no time has passed at all. His baby blue eyes are still as clear as the first day we met and still as mesmerizing. He gives me a small smile, grabs my hand, and leads me into the gym.

The first thing that hit me was the smell. It didn't stink as bad as I thought it would, but it wasn't a smell you could ignore either. I've never actually been to a public gym. All the information I have on gyms has come from movies and TV shows. There were guys everywhere. Some were shirtless, some had t-shirts on, and some had loose tank tops, but all of them were sweaty. I saw a few women here and there, and I could tell that they were just as serious about working out like the guys were -no girls were here for Instagram pics. I felt out of place with my too thin legs and even thinner arms.

As we walk, I shift my focus back to Kai. His small but strong hand pulling me deeper into the gym, the muscles on his arm slightly rippling beneath his skin, his lovely haircut. Is his haircut fresh? Did he get it cut for me? I doubt it. He was probably due for a new one anyway.

Caught up in my thoughts, I barely noticed where we were. We stopped in what seemed to be a private workout room. There was a rack of hand weights against one wall with various kettlebells on the floor. There were a couple of machines on the opposite side and a ceiling-to-floor length mirror in the middle.

He shut the door and set his bag on the bench beside it.

"Kai, what am I doing here?"

"Please, for now, just sit. I promise I will answer any questions you have soon. Please"

The look in his eyes pleads with me not to push it. I sit down on the bench and watch him stretch and warm up. I watch him go through pushups, pullups, weight machines, and many other exercises. Not once did my eyes leave his body. It's incredible how much you can do to your body and how much it can endure. I look down at my skinny frame and wonder if I could ever be motivated enough to build any muscle.

"Come here, Jaiden."

Kai's voice cuts through my musings, and I snap my head up to look at him. I must look confused because he grins and holds out his hand toward me. I get up slowly, not sure I'm liking where this is going, and walk to him.

"Do you want to do a few workouts?"

"Ummm..."

"No pressure," he grins. "I just figured that it wouldn't hurt to try since you're already here."

Looking into his eyes again, I see a sliver of hope in them. I know how important his gym time is to him, so for him to ask me here is a pretty big deal.

"Sure, why not. But go easy on me. You know I'm not as advanced as you are."

I watch his eyes light up as he processes what I just said. He laughs a bit but then leads me over to the rack of handheld weights.

"Here. Let's start with these, " Kai says as he hands me a pair of 5lb weights. "You can handle these, right?" he asks in mock concern.

"Haha, very funny. Of course, I can handle them. I'm not that weak," I tease back.

He walks away smiling with his hands up, "okay, okay. I just had to check."

He grabs a heavier set of weights and comes to join me in front of the mirror.

"Do exactly as I do. If anything feels weird or hurts, let me know, and we can stop."

He looks directly at me to make sure I know he's being serious, but all I can muster is a nod because I don't trust myself not to blurt out what was going through my head.

The last time I saw him, he said those exact words to me as we were having sex. It was my first time, and he wanted to reassure me that he would take extra care of me. In that moment, I appreciated the concern. It helped me to relax.

I quickly push those thoughts from my mind because now is not the time to reminisce. I need to focus on these exercises and the fact that Kai is here with me again. I love that he's here, but I don't want to get my hopes up again.

We work on biceps, triceps, and all the ceps in my arms, and after they are adequately abused, we move on to a few leg workouts. You know the usual squats, lunges, and others that should be illegal. Now my limbs felt like proper ramen noodles. Not the strong uncooked ones, but the flimsy cooked ones that I felt could fall off at any moment.

"I have to tap out. My body is not used to this," I say as I lower myself to the ground.

Kai lets out a laugh as he cleans and returns all the equipment to their proper places, then joins me on the floor. "I hope I didn't work you too hard."

I still and lay flat, sticking my tongue out to play dead, and he cracks up even harder. "I'll be fine. I'm just a bit out of shape."

He smiles and scoots closer to me as we both catch our breath. We're just sitting, breathing, and enjoying each other's space, and it feels comfortable, but I want to know what he's thinking. I want to know why he called me here tonight, but I don't want to ruin this moment because I don't know how long it will last.

"I can hear the gears in your head turning. There's also smoke coming out of your ears," he jokes.

That gets a smile out of me, but it doesn't quite reach my eyes.

"I've missed you, Jaiden."

I almost give myself whiplash when I turn to look at him, only to find him already looking at me.

"Yes, I've missed you. I know what you're thinking, and yes, I could've called or texted, but...I didn't know what to say exactly."

I can only stare because I'm having difficulty processing what he's telling me. He looks away, but only for a second to take a deep breath.

"I'll explain. After that first night, I wasn't sure what I wanted with you. I thought maybe just something casual. Friends with benefits, hookups now and then, but then I found myself confused. You would text me, and I would send curt, one-word answers, and eventually, you just stopped texting me at all. I knew that I wasn't giving you what you wanted and that I could do better, but there's a difference between thinking about it and actually doing it."

All this time, I thought he just wanted sex. I was hurt when he didn't seem to be into me as much as I was into him. Now he's saying all this, and it's what I've wanted to hear, but all I feel is numb.

"I didn't want to disappoint you and lose you, but in running and hiding, I did almost lose you."

I can't meet his eyes anymore. I'm scared that it will cause me to break down, and I don't want to give in too quickly. The first time was hard enough, and I don't want to put myself through it again without thinking about it first.

"I don't expect for you to forgive me so easily, but I feel that I owed you an explanation. Can we start over? As friends at least?"

I finally find the strength to meet his gaze once again, and his baby blues are softly looking at me. I'm happy that he wants to start over, but what if he realizes that I'm not what he wants? What happens then?