My Spiritual Journey

For over twenty years I have been counseling people in their journey out of religion and recovery from the damage of the religious trauma they experienced. Toxic religious environments thrive on fear and guilt to keep people in line. Even after leaving religion, many people continue to be plagued with guilt.

What follows are seven things that may happen on your spiritual journey that you don't need to feel guilty about:

1. Leaving church

On your spiritual journey, you might discontinue your involvement in a church or religious organization. This doesn't necessarily have to be a condemnation against the church you left, but a choice you make because your involvement no longer relates to or supports your spiritual journey, or may be an obstacle and hindrance to it.

2. God fatigue

It's possible you may grow weary of constant theological discussion and debate, and the never-ending hamster wheel of new and improved concepts, beliefs, understandings, teachings, etc. At some point it all might start to sound like, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..." You might fall dead to the perpetual quest of figuring "it" out, and wake up one day and say, "Okay, I'm done!" Don't feel bad about this. Jumping off that hamster wheel may be the most liberating step of your spiritual journey.

3. Liking "sinners"

You may find that the very people your religion judged and condemned are the people you find the most interesting and enjoyable. Once you come out from under the judgmental labels, views and stereotypes you learned through religion, you start realizing how much you truly like and enjoy the people you were taught to hate. This is another liberating aspect of shedding religion. For too long you shut yourself off from a lot of beautiful and extraordinary people in this world to enjoy and learn from.

4. Being defiant

You may find and express a rebellious or defiant part of you that has been dormant. Don't feel bad about this. Too often religion turns people into nice, complaint, repressed, timid, inhibited, mannerly, obedient, fearful, amiable, submissive people. As a side note, I would not use any of these words to describe Jesus. You can be a loving, compassionate, respectful and kind person AND be a rebellious, defiant, passionate, disobedient, subversive, nonconformist, mischievous, self-willed, fully expressed, freethinker, heretic, and free spirit human being.

5. Human satisfaction

You may find less fulfillment in religious things, and more satisfaction in human things. It's okay and good to be human, and to enjoy each moment of your lived human experience. Religion causes many people to create a false division between the "sacred" and the "secular". There is no such line. All of life is spiritual because each moment contains the raw materials with which we can choose to live life meaningfully. There's no need to defend, theologize, or spiritualize our human experience. Just live it! That is enough. It's okay to be happy, experience delight and pleasure, do what brings us joy, and breathes life into us, whatever those things may be. Live your life fully, deeply, authentically, courageously, compassionately, and spartanly.

6. Abandonment of religious culture

Many people who leave religion, abandon the religious culture they were once steeped in. One person shared with me that they threw away every Christian book they owned, could no longer stomach Christian music or radio, purged their Facebook friend list of Christian zealots, stopped frequenting Christian hang-out spots, and removed every Christian plague on their walls. Don't feel bad about this. It's important that you take the steps and set the boundaries you need for your growth, recovery, and wellbeing.

7. Ceasing daily religious disciplines

The daily "quiet time", bible reading/study, and prayer are some daily religious disciplines that people checked off each day in an effort to be a devoted religious disciple. It's not uncommon for a person who leaves religion to cease these daily disciplines. You should not feel guilty about this. For many people, these daily disciplines were a central component of their toxic religious environment. In time, you will discover what pathways and avenues nurture an authentic spirituality for you. In the meantime, don't feel badly about discontinuing the daily religious disciplines checklist. I promise, the sky will not fall and you will not be struck by lightning.