Money For Nothing - But The Chicks Are Free

Money for nothing, but the chicks are free. (Dire Straits) That was our saying at I.T.N – Independent Television News. This was all before Sky news. The only other news broadcaster was the very formal BBC. They would wear ties and jackets and we would wear whatever and charge around in blue Volvo estate cars.

I had the fortunate chance to work at ITN as a lighting/cameraman in the 80’s although I had what was called a good eye for capturing an image and could see alternative angles to get the better shot. I thought that I was going to be doing electrical installations? First day on the job was an interview regarding the Italian holiday fiasco? I never read the news or watched the news so really I was not interested.

Put that light there and that light over here, get me a red head and a blond with ¼ filter paper on all, fill light and back light??? What the fuck was this bloke on about? ½ blue on the blond. What frigging blond? These were electrical lighting equipment sayings. So, I just plugged everything in and wow it’s bloody hot. I had realised the wattage of the equipment so nothing blew any circuits. There were electrical leads everywhere and now this cameraman was asking for me for a white balance? After the shoot, I had to explain that I did not know what I was really doing but I did get to view through the camera to see the image and you could see the lighting mistakes. I worked with many different senior cameramen and always asked questions regarding framing, lighting, (I’m know good with sound as I like lots of base and my left ear is a bit quiet). After a couple of weeks I was being asked for by the ENG crews Electronic News Gathering. Outside broadcasting. I helped out by carrying the sticks? Tri-pod that the camera goes on. I learnt to set up quickly, efficiently and to start learning two shots. Noddys. (These are where the interviewer nods for no reason to make the viewer believe he is nodding to the question. It’s for editing purposes. The camera’s weighed 28lbs and were very easy to operate. Just put it into automatic. Frigging monkey could do it.

Well as the weeks went by I started to learn about expenses? Yes we were paid for breakfast if we were on early shift of £4.95 lunch was £9.00 and dinner if you had gone over 18.00 hours was £16.00. But if you were taken out by the crew. You could not claim this allowance. I preferred to have dinner out as I have dined in some of the most exclusive restaurants throughout the UK. Most expensive lunch just for me was £94.00 pounds at a Japanese restaurant. After, we went to Effe’s to fill up. Effe’s was a Turkish kebab restaurant next door to ITN.

Expenses was also claimable which I found out about later because NO one had informed me that you can claim money for things that I knew nothing about. One was called in and out? You got £5.00 for an in? and £5.00 for an out? It is where the porter carries your equipment in and out?? What frigging porter? But everyone was claiming and getting paid? Well, you can do 5-6 jobs on a busy day so you do the maths…It got to a time when I was not spending any of my salary at all. You could also buy bits and pieces to get the story or, if you needed to set up somewhere money was not a problem to ITN.

Now we were supposed to start at either 7.00 am or 8.00 am until 18.00 pm or if you were asked to stay late to do an interview or, stay until New at Ten had finished we were paid the following. For a normal shift £150 if you had to stay on you were paid again from 12.00 Oclock. If you went past midnight, you got paid the whole day again. If you had to work the following day, it would be at double. Now if this was a weekend you got paid double for Saturday and Sunday so you can see it starts to get serious. That’s why I used to go over to Ireland for the weekends. It was a dead easy £1200 plus all the expenses. Was it dangerous? Fucking right it was. We only stayed at the Europa. The worlds most blown up hotel. The ground floor is in the basement. It’s been blown up so many times. We drove around in Granada 4x4’s flat out. We used to have 1 each…..The I.R.A thugs would knick them but they could not take our belongings or equipment as they would have their knee caps shot. All we used to do was ring up Avis and they would have a new one at the hotel for us. The BBC had upset some of the boyo’s and they said they were going to shoot a camera person or crew, so I went over ££££££££ yea dead right. And stuck a Channel 4 sticker to my forehead. I remember a Mr Paine, huge 6-7foot thug saying Paine by nature pain by name..Idiot. He kept saying are you English in his Irish slur and I would always answer to these idiots “Are you Irish”? By the time they had thought about it I was 8-12 feet away. If they wanted to have a go. 28lbs of lead weight coming down on their heads would sort it out.

But it was not the Boyo’s who we had to look out for. The Guarda Irish police hated us. And any chance of putting in the boot or a right hander when no one was looking they done. One of our sound men was working with me and because I’m only 5.4 I felt a swish go over my head and it struck my sound man Tony around the head and he went down. It was a frigging copper who had tried to take me out but hit Tony instead with his batton. Bastard. We did have laugh….

We got involved with the marches and to see 5000 people come over a bridge towards you as you look through a lens and then you cant get back or out of it is something. We just stood our ground and they walked right threw us and no physical damage. On another occasion we had to go to Portadown…Protestant & Catholics head to head. We parked in a church outside town and started to film. One lot marched through the town under a barrage of bricks, bottles, everything but the kitchen sink being thrown including petrol bombs and I mean crates of the stuff off roofs…It was like a party to them. When we got back to the cars the local priest said. Don’t start your engines?? What? Someone came over and said it was OK so muggings here had to do his first and then try to drive out of Portadown. As all three cars left the village, every other car was destroyed….Another great shoot and news story for the public to view.

It came up to Christmas and there had been a huge bombing which killed a priests daughter..Mr Wilson. He lived in a parish called Ennerskillen. ITN asked us if any one wanted to do the story..£££££££££ Yea, ol money bags here will do it. So off to Ireland over Christmas. We had parties at the Europa with Coranation street star Geofrey Hughes (Eddie Yates) and then on Christmas day go to Ennerskillen. Why. Because the Queen was making her TV speech and she included him in her talk. So, off to this gloomy town, not a sole in sight, no one. We pulled up at a pub and I asked if we could come in for a drink. Well you might of invited the Devil as they said Fuck Off…As I returned to the cars, someone came out and said, OK but we don’t want you showing off spending loads of money..OK. We had a decent dinner and were then told to leave as the locals wanted to start a ruck. Off to the Wilsons house to interview the priest. It was very sad, but came across as he had forgiven these murderers. Still we had 2-3 more days on the piss and earning a fortune in the mean time. I loved Ireland.

A call from assignments ITN. “Its where we were allocated our jobs. Martin, can you go over to Brixton. No problem, so off to Brixton not knowing what was going to happen. Brixton riot, or the Brixton uprising, was a confrontation between the Metropolitan Police and protesters in Lambeth, South, London, England, between 10 and 11 April 1981. The main riot on 11 April, dubbed "Bloody Saturday" by TIME magazine, resulted in almost 280* injuries to police and 45* injuries to members of the public; over a hundred vehicles were burned, including 56 police vehicles; and almost 150 buildings were damaged, with thirty burned. There were 82 arrests. Reports suggested that up to 5,000 people were involved.

We pulled up in this road where they say someone had been killed by the police. We were setting up when I noticed a group of black youths attack a photographer so we grabbed the gear and jumped in the car. (Volvo estate) These masked idiots started to throw petrol bombs at us and then the shit hit the fan. I drove through these bastards and all I could hear was thud, thud, thud, thud. Fuck em. The car was wrecked but we made it out…We called in to assignments and they said, can you get any pictures.. What…So we managed to get footage and stand behind a wall of blue uniform coppers who were getting battered. Another day on the farm. ££££££££ Yep, we worked through. Oh I should re-phrase that, we worked on the bar in the hotel through the night…..

Guess who sits here?

ITN found out that I had special M.O.D high clearance level. How I don’t know. I used to work at RAF stations and the MOD doing electrical work, so I must of got special clearance then. Anyway, they wanted someone to do Royal duty? I ended up covering Diana and Big Ears (HRH Charles) he looked like the FA cup. Diana was beautiful and seeing her close up on many occasions made me believe she was a real princess. I followed her from the very first day when she was a nanny. We had to be screened by Scotland Yard Royal protection squad. So being ITN, we went out for a slap up meal. They had files on us (of course) and to make it easier, they used to wear these little teddy bear badges on their lapels. So we got some and as we used to wear Barbour jackets like they did we all looked the same except I was only 5.4 and they were 6 foot plus. On all the meetings, it made it easier for them to know who was in the area allocated to us. On one occasion a Mr Seb Rich had to do a documentary called a day in the life. It was where the Royals opened up their daily lives. I went to Windsor and he got Buckingham palace. I was getting all the live feeds, electrical wiring, lights and camera positions set and as I’m taping some cable feeds to the banisters, I saw a couple of corgi dogs come by and next a lady in curlers and pink and green edging dressing gown. I got up, looked and my jaw hit the ground. It was the frigging Queen. All I could say was morning mam and all I got back was a grunt from her…..We had what I would call access to places the public do not see at all and in all a fabulous day. Seb on the other hand was doing what Seb does, he was a tall shoulder length blond hair macho mean machine and played polo at Windsor. I think he was trying to get upstairs with the nobs as I would call it. Anyway, he was taking loads of video of Diana and she was in her bikini in the grounds sunning herself, Seb had already been told off for rubbing suntan oil on the princess. Later, during the day there was a commotion. His sound man John had warned him to be careful. All of a sudden there were shouts of where is the princess??? Where’s your mate the camera man. Poor John was crapping himself. No one could find either of them. 20 min’s later he shows up and so does she a few minutes later looking very flushed in the garden. The shit did hit the fan back at ITN. Immediately we were all having bets the baby would come out Ginger…….Guess what. Hi Harry…when he was born down at Portland Street hospital we were set up and our cameras are all focused on the baby’s head. (Ginger).

We had our own offices at ITN and everyday you had to read ALL the newspapers to get an inside to stories and to identify who you were going to interview later that day etc etc. It did become an obsession to me in the end. I had read that Diana liked to see what the children were reading and she took a huge interest in this. So, I had to go somewhere in London as she was opening this centre. We arrived early and set up. The Royal Usher who had the largest moustache I had ever seen was dishing out orders like a regimental sergeant major. No getting to within 3ft and he was measuring this with his frigging stick poking it here there and everywhere. Fuck off I said under my breath. The protection squad had arrived and acknowledged us as we knew them etc. Only one paparazzi allowed and one camera per room. I chose the library. I had a hunch. John the sound man did not think it was a good idea, even the pap thought I was crazy as I had set up away from the children and by all the books. Ten seconds. Was the sign to start rolling. In she came and she sat with the kids…fuk it. A little coloured girl did not know who she was and kept pulling her dress. Diana looked around and saw the books and immediately came over. She looked at me and I got a smile as we had met loads of times before. My back was against the wall and the book case blocked by left side. Diana was 1ft from me and she smelt beautiful. The children were talking about the books and she was listening when all of a sudden my feet were pulled away from me?? I looked down and so did the princess and we could see this very angry huge white mustached person pulling my legs away. I could not go anywhere except slide down the front of Princess Diana who broke out in her usual fit of giggles. As I looked up going over her firm breast as she could not move backwards either. I just said “sorry about that” which made her laugh even more. Needless to say, this was NOT shown on ITN news..She did have firm breasts though.

Then there was Fergie..Prince Andrew had fallen in love with Fergie whose party piece was giving blow jobs under the table she was sitting on before she met Andy Pandy. In the press they were always going on about her size and weight and when she stood next to Diana it really showed. We covered her on fashion shows and opening events but were told not to film her when she was eating and could she eat. I saw her eat a tray full of sandwiches before dinner. Greedy cow. One of the questions was how big was she? We had to go to Madam Tussauds to film the new Royals in wax. We set up and one of the reporters asked the gallery staff, “Are these true representations of the Royals”? Yes was the reply. He kindly stepped up and put two joined tapes around the wax work of Fergie’s arse. 38 and ¾ was the reply. I fell about laughing…

There were hundreds of boring jobs. The QE 2 building opposite Westminster Abbey is an awful place to hang around. Decent pub nearby though. But the building does have a secret? We were inside setting up and there was a mezzanine floor which is a good vantage point for an overall shot. We had to be there early for screening etc. As it was the yearly Heads of State visits. That includes the president of the USA. Guess who? Ronald Reagan. It’s known as the G8 Conference and somewhere in the archives is a photo of me standing with all these heads of state as I had been talking to the French prime minister and all of a sudden we were asked to get in line? I was wearing my G8 pass and it looked similar to there ones except they had a red strip going through the photo. I did smile. Anyway we were being allocated our positions due to security and it is still morning, the painters were finishing up and wrapping their gear. Our sound man was on the mezzanine floor ready to come down with the painters and that was the last we saw of them? After about 4 hours he appeared, I thought he had gone up the pub. Where have you been. He answered, “We got into the lift and pressed a button and it took us way way down below the building and he meant at least 20 floors down. When the door opened there were 3 armed guards in American uniforms with rifles pointing at them saying hands up and freeze? How did you get down here? In the lift was the reply. They were taken to a room to be screened and that is that. On another occasion. A resident camera team who were located there wanted to do a quick piece to camera outside with Parliament in the background. One of them took the camera, recorder and tripod upstairs and set them up on the green grass. He went back to get what ever and when he came back, someone had lifted the entire kit. £34,000 for the camera alone. £2000 for the sticks and £15,000 for the recorder. Oop’s

Waiting outside 10 Downing street. The wind whips up from the Thames and it freezes you through to the bones. Or Parliament duty interviewing politicians. Absolutely boring. Although Thatcher was in charge of the country then and we did have tea with her once in No10. Door stepping is where you have to wait around. The Conservative HQ in St Johns Square is totally boring, but the restaurant under the church in the middle of the roundabout is fantastic and not really known to the general public. Same with the Henry the VIII cellars under the MOD and there is a fantastic underground restaurant by Charing Cross arches. You need to be taken to find it. The place is only lit with candles, very atmospheric. One of the best interviews was with Cecil Parkinson. He was the politician who had an affair with his secretary and she got pregnant etc etc. He was Transport secretary then. We were interviewing him about something and he had to do it live on lunchtime ITN news. He asked us what we had been up too lately? “Well everything you see on the news prat”. No I did not say that to him, only in my head while looking at his greasy swarve stature. I mentioned that I had just returned from the Piper Alfa oil rig disaster. Another huge payday for me…When that went off, I was coming back from Oxford when ITN assignments said. Get up to Scotland? All the flights had been purchased up by the oil companies so know one could get up there. I was passing a place called Lavenham it’s got an airfield. So I chartered a Lear Jet. I phoned everyone and it was like bees around a honey pot. We had so much equipment it was too heavy for the jet to get off the ground and the pilot wanted one of us to get off. Well it wasn't going to be me. It’s my jet. The pilot said it’s a shame none of you can fly? Well John the sound man can. He’s training for his pilot's license, so we threw the second pilot off and John sat in the front. Off we went, drunk the plane dry and then we all thought we could have a go at driving this thing….That’s a NO NO…We landed and were taken to a very nice hotel 5* of course. David Chatter met us next day and off we went to Bristol helicopters to get a chopper. No chance, so we hired a plane to circle the burning wreck. No other TV crews like the BBC could get anything at all…See money talks. We had ALL the shots etc. We even sent a crew on a fishing boat, I nearly went but I get sea sick looking at a cup of tea. Using the plane was very hard to film what with the G.Force it creates doing circles. So off to get a chopper. David Chatter managed to get to see the Managing Director who happened to be an old Etonian school chum. He informed him he would divulge a secret from his past if he did not let us have a chopper. I wonder what that was? Anyway we got our helicopter. We had to go through survival training and wear these survival suits. After an 1hour getting to the site we opened the door and at even 2000 feet you could feel the heat. We filmed the rig collapsing etc etc etc. We went three times and each time used to get down to near sea level to soak the poor wretched soles on that fishing boat. They were throwing up everywhere and still had a weeks return trip. So, back to Cecil Parky. He said, is that switched off?? He was talking about the camera. Now you could turn the camera on by the camera or the video recording unit. We had a live link to the studio of ITN set up ready to go for the mid day news. What Cecil said next shocked us. He said “You know the reason why we never brought up the rescue pod that the men were trapped in while the fire raged? I had filmed this piece going down into the sea. “ Well they were still all alive and talking to us on the radio, we still have the tapes of them saying what is going on? It’s getting hot in here. And then it collapsed and sank. They all drowned…I was looking at John to press the start up button, but he could not move. That is not the only story we heard over the years that did not come to life.

ITN wanted to start a Northern Crew. A crew to go right up North and do stories. David Chatter was going to be the reporter and I had the chance to go. £££££ 3 weeks worth. We had to create our own stories to help David. He would do the political stuff and we done the Happy end of news stories to cheer the viewers up. Where shall we stay. I know what about a bungalow on St Andrews golf course. We did have a budget to work with and this was going to be the cheapest way. We completed stories on low flying jets, salmon farms, cattle, village life, unemployment and my favourite. Gold mining. I knew we were going on a hike to find this gold panning mine etc. So I purchased a gold paint spray and sprayed these little pebbles and gravel to look like nuggets. I needed reaction shots..The miners were panning this stream and were getting little gold pieces, when no one was looking I threw in all these pebbles etc. All of a sudden these teenagers turned up and started to view and dig in the stream.. We were filming when all of sudden I spotted this coloured guy’s reaction. He stopped and turned white. He carefully knelt down trying not to let anyone see him and picked up one of the rocks of gold. One of the other kids saw him and all hell broke loose. It was like a free for all…Then one of the other kids found one and the poor miners were loosing control over these kids..Needless to say, we had to make a fast exit and were told not to come back again….

I wanted to do some putting and there were clubs in the bungalow. So three of us were on the green trying to put for a bet when we saw two burly blokes coming towards us. We thought they were the green keepers. What the Fuck are you doing here? It was Royal Protection officers and they recognised me. Were staying in the bungalow for three weeks. It turned out that Diana had done a runner and was staying in the bungalow just over the next green. We were told we could not stay and they meant it. I said, let us stay and we wont do any story on this at all and not mention it to the reporter. Agreed. We did not say nothing to David Chatter and ITN did not get an exclusive on Diana. We moved out a week later and into The Culloden Hotel. Nice. While we were there and having an early tea (drink, sandwiches ect ect) a helicopter flew over and landed in the grounds and out got another ITN camera team…Told you. Money for nothing. He got a bollocking off ITN for that. Not the helicopter. No, landing in the hotel grounds…lol. And talk about knowing everything about expenses. This guy owned the pens and pencils to write it with. I have never earned so much money through him telling us what to write. It was scary. But we did get paid. He also knew how to spend ITN money and we lived it up like millionaires.

I was at the beginning of the newspaper strikes at Wapping. We had gone down to Fleet street and started to film when everyone was grabbing all their gear and doing the off? We drove down to Wapping to the new News of the World press paper producing centre which looked something out of a concentration camp with barbed wire, thug faced security guards etc etc. Where can we set up? I immediately started to press buttons on this block of flats overlooking the centre. Some very nice chap? If you know want I mean answered and I asked could be purchase his apartment for the week? Yes was the reply. So, upstairs into his living room and set up camera etc etc. He supplied tea and snacks and we told him to sort out the bill with ITN. We lasted two days as the police wanted us down? They threatened him with some breach of security law and we ended up on a wall about 14ft off the ground in all the elements. After all the riots by the workers and police and thug faced security and we were in the middle of this, lol. By the end of the 4 day the police had seen enough of us and started to attack us? We were filming by the gates one evening and 12-20 police who had taken their I.D numbers off were coming over for a ruck. Just as they were going to start, I said to one of the coppers, “You come from Southgate nick”. He did. If anything happens to us. I know where to find you. So, nothing happened until later that night we had repositioned ourselves up on the wall as it was a great vantage point for getting great shots of the riots. Unbeknown to us a group of 6-8 coppers had crept up behind us and dragged us down, a few digs here and there. But they did not know that the guy upstairs who we befriended had filmed this on a VHS camera. We got back to ITN and processed the tape to broadcast. The sound man had swapped tapes in the main recorder for us so the coppers got blanks. Scotland Yard descended upon ITN requesting the VHS tape and everything else or face the consequences? Talk about Big Brother. ITN had to relent. But Scotland Yard had to pay out to one of the cameraman who was seriously hurt by being pulled off the wall.

Party time at ITN. You had to party or have fun where ever you were as you never knew when your bleeper is going to go off. I’ve been in restaurants and it’s gone off. I’ve been in pubs and it’s gone off. But the best thing was ching ching. £££££ I got paid from the very start of the day again. And every time I would go past midnight so I got paid again. 3 days pay plus time and a half for 3 hours or 4 hours work. I’ll take that all day long.

Anyway to say the least, I was pretty much tanked up on vino or beers most of those years all paid for by ITN. We would have wild Christmas parties around Wells Street W1 which I never remembered getting back home to Southgate. Or, birthday celebrations. The best was a cameraman called Mike (can’t remember his surname) Big 6ft plus happy fellow with ginger hair. It was Mike’s birthday and we were going to Effes kebab restaurant. A tastefully furnished place with fantastic food. Everyone turned up as he was liked a lot. We even took in some ITN equipment to film it all. Food, drink, food, drink, more drink, Ouzo flowing like the Niagara falls, more drink and Mike was 40 sheets to the wind. Later in the evening he decided to strip off and wrap himself up in table cloths and start dancing on the tables to loud cheers and egging on. We got all the tables joined and some one suggested that Mike should get on the sweet trolley which was made of glass and full of gateau’s, profiteroles etc etc etc. We emptied all the cakes and sweets and got Mike on this trolley and we sent him down the tables while he was being battered with all the cakes and sweets. Everyone was covered in all this goo, the manager said he was going to call the police as Mike and the sweet trolley had smashed in to the end of the wall cause no one bothered to stop it…lol All this was being filmed so at the end of the evening all of our American Express cards were put into a bowl and we had got hold of these call girls locally?? To pick one out. Luckly it was not mine. One of the girls said to camera. “That will do nicely” The bill was going to be paid by ITN American Express card. The next day we were called one by one into the office to receive a bollocking and to pay for the redecoration of the restaurants walls, carpets etc etc and the broken sweet trolley. Didn’t take much notice as my head was banging.

At ITN you worked as a team and you had to rely on each of us to look after the other. You also did what you had to do to get the job done and pulled out all the stops whatever the time of day or night.

I had completed a tour up North, Manchester to be precise. We had booked ourselves into the Britannia Hotel because it had a better class of eye candy and a disco. Lol. I was driving back along the M1 and just passed junction 22, the road was fairly clear so I put my foot down and got home around 22.30. Sharon my girlfriend had made me a cup of tea and I was going to have an early night as I had to be back in the office by 8.00 when the phone rang. I picked it up and someone said what the fuck are you doing there? I asked why and the reply was, “ A jet has crashed on the M1” Piss off was my reply, I’ve just driven down it. Next my bleeper was going and the phone rang again. It was assignments. Get up to junction 22, there is a plane on the M1. Well £££££££ So off I went and the M1 had been closed to all traffic, how I got on there I don’t remember, all I know is I was the only one on that motorway all the way. I got to junction 22 and was turned off by the police and I drove into the hotel nearby. I checked in and informed ITN of my position. They were delighted and we had already got some shots of the jet on the M1. While waiting in the bar (of course) for fellow crew, I could see that everyone was not in a good mood?? My colleagues turned up and I was dragged out. The hotel was full of grieving relatives?? How was I to know. The Vodka tonic was OK. Filming the plane laying there on the motorway was difficult as I had seen and still felt anxiety for Lockerbie scenes.

Who remembers when the Chernobyl disaster occurred? The main stream news was about all the fall out due to wind direction. We had been requested to go to the governments testing facility down in Didcot, Oxford called RAF Harwell. We were screened for security and taken in, we had to don white boots, coats and go through a clean room process. The scientist was talking openly about testing this and that. We were filming them test everything we eat. And I mean everything. I wanted to get some cut always; these are shots for editing purposes. While doing this, they had forgot we were there when a very loud alarm went off and everyone was rushing around like headless chickens. We carried on filming these scientists talking about the rem count? That means radiation level. There were red lights going off everywhere and we carried on filming. All of a sudden, what the fuck are they doing here? We got removed by security and just in case swapped tapes over in the machine. We were taken outside and it was pissing it down with rain. That was the cause that set off the alarms. The radiation levels were that high. We had to go through a thyroid scanner and were given tablets to take. Surprisingly, one scientist talked to us off camera and said. Never eat Welsh lamb and give up Beef as they are like vacuums and suck up all the moisture. Don’t drink mild or dairy if you want to live. Talk about scary, and the government covered all this up to the general public.

Lockerbie Pan American Jumbo Jet bombing.

I also covered the Clapham Junction disaster and the Lockerbie disaster. It was Christmas time and the terrorists had blown up a jet going over Lockerbie, we had been chartered a jet by ITN to take us up as near as possible into Scotland. Upon arrival our Avis Granada 4x4 were waiting. It was freezing, so we decided to descend on the nearest clothing shop. We all came out like Worzel Gummage nice woolly outfits paid for by ITN. What are we going to do? Just drive about looking for anything. After about 2 hours somehow I ended up in Lockerbie? I drove through the town and at the end it was blocked off by the local police. I immediately stopped ran into a pub and asked how much does he take in a week?? I then said double it and you will have to water and feed us and the rest of the team that will come. The landlord agreed and I also mentioned that NO locals are allowed in. I informed ITN of our location and set up. (Nice pat on the back for that one). We got back into the Granada and started to drive around. All the toys (camera, recorder etc was in the boot) We came across a road block and was stopped by the local police. I could not understand what the local policeman was saying, so I just said in my broad Scottish accent Oh Aye and he sent us on our way?? We drove for about an hour when we came across this huge pine forest covered in what looked like a thousand toilet rolls, well that’s what it looked like? The lights of the car were picking all this out and it was everywhere?? What is it. We walked around staring at it when I said “ get back into the car quick” I had realised that this is all that is left of you when the aluminium body sheds you on the way down. We did not film any of this and we were all pretty shaken. I carried on driving and in the distance you could see huge lines of lights going over the hills. It was the search teams. As we rounded a bend I shouted “What the fuck is that”? Out of the blackness and ghostly lite by the car headlights was a large white object with a blue stripe. We had found the nose cone of the jet or should I say a Pan American Jumbo jet. No one was around, only us. So we got out the toys and started to film. All of a sudden the reporter had climbed over the fence and was walking towards the jet. Where the fuck are you going? He turned and said “There may be someone alive inside or we can get some shots in there”. How he did not get his head filled in by the rest of us beats me. We were there for about ½ hour and know one came. We could get no signal on the mobile phones and I was looking around when I spotted in the far distance a farmhouse with a light on. We drove up the dirt track and I knocked at the door. A little boy appeared and I showed my press pass which had a photo of me on it. I asked is mummy and daddy here? He said no and his younger brother appeared by his side. Once again I asked and the answer was no. Can I please use your phone? OK was the reply. The little boy then asked me while I was dialling the police. “ Is it about the money”. Daddy came in with suitcases full of it? I looked at the reporter who was propping up the door frame now thinking he was onto a Pulitzer prize. I said to him directly “ We are not here for this story” and NO mention of this to ITN when we get back. I had phoned the police to inform them of the nose cone and its location. They wanted to know who we were and I said nothing. We left and got back to Lockerbie to get the first pictures of the jet on News at Ten and it was the same footage shown by ITN and the BBC for days. What an exclusive. By the end of the night, we were still buzzing and on a roll. We had to go around the town and do Vox pops. It is where you have to go out and get local shots and ask locals etc how they feel. I hated doing this. It’s where we get the name Gutter Press. Day 2. One day before Christmas Eve. We had got the local police to let us go into where the main part of the jet had hit the village. We were warned, any upsetting scenes and we will run you out of town? After that back to Vox pops. I went down to the town hall and set up. Hundreds of flowers were laying there. We started to film the flowers and I zoomed into a card that said “To the girl I met in the red dress. I didn’t know your name but your smile said it all” etc etc. A Chinese man had got off in London and she stayed on. The tape went back to the pub for editing to be broadcast and we got back at around 22.45 pm. As we walked through the door, there were people crying and the director and other staff were standing clapping us? ITN had signed off just showing what was written on that card. It was an extreme, emotional video moment you don’t forget. Day 3 Christmas Eve. More filming and assignments had phoned me. Martin, ITN would like you to take Christmas off. I looked at John the sound man and the look in his eyes said it all. We had done the past 3 years Christmas coverage. OK, So we waited to hand over to the next crew and immediately got flights back to Heathrow airport. Both of us got absolutely pissed on the plane and I was picked up by my girlfriend, Sharon. I wished John a Happy Christmas and gave him a hug. He was going back to ITN London with the toys and get a private cab from there. Sharon drove me back to Enfield. (I don’t remember any of what happened next). I was informed by Sharon that I jumped out of the car screaming and Sharon left me by the road and drove home. I walked into my local which was nearby. The Chase Side Tavern and everyone cheered. I asked the barman to buy everyone a drink and politely walked out the back door not paying. I then walked up towards Southgate and met my brother Kerry on the way. We walked into The White Hart and I done the same there walking out the back door. I remember Sharon softly patting my face later in the afternoon saying are you OK? I woke up on my bed, how did I get there? She said you better come downstairs. I went down to a huge pile of Christmas items, food everywhere. Turkey, Christmas pud etc etc Crackers. Even a small tree. Stuff from Boots the chemist. I don’t remember any of this. There was a shopping trolley from Sainsburys on the driveway. Have the police been I asked. No. What made it crazy was, Sharon had my wallet and I had not paid for anything. She once again asked me if I was OK. I must admit I did feel a bit numb. So I got ready for the Christmas Eve night at The Kings Head in Winchmore Hill. A huge cheer greeted me when I walked in. I got a pint and cheered everyone. I took a mouthful and another when it felt like someone had poured a pint over me. What’s gong on? I started to scream, what’s going on? Get him out of here quick. I was taken home and woke up very late on Christmas day not feeling very well? ITN had phoned Sharon to ask if I was OK. She said No and they informed her that John had got back to ITN, put the toys away and walked into assignments to wish the girls a Merry Christmas and they said to him “ Are you OK John”? He hit the floor screaming and crying? We later found out that the BBC and ITN had lost up to 20 staff through Post Traumatic Syndrome. We had to attend a Harley Street specialist. I still can’t watch anything to do with Lockerbie. It was a shame we could not show locals of Lockerbie walking into the local Barclays and Lloyds banks with bundles of US dollars etc. Ghouls all of them. To say the least, I had earnt after tax over £3500 for 3 days work and that does not include expenses…Merry Christmas everyone.

Margaret Thatcher had it in for unions. Some of these new ENG crews were 6-8 people in a crew?? Thatcher had broken the miners and now she had it in for everyone. We were interviewing her and she commented on how lovely it was for only 2 people who can do the job of 6-8 people. I wanted to whack her over the head live on TV. But no. In the end the regionals wanted to do their own news coverage and stop paying ITN to do it for them. OK a lot of us had all ready jumped ship and got other jobs. I was offered £100 a day, no expenses. No I will do it for £150 a day. This was agreed but never came to pass as some of the low lifes and they know who they are. done it for £100.

The day I blew up God’s son! Martin, you need to get to Oxford University, they are testing the Turin Shroud? A bit of cloth supposedly that covered the body of Jesus.

Where's my frigging golden gates gone?

We loaded up fresh batteries and made sure all the equipment was loaded into the Bat mobile (Blue Volvo Estate Car). Off to Oxford. Looking through the Michelin star restaurant guide for the UK to see where we could eat was first order of the day. We found a couple of decent places Belmond Le Manoir aux Quat'Saisons owned by Raymond Blanc or we could eat at Brasserie Blanc . In the end we had something at Browns restaurant in the town as the University had laid on lunch with the Dean and directors. We were taken to a lab where we had to put on white coats, we set up the equipment and were informed of the procedure that they were going to do. Electron microscope and Carbon dating were the order of the day. The Church had decided to end the speculation once and for all about it being a fake. It does make you wonder? If it’s real, do I get down on my knees and pray for forgiveness and can I have a bungalow with 24hr bar when I get to heaven? The lab had all this chrome things in it and I decided to place some coloured lights to enhance the effect. There was this very large ball all with wires going into it etc etc. We filmed the scientists and the equipment and they said they were going to start the operation. I connected the camera and recorder to a extension lead as the batteries were going down. I placed a couple of more lights to reflect off the ceiling to make it more moody. OK ready. The piece of cloth had been placed in the machine and sealed. The machine kicked into life and all of a sudden everywhere went black? We all froze, was it Gods will? No the mains had gone? The electrician came and started to shout and throw his dummy out of the pram. There’s too much on the circuits. My fault, I had plugged the two extra 2kw lights into the ring main that ran the testing equipment. Nothing was said by the Oxford team and the test was reset about an hour later. This time with no moody lights. OK, ready. The machine kicked back into life and once again. Bang. No me this time. Oh yes it was....When I added up the wattage on all the equipment it came in as 27 amps. 15 amp RCD fuse is not enough. Although the electrician at Oxford had informed me the circuits were on a 32 amp RCD. He got the bollocking, not me.

The testing was a failure regarding Carbon dating but the estimates did show it to read about 1900 years old? Not conclusive. The thing that did make me think was that it was proved to be of sack cloth woven in the same style and period of that time and the elasticity of the weave confirmed the time. (OK I’m not on my knees yet). Later when they done DNA testing, it was proved to be human tears and blood. (OK, now I’m on my knees). Who wants a beer at my place? Open 24 hours for all eternity.

Scapa Flow ITN

I had been invited to cover a story up in Scotland with Seb Rich. We were going to cover the anniversary of Scapa Flow. Off we went to the Orkneys laden with 43 boxes of heavy equipment. We had in our team a Mr Lawrence McGinty ITN science correspondent and he was pretty stout. He resembled Oliva Hardy (Laural & Hardy) We arrived and sourced accommodation in a decent bungalow. We now had to get some transport to the site? i.e. A boat. Having talked to locals in the area, Our journey took us to Stromness harbor; we acquired a tramp steamer type fishing boat captained by an identical stout person and his No2 looked like Count Dracula who informed us he wanted to kill the Queen Mother? Our girl Mina was the name of the boat. There was a safety person on our team along with a specialist diver, also Seb, John, Myself and the captains wife who was petite called Mo, we wondered how they got it on as she was so small and him so large? She cooked scallops boiled in sea water in a galvanized bucket served on doorstep size bread while sailing to the site. Lovely with melted butter dripping down you face. The Orkneys have a strange climate, you can have Winter, Summer, Autumn and Spring all in one day and that happened every day. We anchored over the wrecks and got suited up. What we were trying to do was get Lawrence to do a piece to camera while standing on the deck of a sunken war ship. We were inundated with problems. Battery going down, the sound not working, air bottles running out of air, fucking boat going up and down pulling on all the leads. And all the while 240v generating to feed the underwater lights and all the lighting cables getting very wet. Electricity and water don’t go together and how we got away with it. I don’t know. In the end Lawrence done his piece to camera while standing on the deck with a huge gun behind him and we got the story on ITN News at Ten. Mike the safety diver told stories to us on the way back to the harbour of US divers who were diving on liquid? And could go down to nearly a mile underwater. Typical crazy yanks, how we never drowned over that week due to excessive alcohol intake amazes me, didn’t get the bends once. Threw up a few times. lol. Mr Sebastian Rich did include me in his book - People I have shot. Cheers mate.

Independent Television News - Wells Street W1, London.

I would of paid ITN to work there. I would of done it just for expenses. It was like a drug. You had to do it, whatever the story. I met everyone, Royals, Politicians, Astronaunts, Rock stars and low life’s. I covered danger zones in Ireland and riots in London. I met some wonderful genuine people and we still got called gutter press from the people who have to watch the news to see what is going on in the safety of their homes. Do I miss it. Yes. Money for nothing and the chicks were FREE.

There were so many stories, my mates used to say what have you done to day? All I used to say was, did you see the news on TV tonight? Some of those stories is what I done.