Professional Life Romanticizer

I saw this quote today that said," The Happiest of people Romanticize their life, because they know magic exists where you find it.

I don't know if I can qualify myself as being the happiest, but I am a dreamer who lives life to find the magic in everything, especially when it comes to love. I see a little girl holding hands with her father, walking to a baseball game as an "unnoticeable but everything" kind of moment. I see the flowers people add to their shopping carts, knowing there is a different intention behind every bouquet, a different story on where those stems will find their home, and the sentiment behind each placement. I go to a concert and see a couple where one is so excited to be there, and the other is there because they were asked, but its still a moment they share together. I romanticize life, pride myself in the possibility of everything, and the potential in anything.

I have so many dreams, ranging from riding a Vespa around an island in the rain to traveling the world, capturing love stories from people I do not know yet. I am what my generation qualifies as living for the plot, also known as experiencing everything life has to give you while embracing a moment that has yet to unfold.

With every dreamers comes a life list full of dreams, some that I know I can make happen and others that are not in my control, no matter how much I wish I could write that story true. I have an interesting perspective on love, as I am blessed to be surrounded by it in all ways. I have two sweet grandparents who went viral for a photoshoot of them being old and looking in love. I have two amazing parents who show me countless support in my dreams, where I want to live, and have no expectations on my future other than the happiness that I seek for myself. I have a brother who, throughout our quandries, I support, love to the fullest, and have gotten to watch him grow as a full human and live a life of love I will never have. I have stumbled my way into capturing love stories, probably romanticizing them more than the couple themselves. I get to meet wonderful people though it and some who I have created friendships from it.

With all of this said and done, my life is magic and holds so much love where others have not been so lucky. Yet thats the thing, I was lucky to grow up with loving parents, but I have acitvly worked to keep them active and connected in my life, I have a loving relationship with my brother because i gave myself the agency to not live in his shadow. I have created these friendships because I believe the best connections come from those you water with time spent and growing conncetions. However there has always been something missing, or someone.

I work in the industry of love, I am becoming the the plot of Jennifer lopez in the wedding planner - minus an arranged marriage, a hot Matthew mcConaughey and a old engamgent that was broken off and an awkward run in with his new pregnant wife. So really not much like the movie at all, but I am called the wedding planner on most days, and I do go home alone after every wedding. I could really only wish my shoe lace would get stuck in a pot hole and a man come save me from a rolling dumpster that was going to take me out.

But unfortunatly, I have not been recently graced with a love story worth writing about. We, well me, I grew up on the early 90's romcoms, movies like " My best friends wedding" "Serendipidy" " the wedding date" " failure to launch" to name a few, quippy love stories that give you the idea that if your not looking for love it will find you. The idea that when you grow up you will find a person to love. But the problem with those movies is they end in a final kiss, not the relationship after. They tell you the story, not the ending. They show you the possibility, not the actuallity. The problem with romantisizing that there is a love out there for you, is maybe there not. Maybe finding your person only exists in the movies, or maybe finding the love of your life is the exception and not the rule.

Now I just have to learn how to be okay with that. Because as a self proclaimed life romaticizer, I see the magic in the white dress moment, but I also am creating the possibility of my happily ever after before I think I have ever met the person that could be that.

I havent been in a realtionship in over two years, and even that one was never meant to be, not because it ended but because I went into it with the wrong question. The wrong reason to date. However since them, all my heart pieces are back together, glued together by growth and internal and external love that came from others that werent trying to complete me. I have grown so much in the past two years and now I am changing my path for what I am looking for.

I started this piece, wanting to say " is there any magic left for me" and on a posative day, I would flex my confidence and say I am enough for me. But in all actuality, my persepctive on the matter has changed. I would love to find my person, if they exist or are still growing to be my maybe someday. But recently, I have started changing my persepctive, because, though my industry shows me the finishline, I dont think I'm ready to even start that race. Do I want to be married? yes! Do I want kids? Not sure on that one! Do I love where I live and my life right now? yes! Do I want to add a person to my built and already beautfiully funtioning life: tentetivly, yes, but only they add more then they take away.

My perspective is changing from someone who wants to find their person to, I am open to just working it's self out. this means, I will sleep with who I want to, to learn what I dont want to. I will enjoy my apartment and my friendships without thinking that I need to bring the guy I went on a second date with, to meet my friends. I wil stop forcing the structure that I defined as the steps to love, the steps to feeling complete. As the confident me would say, I am complete without them, but they have to earn their way into the already amazing parts of my life. i will not shape to fit, but keep the fit, till someone become my shape. And most of all, I will keep looking at life like a soundtrack of uplifting and emotional moments. I will keep watching other peoples milestones as the rise and shining parts in their story and I will keep romanticizing life to the fullest extent; because I truly believe, I am too good a person not to love, too brave of a person to be forgotten, and too lucky of a person to be given the opportunity to see the beauty in all the parts of life.