My Love, My Owl

SWOOOOOSSSSHHH! Like a ravenous megalodon attacking your dreams after the most intense shark week yet! As fierce as a woman ready to make her stand against oppression! With the beauty of Medusa and with one piercing look you’re turned to stone, but still can’t help yourself. That kind of, impossible to forget, kind of beauty! Feathers as soft and porous as chenille fabric. The elegant Barn Owl! I thought to myself sitting near a riverbank amongst the trees and amongst my most beloved Barn Owl. My spirit animal.

“Onacona!” Elvie shouted. “Are you even listening to me?” She had been ranting, per usual, as I was lost in these thoughts, per usual. “I thought on our very first anniversary you’d be trying to woo me or atleast listen to what I’m saying, at the very least!” Elvie hissed with sheer disappointment and a tinge of pain in her eyes. I know I’m not being the casanova she hoped for. I need to do something….quickly! I do care for her deeply, but to what lengths will I go? Especially if it means leaving my culture behind. Leaving my spirit animal….. Leaving nature, my home behind.

“I’m sorry Elvie.” I said shamefully. “I know this is a special day for you….” She gave me such a death glare I thought I’d freeze instantly. “And for me too!” I blurted out. “Do you even care about me, Ona?” “Do you care about my promotion in the city? It means so much to me and it feels like you’re never here with me?” I could tell this wasn’t going very well and that I truly had screwed this picnic up. I did put in quite a bit of effort to plan a beautiful and romantic day for her. My mind just wouldn’t SHUT UP with all these thoughts of where my heart truly was and what my future should look like. Was it really with her in the city?

“Of course I care about you. Of course I care about how all your hard work has come to fruition and you now have an amazing opportunity in the city. I want this day to be special. I really do! I just have so much on my mind.” She could see right through my flagrant crap of a speech. I just don’t think now is the time to really open up to her. Today is her day and I will fix this. But before I could get my next words out……

“Ona! You think I don’t have a lot on my mind? That I’m not stressed or worried or scared to take this big step in my life?” She blurted out. “I know Elvie. I know. I’m so sorry for all this silliness. Starting now, today is about you and what I have planned. No more daydreaming or arguing. Just us, this delicious food, this beautiful landscape in front of us and your beauty in the sunlight.” I hoped that would be a good enough start.

Elvie smiled. It is a bit tight and not relaxed, but I can tell it was a start…..

“I love you Ona and you’re right. I don’t want to fight or ruin our first anniversary as a couple. I just would like you to be present, not just physically, but truly be with me for once, in this moment.” Her eyes are glowing in the sunlight and I knew, in this moment, she was going to let go of my short-comings and give me the second chance I needed to make this the perfect day for her. Everything is going to be okay.

“I love you too Elvie. I’m here with you physically, mentally, and emotionally.” I smiled half-heartedly. Trying so hard not to project insincerity or worry. The words just flowed out of me and I do love her. I just am not sure how much. Things were fine before this whole moving away thing. I don’t want to lie to her, but I’m so conflicted and maybe this is the world opening my eyes to my fate. Our fate. She isn’t going to be too happy with the outcome if it’s anything other than we go to the city together.

We spent the rest of the afternoon eating, talking, and laughing. Then we jumped into the river like we have hundreds of times before. So much of my history and culture flows along this river…. Stop that Ona! Don’t get trapped in your mind again or she really won’t forgive you this time. I can’t blame her if she didn’t either. But how upset would I be? I sound like such a douchebag even in my own mind!

“I think we should go back now, shower, and change for my next planned surprise, Elvie.” I want, no I needed to say something before she noticed anything other than my complete, undivided attention to her and this day. I made her a promise. I’m so conflicted right now, but I do care about her and I need to project that. No matter the outcome for us.

“I’m so excited! How should I dress?” She squealed. I know how much joy she’s feeling. So why can’t I feel it too? I want to, at least I think I do, right?

I looked at her as genuinely as I possibly could. “Wear something dressy.” I managed to get out.

Then, all of a sudden, a gust of wind. It was so strong and gentle at the same time as it blew over us. Except, I could hear the screech of that magnificent creature again, almost calling me and the wind shifting my body towards the mountains behind us. That’s when I saw her. This stunning woman standing under this colossal sequoia tree that the owl was howling in. Her hair is so long and dark. It was flowing in the wind and the leaves were blowing all around her. I instantly froze and felt complete enchantment. In these fleeting moments I have forgotten who I am. Where I am….. But most importantly who was there right next to me. The woman disappeared into the depths of the forest.

“ONA!” Jesus, Elvie is literally piercing through my heart right now with her glare. Or maybe it’s my neck she wants to slit. It’s hard to tell with all the rage steaming from every part of her. I know that I didn’t conceal any feelings or thoughts I had when I made eye contact with this gorgeous being. I couldn’t help myself and I felt all control of my body , my mind, vanish.

“What Elvie? I know you saw her too. Wasn’t it strange? I mean where could she have possibly come from?” I tried so hard to play it off, but I knew in my heart, my soul that fate had just struck and my path was laid out before me. I must find her.

“Wait Elvie, before you say anything.” I could see her boiling and any moment she was going to explode! So it was just time to tell her how I truly feel and after what just transpired I knew the answer to all my questions.

“Elvie…” I tenderly grabbed her face. “I love you. I really do, but I’ve realized since you’ve gotten your promotion and all this talk of moving to the city, that I’m not “in love” with you. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t belong there. This is my home and where I’m supposed to be.” I could see the rage in her eyes, but now more than anything… pain. Her eyes were welling up and she slapped my hands away from her face so abruptly.

“Listen to me please! You’re always so quick to jump the gun. Let me get all this out and you can hate me later!” I exclaimed. “I’m beyond proud of you. You’ve earned all of it and you’re an amazing woman. You truly are, but I know that this was the test to our relationship that we needed. Fate has stepped in to show us we are on two different paths. We are not soulmates.” I hate to see her so upset, so devastated, but I really felt beyond relieved to get it out. To finally know what I’m supposed to be doing and where I’m supposed to be going. She finally looked back up at me.

“I can’t believe this is happening! You have ruined EVERYTHING! Not only did you just break my heart over some whore in the woods, but you were my first relationship!” She was screaming so loud all the wildlife probably thought an earthquake was among us. “You are the world’s BIGGEST JERK!”

“Elvie don’t……” She ran off with tears streaming down her face and as much as I knew I should chase her down just to soothe her. I knew I was the last person on Earth she ever wanted to comfort her now. More importantly I knew I had somewhere I needed to be. Just then that owl came right at my head. Literally soared right down and nicked my head. Was this owl really attacking me or trying to speak to me? Then again and again she soared down and now screeching and nicking me. She then flew towards the mountains into the forest where that gorgeous, mysterious woman went. I knew I had to follow and so the wind started pushing me and the owl was my guide. I feel like my life is never going to be the same……