One-Sided Love

I remember the first time I laid eyes on him. I was only ten years old and my brother had invited him over to our house to hang out. At the time, I had no idea who he was but the moment I saw him, I felt something stir inside me. I felt as if the world around me stopped. He was a few years older than me but that didn't matter. I didn't want him to love me back, I just wanted to be close to him, His presence was enough for me. Whenever he came over, I felt like I was on cloud nine but on the days he didn't come, I felt lost as if something important was missing from my life. I went out of my way to see him, even going as far as befriending his younger sister. She was nice, I liked her and till today, I cherish her.

I knew that telling him how I felt was impossible though. My brother would never approve so I kept my feelings to myself, content with just being in his presence. I even went to the same academy as him just so I could see him every day. I couldn't sleep at night because I was so obsessed with him. He wasn't particularly good-looking nor did he have a great personality but it didn't matter. Perhaps it was his flaws that I fell in love with. I didn't want him to be perfect, I just loved him the way he was. Whoever said that Love is blind was right. When you begin to like a person's heart, their flaws, their scars, their personality, and just seeing them happy makes you happy, just know that you are in love. People sometimes can’t differentiate between love and lust. Love is when you fall for someone's heart, their personality, their flaws and accept them for who they truly are and make them your priority, and lust is when you fall for someone's looks, their body, and not for who they are.

But unrequited love can be a curse, you know. It can make you feel like you're dying inside every day, and no matter how much you scream or cry, the person you love can't hear it or feel it. I overheard him say that I was like a sister to him and that day, something inside me broke. I had spent five years obsessing over him, praying to God every day, even on New Year's Eve, just to catch a glimpse of him. But my prayers were unanswered.

It took me five more years to start to move on, and even now, eight years later, I still dream of him. Is this what love really does to a person? Does it curse you to always long for something you can never have? One-sided love is a curse, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I once overheard him talking to my brother about his crush on another girl and that's when I finally realized just how delusional I had been. He had never seen me as anything more than a little sister. I was stupid, wasn't I? But even then, I couldn't bring myself to stop loving him. It was like a disease, slowly eating away at me. I became bitter, angry, and depressed. I stopped going out, stopped socializing, stopped living. All I could think about was him and how I would never have him. It wasn't until I finally started to move on that I realized just how much he had held me back. I had wasted so many years pining after someone who would never love me back. It was a hard lesson to learn but it was necessary. But even so, I wouldn't trade those years of longing for anything in the world. They were some of the most painful yet beautiful years of my life, and no matter what, they will always hold a special place in my heart. His chapter in my book was over but it was still one of my favorites.