My First Love Story

I was fourteen when I meant my first love. I was in my second year of seventh grade. I touched on that in some of my other writings. I had no idea who he was until he walked into my classes. We were in the same section which means we all had the same classes together all year. His last name was right after mine in alphabetic order so he always sat close to me. I didn’t know him well so at first I didn’t say anything, but we had a few mutual friends so we started to talk more and more.

We will call him Carl. Carl was your typical 2000s skater boy. Gelled down hair, baggie jeans, some skater brand t-shirt, and a necklace he probably got from the beach. He was a bad boy. He got into fights in school, he didn’t do his homework, and he talked back to the teachers but not aggressively. He was funny. That put the nail in the coffin for me. He was a flirt and so was I. He told me he liked me, and he knew I liked him but at first, he wouldn’t date me. I still don’t know why. He dated girls in my section and some in other sections and he knew it pissed me off. He expected me to be cool with it but come on, I was a 14-year-old girl. I was not okay!

Carl got into so much trouble in school that they had to remove him from our section and all the regular classes. They put him where they put all the bad kids. Out in the HOPE trailer. The only time I got to see him is when I would go to the cafeteria in the mornings, passing him in the hall, or getting on the bus in the afternoon. I couldn’t tell you why but I was literally best friends with all the kids in HOPE class but they never put me in so they must have thought deep down inside all my insecurities that I was a decent kid.

Fast forward to eighth grade. Eighth grade was a good year. That is when I started to become the “it girl” I was a mix between skater girl and second-class prep. I started to really take better care of myself and that year was the year my holy grail came out. “Mean Girls” I lived my life by that. The year for “Room Raiders”, “NeXt”, Laguna Beach, and The Hills. I was the Kristen Cavalari of my school. Except we were nowhere near the beach. I started hanging out with all the popular kids. They actually loved me and wanted to hang out with me. I don’t know if it was because I was funny, or cool, and they liked how I said what I felt and never backed down from no one, or maybe because I was allowed to smoke cigarettes and my mom bought them for me and some of the kids that gave her money too.

Either way, I was getting a lot of attention. My neighbor was like a brother to me. He had a bunch of siblings too and they were all friends with my siblings so we were at each other’s houses like every day. My neighbor’s best friend let’s say his name is Chuck. Chuck was a badass kid too and what do you know, he was in the HOPE class as well. He must have been talking about me in HOPE and Carl started to notice me a little more. All my HOPE friends were talking about me good or bad I am sure and Carl was asking more and more about me. He wrote me a note. Asked if he could call me. We talked on the phone a bit for a month or so and we devised a plan.

See, he lived one town over. Not far but too far for me or him to walk to. That is all I did every summer was walk everywhere because my mother didn’t take us anywhere. So we walked. This was back when you could ride home with a friend on the bus and get off at their house. Well, Carl had a strict mom. She didn’t want Carl or his brother even to have girlfriends and barely allowed them out of her site. I don’t blame her now but back then she scared me and made me nervous. My mother was nuts. One day she hated all my friends and called them all drug addicts and didn’t want them on her property. Then the next day they would come over and she loved them and they were her second kids. It was very frustrating so we devised a plan that Carl would come to Chuck’s house so we can hang out. I was allowed to go over there so my mother wouldn’t think anything of it.

Carl and Chuck got off the bus and they came right over to my house to smoke a cigarette. Well, my mom must have caught my vibe and how I liked him because she came outside and in front of the boys and said “And you can’t keep your ass over here today” “You ain’t pulling any shit with me” with a death glare. I didn’t say anything back because I didn’t want her to embarrass me anymore. After she went back inside, Chuck asked me what was wrong with her today, I never knew what to say. One day she is cool, then the next she was going off about some random shit, and sometimes she would think of shit and think it was actually happening or it was said even if it was never said. I had no idea from day to day what she would be like.

They decided to leave. Chuck hugs me and lifts me up like he usually does, then Carl gives me a hug, it must have been for too long because she comes back out and was like you need to get inside instead of hanging all over men in my yard. I just hung my head and went in and they walked over to Chuck’s house. Chuck and Carl call the house for me. She saw the name on the caller ID. She shot me a disgusted look and I grabbed the cordless phone and went to my room. We started talking trying to plan my escape so we all could hang out, and I heard a click. This crazy bitch was listening on the other phone so I just hung up. Then I hear her stomping down the hall, and she just starts going off. Yada Yada Yada!! I wasn’t going to be acting like a little slut in her house, stay the fuck over here at your own house so I can watch you. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

The very next day, I got dressed. I tried to look hot without making my mom think I was trying to look hot. I sat and talked with her. She was nice and I asked her to go to Chucks. I told her Carl went home yesterday at such and such time and I won’t stay over there long. She said yes but I had to do a bunch of shit first for her before I went anywhere so I got done and I walked over. Carl and Chuck were outside smoking a cigarette and waiting on me. How did they know to wait on me and what time do you wonder? My bedroom window was the only room facing the road, who lives right across the road? Chuck. The boys waited until about 12am and came knocking on my window. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for this to occur. Everyone did this almost every night. All my surrounding friends. Even some that would drive here and pull into my driveway with no headlights. sometimes I would sneak out, but most of the time we would just hang out, talk and smoke cigarettes or weed.

Finally, we got to hang out, not crazy-ass mothers. Just him, me, and Chuck….We asked Chuck to kick rocks for a bit. Carl and I were sitting in an old car in Chuck’s barn just talking, holding hands, and making out. Then all of a sudden the barn door slid open and it was my mother. She started going off. Saying about how I was acting like a little whore, Carl was a druggy and on probation, she wasn’t raising no bastard kids if I got pregnant. I was mortified. I was so upset. I begged her to go home and at least let me say goodbye. She agreed I had 10 minutes and she said if I wasn’t coming in that door she would be right back over here and would drag me home by my hair.

I was so mortified. I started to cry. Carl and Chuck both tried to comfort me. Even though I think Chuck snitched on me. Everyone knew he loved me, but not like a brother like I felt about him. Carl thought he did too, he threatened to fuck him up if he did. He denied it but we knew. We decided that we would have to talk to our parents about each other. We had to find ways to see each other. For a while, we just wrote notes back and forth every day. We would exchange letters through kids that were in class with one or the other or kids that rode the same buses as us. We would write long letters and talk on the phone.

Taking it to the Next Level

We started coming up with ideas on how we can hang out. We told our mothers we were just friends and we hung out with all the same friends. My mom knew better but didn’t say much. Then we started to get my older brother involved. We had him ask Carl to come hang out with him. They allowed it. We always had a bunch of my friends over every day. We just all hung out outside my place and rode our skateboards on the road in front of my house. My brother had Carl over every weekend. Finally my mother just never said anything else about him being at our house. She knew how his mother was so she thought letting him come to our house is giving him a break from her and all her rules.

Carl had a cousin we called Pudgy and an Aunt Stephanie. Pudgy and Steph were older than us. Maybe late twenties, or early thirties. So they were cool. Carl asked me if I could go with Pudge and him to hang out at a mutual friend’s house. I had to lie to my mom about whose house it was because there are friends she knew because they were at my house every day and friends she listens to all of us talk about and makes her own assumptions about. So these certain individuals to her were druggys so I had to say we were going to a friend’s house she was familiar with and tell her a time when Ill be back so she knows who I am going with is responsible.

So Pudge, his wife, Carl’s brother Calvin, his flavor of the week all went to this one mutual friend’s house. Of course to smoke weed. I actually was not into smoking weed at all. It made me tired, thirsty, and hungry. Not to mention my crazy ass mother thought all my friends were druggys, so even if I wasn’t smoking weed she would give me hell and ground me for no reason. She would tell me to tell my friends if they come on her property she is calling the cops. This was an every-other-week thing with her. I kept telling her all these people had cats or dogs in their house and it made my allergies really bad. which sometimes it did. We never had animals in our house, she knew I had seasonal allergies so after a while she believed me. So that helped me whenever I did smoke, I would say so and so had two dogs and a cat and she would chill out.

I only smoked to look cool. I didn’t like it. But anyway here we are hanging out. Carl asks me to come out to Pudges truck with him. Pudges truck was really nice. At first, we were just talking and hanging out. Then making out. I was still a virgin. He has never had sex before either. But Carl had thought I did. I never said anything different to him because I didn’t know how he felt. We were head over heels for each other and We did it. His brother gave him a condom, it took him a minute to figure that out. Then we did it. It was not pleasant. It hurt like a lot. I don’t think he even finished. It was pitch dark in the truck so we just got our clothes back on and went inside. They all knew what we were doing. Of course, they all talked shit.

My first mistake was I wore low-rise tan corduroy Mudd jeans that tie in the front with no pockets in the back. Literally the cream of the crop pants for that time. TAN. On this night. My first time. Do you get the picture? Leave it to Carl’s brother Calvin to notice blood on his brother’s white T. They couldn’t figure out where it came from. Then they all look at me, my face is burning red at this point!!! Pudge’s wife Steph told me to go to the bathroom with her. She asked me if it was my first time. I said yes. I told her Carl didn’t know. She said don’t worry. She was so kind. Then to lighten the mood Calvin came in and gave me a hug and to lighten the mood and said I didn’t know my brother had it in him. Then he and Carl started wrestling. When that was done, they took me home. Carl told me he really loved me that night. I felt the same. We hugged and kissed and he went on his way. My mom was impressed with me being home on time. I had Carl’s hoodie on, thank god it was too big. It went right down over the front and back of my pants so my mom did not see the slaughter my vagina had that evening. You all know how that is if your boyfriend or the boy you had a crush on lets you wear his hoodie.

I told my mom we hung out and watched Ghost Ship. Nothing crazy. I told her I really liked Carl. I think she was warming up to me growing up. Well, at least this week anyway. I went to my room, and I quickly changed all my clothes, then I went into the bathroom and I quickly cleaned up myself down there and put on a pad. I had no idea if I was going to keep bleeding like a period or what. I didn’t want to get a shower right away because my mother would suspect something and freak out so I waited until she went to bed to take a bath. I rolled up my pants and put them at the very bottom of my clothes hamper under all the other dirty clothes. I was going to volunteer to wash my own clothes in a few days so I thought everything would be okay.

Carl and I were the talk of the school that next week. I hated everyone knowing what we had done and I was so afraid it got back to my mom and she would never let me see or be alone with Carl Again. That Monday after school I got home and She was doing laundry. My laundry. I sat in the living room waiting for her to kill me. I was sweating, I couldn’t breathe, I was thinking of all the lies I could say. And I heard her say, Andi, do you have something you need to tell me. I played it off, and I was cool. I said no not really. Nothing interesting happened at school today. She didn’t say anything. She was quiet. Then she walks towards me holding my bloody Mudds. I just looked at her and gulped. She said aren’t these the pants you had on the other night when you left the house with Carl and his cousin? Umm, no. She said why is there blood all over these. I said I got my period at school and had to change them. She said stop fucing lying to me or I will call Carl’s mother and tell her. How dare she. She knows his mother would never let him see me again. I started to cry. She was like I knew it. I knew what you did. You didn’t need to tell me.

I was surprised when she was calm. She asked if I was okay and if we used protection and if I wanted to do it again. I really did not want to talk to her about it. She will just throw it in my face later on down the road. But I did. I told her I was okay, but it hurt so bad. I told her we definitely used condoms and no I did not want to do it again. (that was a lie, I would go to the end of the earth with Carl) She said well, you two will not be allowed alone anymore. He is not allowed to spend the nights here with your brother anymore and we need to call his mother and tell her. I begged her not to but she did anyway. This bullshit of trying to keep us apart was only making us sneakier. Carl and Calvin were going to be staying with his cousin and his wife over winter break. Calvin was bringing his new flavor of the week so Carl asked if I could come. Thankfully they liked me and said yes.

I begged and begged my mom to let me go. I told her Pudge and Steph wanted me to babysit for them. She knew better but wanted to get rid of me for a few days and said yes. I was extremely nervous and shy when I got there. I never hung out with Calvin or Carl for an entire weekend. I was still so embarrassed about the last time we all were together. Of course, Calvin had to break the ice. He said how are you Andi, in a condescending way. He said guess what Carl’s new nickname is. I said oh god what? He shouts “GAP RIPPER” I felt like a kid that got caught stealing at church. I start to laugh awkwardly as I hear Carl stomping out of the hallway and watch him pounce on his brother and they were back at it. Hitting and putting each other in a headlock. After we had supper, we chilled out and watched some movies for a bit. Then it was time for us to go to bed. I was a nervous wreck but I couldn’t wait to be cuddled up in that boy’s arms.

It started out that way, then we started making out. He gave me butterflies like I never had. He told me how much he loved me right then and there. I just kissed him, and I said then make love to me then. I am not going to lie, it hurt that night too, but I was there all weekend with him with no real supervision. We made “Puppy Love” a lot! (Puppy Love is what I think of when you are just a teenager and it’s your first love) After that weekend, we were both infatuated with each other. The letters got more intense, and we picked a song for us. “Here Without You” by Three Doors Down. We couldn’t see each other during the week so this was our song. With us getting more serious, and us getting more experienced with each other we developed some issues. Since we couldn’t see each other during the week, and calls were short we both developed jealousy and trust issues. We would fight so much. But we always made up by Friday and once we were together that is all we needed and wanted and no one else mattered.

Deep In It

My mother was still not wanting us together and she would not let us stay together at her house but I was free to go anywhere else that would have us if we wanted to spend the weekend together. We would stay at my Aunt and Uncles house, and we would stay at his cousin’s house. He was telling his mom that he was hanging out with my cousins and brothers. I think she knew he was lying but when he was at school all week all she let him do was come home from school, ride around on his back for two hours then he had to be home. She also told him if he got into any trouble at school he couldn’t go anywhere so he never did. Him being with me every weekend kept him out of trouble too so I think she just let him go.

He was my first everything. Once we started we didn’t stop. We did it all. (except for the backdoor, I didn’t even know that was a heterosexual thing) We very much enjoyed each other and learned a lot. It was so intense, we were so in love, well what we knew as love at that time. That kind of love came with consequences. We liked to fight. Both of us. It didn’t help that we both had our little friends coming up to one of us saying I saw Carl talking to Kelsey or I saw Andi talking to Jared. We fought. I could tell he was getting bored being with me every weekend all weekend long. I was never allowed to do anything or go anywhere my mom would have to drive us. Though we both wanted to be together, and we both had trust issues so I feel like that was another reason we had to be together every weekend.

The End or…

I don’t really remember how or what happened. I just remember after two years of being with him, us taking each other’s virginity, all the things we learned and said to each other that one last fight was the one that crumbled our kingdom. At first, it was just a break. He went and did his thing with his friends, so I would have my best cousin come over and we would hang out, or I would do makeovers with my sister just waiting on him to call me. He would sometimes but I could tell he enjoyed his freedom. It hurt me so bad. A few times he came to my house late at night and climbed in my window and he would tell me he missed me, and us, and our break would be over in a little while. Then we would bang like rabbits. Excuse me when I say this but I fucked him silly and sucked his willy. I thought in my little girl head of mine that maybe if I showed him what he would be missing he would call this dumb “break” off.

That never happened. One day I was hearing some shit about Carl hanging out with a certain girl that we had words over before and that they would be hanging out after school. Like I told that girl before and got myself three days of Out of School suspension, I am going to fuck you up. Tell me how I got away with forging a note to ride the bus home with my best guy friend that just so happens to ride the same bus as Carl and Calvin and this girl he thought he was hanging out with. I got on the bus and Calvin said oh shit, he is in trouble now. He had me come sit with him, and hunker down in his seat and he would tell me when he got on the bus. Calvin said Okay, she just sat down, then he told me to sit up, and he pointed at Carl. He was sitting with this girl. Calvin yelled up the bus, “YOU DUMB MOTHER FUCKER!” as he was laughing hysterically. I was fuming, I stood up, right as Carl turned to look at his brother. We locked eyes. He jumped up out of that seat so fast and moved a few seats away from me. We got into it. He blamed me for fucking his brother and blamed his brother for trying to fuck me. I couldn’t control my anger, I got off at the next stop, I walked up that aisle on the bus and I didn’t even look at him. What I did was walk past that girl and I punched her right in the face. I heard Calvin bust out laughing, my best guy friend cheering, not a peep from Carl.

I ended up walking to a mutual friend of mine and Carl’s house. He saw what just happened, and we sat down and I poured it out to his Mama. Burt, his Mama, and I talked for hours. While his little brother sat on my lap and told me Carl was a dummy anyway. Then she had me call my mom and tell her where I was and then she talked to her so I wouldn’t get into trouble. She told her and me that she would bring me home in the morning. Burt gave me sweats to wear, and we lay on his bed in his room talking about his ex, and how much he loved her, we talked about Carl and that whole situation. He told me He has been talking to a lot of other girls. That pissed me off and broke my heart at the same time. His mom came in to check on us. Burt and his mom had a great relationship. She was a rare gem to me. I talked to her about my mom too. She didn’t judge her but she told me if I ever needed her she would be there.

I was so hurt. What does a hurt girl want to do when she is hurt? Get revenge. I was shook how I was treated tonight by Burts mom and little brother. I did not realize what a great friend Burt was until now. Carl’s mom did not like me or give me the time of the day. Carl’s brother turned out to be a good friend in the end, but we both knew we had some sort of chemistry we had to fight. So now, I am here in another boy’s bed, and I want revenge, Burt is hot and I can tell he is super sweet, I am experienced now, and from what he says he is too. All of a sudden the electricity went out in his entire house. His mom yelled from her room that it must be the storm. So there we are on his bed in pitch black. We slowly start kissing, and it starts to get intense, before we know it he is on top of me, we were both clothed but we were making out hardcore, I could feel how hard he was between my legs. And I said let’s do it. He shuffled around in the dark on his headboard for a minute and finally found a condom. I had my shirt off, he just unhooked my bra and he laid on me again and started kissing me.

The lights came back on, the TV was blaring, and he jumped off me real quick. We both sat quietly for a few minutes. Then he said Andi I can’t do this. I want to, I really, really want to, I have liked you for so long but you were Carl’s girl and he is crazy and could woop my ass. I finally got you here, I even told my mom about you, she loves you and my brother adores you but I can’t take advantage of you like this. I said I want to too. No strings attached. He put his head down and put his shirt back on. I follow his vibe and do the same. He tosses the condom back on the headboard. He walks to the side of the bed where I am, he puts his arms around me and kisses my forehead, and told me he will sleep on the couch. Then walks out and shut the door.

I could not sleep. So many thoughts were running through my head. I was pissed off at Carl, like how dare he. But I was so heartbroken. I said if he wants me back this time he will have to beg. I was so used to the toxic behavior we shared that I figured we would fight and actually get back together tomorrow. Then I couldn’t stop thinking about what just happened with Burt. How much I love his mom and little brother. How good of a guy Burt was. Did I like him? Is Carl going to kill him in the morning when he finds out I am here? My brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up but finally, out of pure exhaustion, I fell asleep.

The next morning I was awakened by Burts loud ass phone, he opened the door and smiled, and said Hey Sunshine. Then he grabbed his phone and said what’s up. He put his finger up to his mouth immediately so I knew not to say anything. It was Carl. He wanted to see if he wanted to come hang out. That means riding bikes or skateboards all over town. Burt said yea dude give me a little. They said bye and he hung up. We both started laughing. Then Burts mom came in and gave us both a look. She said I know who that was. I have a caller ID. So all three of us devised a plan, they thought that I needed to talk to him, whether to fix things (I looked at Burt) or for closure. So Burt said he will go down now, and in about a half hour he will have him outside around the back of the church playing basketball. Call up our friends Candi and Chasity and have them pick you up. Tell them you babysit my brother. Tell them you heard we are all down at the church. They will bring you down. It’s a win-win. No one knows you stayed here and you are with Candi and Chasity and Carl says he didn’t want me hanging around them. So he will be mad.

That worked. When I saw Carl’s face I knew he was pissed. He didn’t look at me the entire time we all were hanging out. He barely said two words to me. I ended up walking down the road to meet Burts mom so she could take me home. The next day, Carl calls me and asks if I can come to the church parking lot again near his house and go fishing with him. He said if your mom brings you down, Burts mom will take you home. I was like finally we are going to talk. I made sure I looked good, smelled good, and had my cleavage out. When I got there he was waiting with his fishing gear on a picnic table out back at the church. As soon as my mom left, we started walking to the fishing hole. Something didn’t feel right. Something was off.

Heartache

Carl started talking about how he loved me. I told him I loved him too. He was quiet. He kissed me. I kissed him back, and I felt this sick feeling in my stomach. My heart started pounding, and I started shaking. I put my head down and I tried to hide the tears welling up. He said I just need some time. I lost it, like big tears. My stomach was turning. He grabbed me by my waist and pulled me into him, he wiped my tears and grabbed my face and he kissed me, I kissed him back with so much emotion, we could not stop. We made love for the last time down by the fishing hole. Neither of us finished. I knew this was no break this time. This was it for us. I started bawling, I was so hurt, we stopped. I composed myself, and he wiped my tears away, hugged and kissed me one last time, then we walked out of the woods hand in hand one last time. He said just a break, only for a little while but I knew. I felt it in my heart, in my stomach, I comprehended it loud and clear in my head. It was over.

The next few weeks were a blur. I gave Calvin Carl’s hoodie to give back to him. Even Calvin and his friends at school tried to console me. It was rough. I have been so wrapped up in Carl for the last two almost three years I forgot all my friends, I have not hung out with my cousins, and I haven’t done makeovers with my sisters. But I was crushed. Devastated. I cried a lot. If I could describe what it may have felt and looked like I think of Bella in New Moon when Edward left and she is sitting in her room alone as the months go by. That was me.

New Me, Heading for Trouble

In this next part, I will try to condense some because it will go deep into my troulehood. (when I was trouble in my childhood) A few weeks go by and I am in my room, just got out of the shower, got my undies and t-shirt on, and was watching NeXt while I was laying in bed trying not to think about anything. I wanted to be numb. I fell asleep. I don’t know how long I was sleeping before I was awakened by tapping on my window. I thought it was Al or Chuck needing a cigarette so I pulled the cord on my blind to make it go up, and I slid up my window, and who do I see at my window? A very drunk Carl. He said he needed a place to sleep. He couldn’t go home, his mom would kill him. He didn’t want my mom to see him drunk. Concerned and still in love with this idiot I helped him in my window. I told him my siblings are in the other room he had to keep it down.

He started telling me about what he has been doing, how he misses me and misses doing this with me and missing doing that with me. He loves me, he is so stupid. Blah, Blah, Fucking Blah! I have been devastated. You have been getting drunk and hanging out with other girls. He said none of them compared to me. I knew that. But he did not really believe that or he wouldn’t have broken up with me so he could do that. I fed him, I gave him water, and I still had his toothbrush so he brushed his teeth. By then he was sobering up. He stripped down to his boxers like he usually did and just laid in bed with me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight for a while. Damn, I missed this.

I turned around and grabbed his face and I kissed him ever so gently. Then he did it back. We couldn’t restrain ourselves. How I remember all of this in detail like this but I can’t remember shit I just was trained on at work boggles me. He pulled me close up against him, and he helped me pull my old, baggy, sleeping shirt off. We kissed, I haven’t kissed those lips in weeks and I did not think I ever would again. With butterflies in my belly and an overwhelming feeling of love, I climbed on top of him and straddled him, and just kissed him passionately then slowly kissed his body all the way down to his um..penis. I gave him oral until right before he was going to burst and I stopped. He was confused. I climbed up and pulled my thong to the side and sat on it. I took it slow at first, I could hear him breathing heavier and louder so I started going a little faster. Then I gave him a ride he would never ever forget. I swear to god he got off so hard he grabbed my ass cheeks when he was getting off so hard that I had ten little fingerprint bruises on my ass cheeks for a week.

He told me again he loved me, and he missed me and this so much. He held me tight all night. In the morning we didn’t talk about anything. Not about the night before, not about the breakup, nothing. He told me he had to go over to Chuck’s and call his mom. He kissed me then hugged me like he usually did and I watched as his mom picked him up at Chuck’s house. I saw him staring at my house as they went past like he was trying to see me one more time, for the last time. I was confused. I was heartbroken but I did not know what the night we just had meant for us. I just waited for him. He never called. I saw him in the halls at school but we didn’t really say too much to each other. One time I was hanging out with a bunch of our friends when he showed up with another one of our friends. I had no idea he would be there and he didn’t know I would be. I didn’t know how to act, I was quiet. He asked me why I was being so quiet then started asking me who I was fucking here, and started just being a dick to me in front of our friends. It killed me. I think after this is when something clicked. I said fuck it. I am done begging for someone to love me.

I started taking care of myself a lot more, I was social and at everything, he was around too but instead of me walking around like a sad lost puppy I was L-I-V-I-N! I started making new friends. Started hanging with Calvin and his crew more. I was hurting but I didn’t let it show. At least not like a weak little bitch. I started drinking more, getting into trouble more. Like A LOT of trouble. I wont go into that now because that is for a different day but cops were called, my dad was called and he came with a cop to pick me up from school. I told them I needed to go grab my bookbag. They told me to hurry up. I ran up the hall, I told Calvin and Gee what was going on grabbed my bag and started to walk to the office where my dad and the town cop were waiting on me. It was like a sign from god, like he was saying here is your closure now change your ways. As soon as I turned into the corridor heading to the office. I was scared. Coming up the hall towards me was Carl. He stopped me and asked me what the fuck is going on. I saw he had a pass so he must have been in the office. I briefly explained to him the situation. I could tell he was pissed because I was with Calvin and Gee and the rest of the crew the night before. He looked worried. He hugged me and told me to call him. That was our true ending. There was the closure I needed. I wish it happened differently but that is what it took for me to move on.

Long story short because I feel like I need to add a little more, I ended up living with my dad the whole way in two counties over. He enrolled me in a different school. I fucking hated it. Then I moved back with my mom because I wouldn’t go to school. I tried harder in school, I meant new people, I didn’t talk to Carl, at least another 10 years later…..more on that in the next Chronicle of my life.