My Greatest Challenge

Over the past two months, the simple act of showering has become an uphill task. Deep down, I'm well aware that stepping into that stream of water releases a flood of feel-good hormones, offering a temporary refuge from the weight of the world.

Yet, I remain far from shattering Kevin "Catfish" McCarthy's legendary record of 340 hours and 40 minutes in the shower. It's not that I lack the desire to do so; it's just that sometimes the tumult within is too overwhelming to conquer the simplest of tasks.

The Shower: A Simple Act, a Complex Struggle

I'm a work-at-home mum juggling motherhood and remote work. I love content writing because I get immersed in the task and take my mind on interesting journeys. The thrill of learning something new and the excitement of engaging and educating always trigger a good feeling.

On days like this, I have superhuman strength, and I get through my to-do list pretty fast, despite having a writing task.

But on days like today, when my youngest is sick and there's no work or deadline approaching, my spirits are low. There's a pile of dirty dishes in the sink and tons of unfolded laundry on my bed. It wears on me.

But here's my most difficult task of the day: showering. I've been in the shower several times today, even heated some water for a quick bath, three times now. But I just can't get to it.

Anytime I am about to, something gets in the way. I remember I was to clean the dish rack; my toddler calls needing something, and little things I 'must' attend to distract me from my intent.

At some point, I crave the refreshing feeling of wind on my face and head to the balcony. But the good feeling lasts only for a few seconds. And now I'm gloomy and irritable. My youngest just asked me a bunch of questions (she's very talkative for a two-year-old), and once more, my shower time is postponed.

I have some decent clothes on because I had to take my oldest to school, but I haven't showered. And my body yearns to be clean. Body and soul.

I long for water to run gently on my skin, caressing and balming wounds. For the cascading of sadness and draining of sorrows. I long for the soothing of my tense muscles and the healing that comes after crying in the shower.

I don't want any distractions when I finally get there. I think it might be the reason I keep putting it off. Or maybe something's wrong inside.

Let Me Let You in on My Life

My weeks are marked with highs and low lows. There are days when I feel like I can get it all done. I'm all in on life goals and working on them.

For instance, I've been thinking about ecommerce blogging for a while now, and the thought gives me a rush. I have a burning desire to put all these ideas into action, and I've read a few blogs on how to get started.

But then there's this overwhelming feeling. I don't have it all figured out yet. I don't have enough cash to have the blog hosted, running, and monetized. You see, my savings have run out, and no writing job is coming in. Plus, I'm unsure if a free blog will bring in any money.

Because of this, my mood quickly plummets to a sharp low. Possibly because stress leads to increased levels of the gloomy hormone cortisol. I keep thinking I should have it right by now. I should have my finances right, a steady flow of income, travel plans to Maasai Mara and investments. Heck, that money should be coming in.

Most importantly, I should have a stable job or a few long-term clients bringing the dough. My mama would be so proud.

My ecommerce blog should be up. That VA business I've been dreaming of should be up. But, there's a but, where do I begin when the road map is unclear and unguided?