My nose was bigger than love

by: Asmaa Khalil

I didn't know from life except for its pink color, its fragrance that fills the universe, and its gentle breeze that wraps around streams of water caressing our tender hearts, I was still a child in my early twenties when I began to realize and recognize the beauty of this world.

It didn't matter if my color was white, yellow or black, if my eyes were bright or narrow, if my hair was curly or straight, or if I was tall or short.

There are stages in our lives that we only think about with our hearts and let our hearts decide our destinies. I wish it had lasted and I didn't recognize the other, non-pink half of life, the half that we only realize when our bodies and minds are mature, the half where we see things for what they really are.

Then I understood my mother's words all those years ago, boys didn't flirt with me in the streets like they do with my friends... You're right, mom, I'm not like my brothers, they have pink skin, soft hair, and blue eyes, while I'm the only one with dark skin and a big nose, but I'm not ugly, I have a touch of beauty as a young lady, but I'm not ugly.

But the boys back then only looked at the pretty girl, and I remained as hopeless as my friends who hoped she would meet and marry a guy, while I was excelling in my studies.

While I was listening to a lecture at the university, this boy surprised me and started talking to me about scientific things, I don't know why he chose me, and after a while he told me about some intellectual differences between him and his brother, I also don't know why he chose me to broadcast his complaints and worries to me.

He kept talking to me on a daily basis, until he told me that he wanted to marry me, but there were question marks about my physical appearance that he wished to improve before introducing me to his family.

But I overlooked his lack of focus in admiring me about my personal attributes, I decided to overlook a lot and be happy with a little, his words in my ear made me happy and carried me through the streets with colorful wings like a butterfly flying through the air.

I don't know how I got home that day, and I don't remember whether I took a ride or walked... I was filled with happiness, hope and joy, it is not easy for a girl to regain her femininity that has been stolen for years... or so it seems to her.

I climbed the stairs, knocked on the door as if it was my wedding day, went to bed in my clothes to sleep early to wake up quickly and meet him, put my head on my pillow and said to myself, "Tomorrow I will meet him.

When the sun's rays caressed my face through its glimmering behind the window, it told me that the date was approaching, and I knew that the universe was happy for my happiness, so I met him in the morning wearing one of my clothes, and after the meeting when I saw him, my heart shook and my face brightened, he quickly said words of welcome to me, and during the conversation he told me that we should do some minor plastic surgery on my face to make me look my best.

Like an idiot, I agreed without thinking, like a drowning man clutching at straws, my mind wandered and I entered the world of worries alone; where will I save all that money to perform these operations, it's okay, it's okay... so I decided, standing in front of the heartless boy with a yellow smile, to try the experiment.


I went to a doctor at a cosmetic center who took pity on me and discounted half the price, but there became an inverse relationship between my appearance and my love for the young man; the more beautiful I became, the less I held on to him and loved him, I don't know why there was bitterness in my heart and bitterness in my life since I started having these surgeries.
After a few months, I became much more beautiful, but there was a corresponding change in my constitution. I lost a lot of my innocence and my smile, and I became resentful towards the world.

The boy talks to me on the phone and I don't listen to him, the boy flirts with me as if he's hurting me, I had a dream that came true but maybe it was untimely, did it happen so fast that I didn't enjoy the journey to achieve it or the moment of arrival... I don't know what happened, but the only thing that was realized is that I'm not okay.
I looked at my face in the mirror, I didn't recognize myself, but I found those around me in a state of joy and happiness with the sweetness I had reached, while they don't know that what happened took away a lot of the sweetness of my soul.
The young man asked me to meet him, and I began to prepare to meet him coldly. I walk slowly, raise my hands and open my closet slowly, and put my clothes on my body slowly. I went to him an hour after the appointment, and when he saw me, he cheered up and welcomed me, with no expression on my face. Pale with emotion.

He took my hand and moved the chair out of the way so I could sit down, ordered us two glasses of freshly squeezed juice, looked at me and said: Our dream of running into each other in life has come true, I was quick to respond: "You mean your dream?" He said, "No, our dream." I said, "No." He said, "Why?" I said: There's been a little change. He said, "What is it?" I said, "Just that I'm not me anymore.