Mom..

I never did tell you about how I lost my virginity, the pressure that I felt when he went in and outside of me

I never told you that sometimes when I smiled, I wasn’t happy, I just pretended to be

I never told you how much I was betrayed growing up, not realizing you were the REAL best friend to me

I never told you that it hurt my feelings when you yelled, I felt like I had to box in my feelings, so I started surrounding myself with a shell

• I never told you that I just wanted your attention; I just wanted you to hear me sing and be proud of me in my expression

I never told you how ashamed I was after no longer being a virgin, because after the deed was done, I was never the same person

Used & Abused, Kept looking for something to hold, I had this yearning- Boy after boy , Hurting and more hurting

I never told you that I want to tell you everything, but never to stress you

I never told you how much I love you, wanted to hug you, and I was never trying to test you

I never told you that sometimes I felt blamed even when it wasn’t my fault, I walked with shame, and that I can never forget that specific way in which you screamed my name

I never told you I cried myself to sleep so many nights, it was so hard when you put up a fight because I knew you was wrong, though I wasn’t trying to be right

Your childhood traumas traumatized my childhood, there was a lot of good but also things that I never understood

I know you did the best that you could, and as an adult I am good, but still feel there’s things left to say, ..

And I will go out of my way to express to you what I’m feeling today

Because I’ve got to heal! Or should I say WE? And to do that, we gotta have a conversation You & Me

Keeping it real and not holding it in, but really dig down & express the things that I’ve sealed within

Things I thought I would never open, but it’s time to reveal and say things that’s never been spoken

The things in my heart,

I never told you that over the years you’ve changed and these things that I’m saying wasn’t from the start

I never told you how much I fear for the day you depart, but it would hurt more if I didn’t tell you these things, so I’ll use my art

Like I never told you I would’ve rather your time than all those things in the shopping cart

I know you love me and I love you so can we get past it all without having to argue?

I never told you how I used to drink to numb the pain of feeling insane in a world where I’ve always felt strange

Suppressing all those tears built up throughout the years, And I realized fear was the ONLY thing keeping me there

I never told you there was times I wish you hit me, because the words you said in anger still stick with me

Can we build a new relationship? Free, open and transparent

Unconditional love from Child to parent?

And not have conditions with me playing the opposition and feeling I have to silence my voice because of my younger position

I never told you that I beat myself up trying to figure out, what this life thing is really about

I never told you that with music I found my place on earth, and that I’m so very happy I’m the one and only daughter you birthed