On what it feels like to be alone.

I know you've felt alone before. Maybe you are alone right now while reading these words. Feeling alone can be torturous, especially when you remember those times you weren't so alone. When the times were simpler and the worries lasted for a while and suddenly faded away. Trust me, I've been there.

Something important to understand is that you can be alone but not necessarily feel lonely. I've heard this so much these days. And let me tell you something, I think most of us know the difference between these two concepts, it's just that we are not aware of them all the time. Alone is when we are physically distant from others, like a person living in a house with no one else; lonely, on the other side, is when we feel emotionally isolated from the rest. Paradoxically, loneliness always has an inseparable companion, sadness. So, how could we tell the difference if in our state of sadness we can only identify that we are not okay? It feels weird to have that combo of emotions because most of the time they rise at such an inopportune moment. Maybe working on a very important project at school, trying to have a promotion at your job, or even sitting at home while having dinner all by yourself. Some of us enjoy being alone from time to time, to reclaim our space as individuals, and I think it's valid and healthy to have a few hours a week to enjoy our own company.

In this state, you feel like nothing is right with your life. This void and absence wrap your soul in a way hard to describe. And the worst part of it is that you feel like you're the only one that's going through this. The truth is that you're not, but it doesn't feel right to share with others what's going on with you. You just want to get rid of the feeling, you try almost everything in your power but nothing really works out.

Ok now, feeling lonely... What does that even mean? I think all of us can put an elaborate or simplistic definition to this and still feel the same thing. It's just that we find different words to express the same thing. And I ask myself: Is it because they need a better support system? Do they need to ask for help? Is it because they think that nobody cares about them? What is it? Why is it that this generation feels this sensation in the era of social media, connection, and globalization?

I remember a time when I felt lonely, someone who was the closest person to me for so long, all of a sudden didn't answer my call when I needed them the most. It can happen that some stuff in life pushed your paths apart. And it is difficult to articulate the feeling, to put it into words. This I know, this feeling is temporary. but hell, how painful it's every second of it. We spend most of our lives trying to avoid pain and suffering, and it has been so difficult for us because we became so numb to being alive.

We are surrounded by people every single day and we still feel so lonely. Some of us can feel this way while waiting for someone to come into our lives, but we can feel so desperate that the time passing by and not seeing this ideal person is painful. Some of us cannot even explain how it feels to be lonely even though we have felt this maybe too many times before. It can be tiring, and sometimes even suffocating. Every single time can be another experience while feeling down. You don't understand what's going on with your life most of the time, that your relationships are a failure, and you only see failed attempts on wanting to find someone and even be someone you're not. What I can say without a doubt is that I am not alone but I am very lonely.