My worst enemy

My worst enemy

"Do not say you’re not okay. You look just fine.' Her friend tried to give her spirit. ‘Yeah, I’m…fine, she answers back, climbing the stairs breathlessly. I am perfect."

After climbing only four stairs, she finally reached the top. Her body froze for a moment. Sarah's lungs gasped for air, bending her knees halfway when climbing the stairs.

“Here I am, ready to enjoy this amazing sunny day! So beautiful, isn’t it?” her eyes looked at her friend for confirmation.

"Yeah! Sure, it is." she smiled back.

She was ready to embrace that sunny day for a moment, and then... everything went blank. Not that she fainted but her happiness as magic just disappeared.

Simple as that, all the previous emotions were erased from her soul. But...How?

Sarah does not feel happy or sad. The feeling is so unexplainable that everything is muted.

She thinks something is wrong with her but doesn’t know how to explain that feeling. Everything around her seems meaningless. She feels as if she doesn't belong in this world. Often, this makes her feel like not being part of it. Her face changed with a clash of eyes, from cheerful to very serious. Sarah understood this but couldn't show it to her friend. Surely, she would think something was wrong, awfully wrong. She needed to think of something quickly to fill this moment of silence, but what?

"Hey, how about we stay here today and watch movies, have popcorn and drinks from a glass of wine by the fireplace? It would be so nice; we’d relax and laugh endlessly remembering our silly moments," her friend said, hurriedly moving from her chair with excitement.

What would Sarah do now? She didn’t want to go anywhere for dinner. She just wanted to lie down and watch movies. The other plan was to stay on her phone until she dozed off. So, what now?

"Em, can we arrange this for another time?" Catching her friend's eyes half closed with suspicion she quickly added: "Please, do not get upset. I am just not at my best today. My head is starting to hurt, probably migraine again."

"Okay, okay!" she said, hanging her head for a second before continuing, "Let's enjoy the moment then."

Sarah knew she had to resist a little longer; she could manage to be strong. She couldn’t allow others to see the emptiness inside her like an abyss within her body. After two hours filled with smiles and jokes between them, it was time to say goodbye.

"Thank you for your time, my friend. I’m so sorry for not being able to stay today. But, even after the ibuprofen, my head didn’t stop hurting."

With concerned eyes, the friend, reassured her, "I understand, Sarah. Don’t worry about it. The important thing is to take care of yourself. Go home and rest!"

"She replied nodding her head in agreement, 'Of course; I’m heading straight home now.'" Thanks again. Let’s see each other soon; message me."

Finishing those words, she went down the stairs and hurried to her car. As soon as she got inside, it felt as if someone was following her. She took a deep breath for a few seconds and started the engine. Her serious expression returned. The emptiness was so vast.

As soon as she parked the car by the building, Sarah hurried to open the door. And there, in the darkness, she lay down on the bed. For some unknown reason, was exhausted. She was so utterly tired that it would take her hours, even days, to recover.