Missing you

Is it wrong to love what once was?

What seemed to be my everything.

What once was so everlastingly easy.

Or at least it seemed to be.

What happened to you and me.

I thought you said you wanted me.

I thought you said it would be easy.

Instead it seemed so easy for you to walk away.

So easy for you to move on.

Here I am, lost in trying to find me.

You, you knew with certainty.

I wish I could say I let go.

Everyday I fight to let go.

Why does it have to be this way?

I must let you go.

Your face filled with memories.

I get so lost I don’t know where to go.

I feel like I lost my dad again inside my home.

I woke up in the middle of the night and I cried for my dad but for you my heart aches.

You felt like home to me.

I kept going further and further away from home, I found myself wandering.

I’m still wandering.

I can’t get a grip on who I’m suppose to be.

I do know one thing because of you I was forced to be my own everything.

I was forced to love myself again.

To love everything knew about me.

To go through my own shadow.

To see the light I carried inside of me.

I know I want you to see now the light I share.

I didn’t always do that with you.

I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough then.

Maybe that’s the point?

I don’t know, maybe I’ll never experience it again.

The love that once was my everything.

Maybe that’s the problem with me.

I put too much love into it.

I need to think logically.

I gave what I knew.

Still it wasn’t enough for you.

I must let go, but everywhere I go I see you in someone new.

Hoping I’d find you.

Instead I feel delusional.

Thinking I could find it again.

The love that filled my heart with joy.

The love I lost.

I don’t know here to look.

Maybe you can help me.

Here I go again wishing you were with me.

I’m so sad now.

I can’t pinpoint where I need to go.

I’m so lost now the voices tell me all kinds of things.

I can’t see me anymore.

I can only see that god did it for something.

I want to believe so.

I see a home and I want to go inside.

It’s so cold outside.

I’m afraid that home is not something f I’m familiar with.

Or maybe I’ll do the same thing.

Maybe I’ll ruin everything.

I’m so scared.

I see the darkness still.

Why did you do this to me?

How did the love we had turn into this?

I don’t understand.

I don’t understand now sometimes I see the dark without you.

Sometimes I think that’s where it all began.

Let me go, I’m sure you’re thinking.

I thought if I did I’d be so happy.

I thought if I did I’d turn into everything i needed to be.

Instead I’m missing you, a part of me.

I missing everything.

It’s hard to see that it was for me.

I pray for strength.

I pray I get to share love one day.

I pray for clarity.

I pray that one day we will meet.

I pray that one day we will see.

I pray for the sake of love.

The love that once was wasn’t for nothing.

What god intended it to be.

I pray we see each other and smile.

And know then just then it was for everything.