MY LIFE OF TWO SIDES

My name is Karoline. I am German. My name reflects my origin, meaning (Freedom). My mother and father are the WWII generation of Germany. A big part of the 1970s "No war, Make love." generation. I had been brought up with the belief that what the war damaged in their life, it will not ruin my life. We are from Munich. The bombardment of the city in the end ruined not only the buildings but also people's lives. Mum often said underground bunkers were the places where people hid to avoid bombs. She used to say.

"We were like sardines in a tin, squashed, our bodies became one, people had no shame, toilet necessities, or making love were the normal activities in front of each other. Scars of the war are in me."

After the war ended, we moved to a little Bavarian village to get away from the chaos. That was the time they became Nudists. In our new home, mum and dad were always naked. We spent our holidays at the nudist camps.

When I finished college, I joined the nursery academy. Within three years, I was a qualified nurse. I worked at the urology department of the local hospital, dealing with problems of the kidneys, bladder, urethra, men's and women's genital problems. It was a difficult time. I was working three different shifts every week, and had no private time to enjoy myself. It was one of the night shifts I was taking care of a young male suffering from an ED (Erectile Dysfunction). The ward sister did not like the way I was trying to help him. First, I had a one-week suspension, and I was asked to see the hospital therapist (counselor) to deal with my odd behavior in the ward.

I have been bombarded with many odd questions by the therapist, trying to find out about me. She, the therapist, at the end, concluded that I was a bipolar person. I had admitted that in my private life, I was a nudist. She thought that night when I helped the patient suffering from an ED problem, I had confused my personality and became a vixen. I was labeled as a 'Sex Predator.' I did not like it.

After the incident, I decided to leave the hospital and work overseas. My agent found me a vacancy in Amsterdam. It was a private hospital and only offered 9 to 5 job in their urology department. I was happy; I never liked working shifts. I could have my own nightlife and hopefully might have a boyfriend as well.

Amsterdam is a beautiful city. I found a lovely flat with a large living room, a one-bedroom flat near the hospital. I loved walking the streetside of the canal every night after work. Especially when I smoked a few weeds in the cafeteria, I was a vixen. I was searching for a man to have sex every night. I dislike myself when I am in that mood. As a nurse, I am an angel helping my patients during the day, but at night, my body turns me into a devil. Before the therapist diagnosed my problem, I was never aware of it. She said

" You have horrible sex scars of upbringing when you are a child. For your parents, sex was one of the human essential needs, like eating, drinking, and sleeping. Such as making love in front of you, was a kind of war habit, and was normal behavior for them. You mentioned your first period happened at college, you had it in the middle of the lesson, and you walked away while blood ran down your legs, smiling and telling your teacher you had seen that at home, because of your nudist mother. To me, all these factors created another person; you may not think about it, but it's in you. You have to learn to control it, to live a normal life.". I did not like the comments she made and paid no attention.

That particular night, after having my weed session with a few G&Ts, I found myself wandering around the Red Light Street. I always knew where the brothel street was, but somehow I had avoided it. Not tonight, first, I stared at the woman in the window, sitting wearing laced lingerie, a red light was beaming from her back. I turned round and saw that a few men were also looking at her. In Munich, the city had several brothels. During the war, they lost their appeal as sex was free among the people. I heard many stories from my mum, including my dad's ventures. She said

" We always had an open marriage. As long as one of us did not bring their dirty linen home, we were free to have sex with a stranger."

It was the first time I had been in this kind of place. At this point, I must mention that I am an attractive woman. I am brunette with light green eyes, a Roman nose with a little curve at the end, and beautiful, soft skin which covers my 36 B breasts. I am classified as tall, with a height of 1m, 55cm, and very long and slim legs. I always attract a few looks when I am walking. I enjoy being the center of attention.

Suddenly, I just wanted to see the inside of a house called "Pleasure Garden". I opened the red door quietly while the men outside whispered and laughed at my action. It was a small terrace house. It had a large lounge at the reception. The wallpaper was a golden color, large two-shandaliers were hanging down from the ceiling, providing soft illumination, a classic piano music played in the room, and there were three almost naked ladies sitting on a 19th-century red velvet settee, staring at me. The smell of the place was a mixture of heavy perfumes and cigarette smoke. It was kind of sexy. I walked slowly to an old, fat lady, sitting behind the antique desk with a curious look on her face,

" Can I help you? Unfortunately, we do not provide lesbian services." She said.

" I would like to speak to the manager. I am looking for a job, " I smiled.

" You are talking to one, do you really know the job you are after? You look to me quite sophisticated to work in this kind of environment.. I shall be frank with you, for a woman like you, it is a bad job, but when you are in the bedroom, it is an ugly one. The customer is always right in this house. They pay good money to be entertained; my girls deliver. I am curious, why?" She inhaled her cig, puffing the smoke in the air. I realized a man was standing behind me. He was waiting for his turn to talk to her, said quietly,

" Is Daisy available?" She smiled

" Room 7, you know the door. It is 50 Euro, your usual time of half an hour," She turned to me.

" Okay, let me ask you a simple question, lady, why this house rather than any other along the street ?" I was already confused.

" I don't know, it was just a sudden feeling, maybe the name of the place or the girl at the window, to me it does not matter. I can walk out if you want," Her eyes were cold, said

" What is your name? Never mind, just fill the form. If you agree, payment is 50% of what you make, I charge 25% for the room, and the rest is my pay. Please put your real name and address. Your working name will be Lilly. Start tomorrow night and bring a sexy outfit. Be here by eight. " She passed me the paper.

" By the way, call me Big Mama. I am here to help. anything else?"

" I am okay with the information. Just a few conditions: I only work between 8 to 10, prefer to be paid cash, and do not sit next to the window to advertise your place. Only, a 24-hour notice to leave the job as well." I said.

" See you tomorrow night, don't be late, and put makeup on. You will get the room and washing-up details tomorrow." I walked out, smiling while other women stared at me.

I had done something tonight, and I may regret it. Now, I have a new schedule for my day and night. My new timetable was going to be working at the hospital, 9 to 5, after that, I would go home and change. I decided to eat something and get a few weeds to .smoke and a G&T before starting to work at the Paradise Garden.

The first night I arrived, Big Mama was waiting for me.

" Room No.2 is yours to operate. Each room has a bathroom to clean yourself. Come downstairs and wait for the next customer. Other girls will be in the lounge to talk while you are waiting. You agreed with the rates. I shall pay you cash at the end. Good Luck and hope you know what you are doing?" She had a big grin on her face. I just went upstairs and changed into sexy lingerie, showing off my assets. I went downstairs, mixed with the girls, and had a few more G&Ts. I was tipsy and relaxed for my first client.

I did not tell Big Mama my profession. I am an experienced nurse in the urology department of the hospital. I saw many male patients of all sizes, not only their physical looks, but also all their penises. I am used to seeing and touching them. It never bothered me. On the contrary, it put me off sex. Sex is a bodily action to enjoy. In my mind, I get the urge to have it. It is not a lust. I need to be hugged, kissed, and treated very gently to get in the mood and reach orgasm at the end. It is the partner who will do that to me. Otherwise, that action between me and the stranger is not sex but just for him to satisfy his conquest and ejaculate at the end. It is masturbation for men. It is now my job to do it for them.

Sometimes they pay for an hour or more. Reality is, they don't last more than twenty minutes. There are a few men; they may last longer, but never an hour. I always think they waste their money. On top of everything, I have very odd habits. Nobody kisses my lips unless I choose the person I make love to. That is the first thing I tell my client. The other one, I inform the customer, is that no anal or oral sex is allowed. When I said this to Big Mama, she did not like it

" Listen, these people pay money for sex. It comes in any form and shape. You can't limit their request just like that," She shouted.

" It is my nature, I can't help it. Unless I like a person and choose to make love, anything can happen, but not with strangers. Tell your customers before they want me. Otherwise, propose your other flowers from the garden." I stared at her," I can leave anytime you want if it's not acceptable." She did not say anything. I stayed at the job. In the future, customers had been told by her of my limitations, which made my life easier.

When a customer comes into the room, I say Hello, and we both get naked in silence. Next, I lie down, staring at the ceiling, and after a feeling of entry, I make a few movements to speed them up and finish it early. I think most of the time they take viagra to be able to perform quickly. Occasionally, if they are slow and having a problem with erection or messing around, I warn them about the time.

Clients are all sorts of people. They come to our place for different reasons. Tourists are the drunk ones. They just come for entertainment with friends and disappear. Others are the locals, whether married, lonely, young, or old, who are looking to change their sex lives; they look for a different type of sex. I also made some of them regular; they come to see me and pay good money.

It has been over a year, and I am now an experienced sex worker. With my nursing experience, I can easily qualify for a sex therapist. I was lucky; I never had a tough time with my clients. On one occasion, a young boy came into the room. He wasn't older than 16. I was surprised that Big Mama allowed it to happen. He was shy. He did not know what to do. I had to be gentle with him.

" Is this your first time? Just take your clothes off and come to bed. I am your girlfriend tonight. Just hug me, and let me touch you."

When he followed my instructions, I finished the job quickly. He smiled to me. It was the first time, and he said thanks. After that night, I had a few more visits from him, then he stopped. My mother once said to me,

" Girls never forget the man when they first make love and lose their virginity," I wonder whether it was the same with that young boy. I never asked his name.

I was working in two similar environments but with different rules. One was very technical and limited in human interactions. The other was more casual and without any privacy rules. In both jobs, as far as I was concerned, I was the same person in different ways, helping society.

The therapist's description of my character was wrong. I am still naked at my home and proud of being a nudist. I am not bipolar.