My Heart Belongs to You

July 17th, 2022

Sunday

9:20 PM

Dear Diary,

It’s been almost two months since the Letifer-Flu was unleashed on the world. I still think about how naïve we all had been in the beginning… thinking it wasn't a big deal. I feel sick to my stomach when I think back to laying on the couch with Luke in our living room giggling about how the lockdown was kind of cool. We had been so excited to work from home because it meant we’d get to spend a bunch of quality time together. Life was so carefree then. All that mattered was what we would make for dinner and what movie we would choose to watch. Only two months ago I was warm and safe snuggled to Luke’s side; no genuine worries about what the future held. I miss his warmth and the peace being in his arms brought me. I know I haven’t written to you in a long-time diary… but I have to tell you that I’m afraid Luke is gone and I won’t ever physically feel the warmth, love, and peace his presence brings me in this lifetime again. I don’t want to write this, but I’m scared if I don’t release the story running through my mind constantly, it will eat me alive before this virus does.

Shortly after martial law came into order life became very frightening and I felt like I was living in some sort of twilight zone. The lockdown wasn’t “cool” anymore and we had no access to technology. Everything was shut down and we no longer knew who was sick and who was safe. Our only source of information was from the loud speakers set up around town by the military, or when we physically saw bodies being taken out in bags from the neighbor’s houses. Thankfully food and basic necessities were delivered every few days, so Luke and I had no reason to leave the house except for grabbing the package off our front steps. But that didn’t change the fact I was fucking terrified. As you know, Luke and I prayed every night snuggled together in the guest bedroom in the basement where we felt the safest and furthest away from the sirens and screams that echoed the streets at night. I miss him stroking my hair and caressing my face while he talked to me about a future where we would tell our children and grandchildren how we survived the Letifer-Flu. There was nothing in the world I wanted more than that.

Three weeks ago, the food/necessities packages stopping being delivered. So many soldiers had fallen that even the countries aid was starting to become nonexistent. After day three of our package not arriving, Luke held me that night and said he had something special to give me. It was an antique sterling silver heart locket with a beautiful emerald in the center. I had seen at a consignment shop MONTHS ago and had completely forgotten about it. Luke said he’d returned the following weekend after we’d seen it to buy as an anniversary present. I had gone on and on about how unique it was and he knew it would be something I’d freak out over. The most magical and special part of the locket was the inside though, on the right was a photo of us in high school kissing in his old car (my favorite) … and on the left he’d gotten, “My heart belongs to you.” engraved. For a moment in all this chaos, it was just him and I again in our own little world where nothing mattered but us and our love that night. It’s a memory I now hold onto with every core of my being, because after that everything changed.

The next morning was day four without a delivery and it was announced on the loud speakers throughout town we’d be having food/utility boxes dropped by plane to certain locations. The closest drop location to us was about 2 miles away from our house. Luke said he had to go and I wasn’t allowed to come with him. I had to stay and, “hold down the fort”. Like I said earlier, that was a little over three weeks ago. Luke never came back home.