Merlot

Here I sit in the Central Ave. Café, alone and waiting for my internet date to appear. It’s a comfortable afternoon in July, and I enjoy coming to this Café on dates for three reasons. One, the booze. That’s a no brainer. Relaxed inhibitions and all that. Two, the view of the board walk is incredible, and this spot is surprisingly low key as such. That brings me to three, the cliental is local enough that the place is never empty, and thereby a safe public space. It’s not a rowdy nightclub so you can hear yourself talk. You can feel comfortable here meeting friends or alone, just reading a book and lounging in your casuals. Tonight, I have dolled myself in a floral-patterned House of Foxy top, some thrifted grey chinos, and some enchanting ‘Miss L Fire’ wedges with firebirds across the top. Those are my secret weapon to inspire extra confidence in myself and bring good luck as I embark on new adventures. I enjoy little embellishments in my wardrobe and if they’re whimsical or animal, even better. I wonder if my date will appreciate them.

My favorite waitress, greets me warmly “Liza, would you like your usual starter? “Yes please, Marie, you are so good to me.” She has been a real gem throughout some comically bad dates I’ve sat through here. As I settle into my table, my thoughts drift back through the emotional bruises I’ve got from rude and thoughtless men. The internet claimed they were ‘Kind, or funny, or sensitive.’ I’ve learned that translates into him being a push-over, offensive, or manipulative. My first boyfriend, Dave, would say he loved me, but only loved my appearance. In fact, he hated every word I had to say, and when I spoke my mind or tried to tackle a touchy subject, he had an especially nasty habit 0f trying to silence me. Or my last date who thought his off-color jokes were not only acceptable, but hilarious. I am not going to be laughing at the expense of any other human, and I will not associate with anyone who does, no further questions please.

I wonder, will Marcus be the one to show me what I’ve been missing? Marcus. Tall, handsome, tanned. Works as a landscaper, so attention to detail, or so I hope. Capable of appreciating natures beauty and working with it to create art. That was the initial appeal for me. He seemed to like my studious nature, and was capable of a decent conversation, via Zoom. I don’t hold many expectations, and I’m too aware that people look better on paper. I like to look presentable, online and in person. While I do appreciate the advantages of technology, I prefer not to let it dominate my life, social or otherwise. I schedule dates online occasionally, but my life is already full and beautiful . Mostly if I’m not in, or around some water finding my Zen, I’m working at my passion- finding, selling, and wearing vintage clothes. Not only that, I’m also a full-time plant mother. I am tender with my many various species of plants, and they can be quite needy. I cannot seem to find that same tenderness for a needy man. I like space to breathe and grow continuously, much like my 7 foot tall Monstera deliciosa A.K.A. Swiss cheese plant. I am kind, but I can be brisk if my buttons are pushed. At which point, I don’t always make frail egos comfortable in my presence. To me, that helps weed ‘em out ! The true test though, comes naturally in this public setting. If he’s rude to the waiter, check please and *I tip well on my way. If he’s chauvinistic, he isn’t ‘man enough for me.’ If he looks right through the street performers and travelers on the boardwalk, I’ll be looking right through him on my way past him.

I just want to be able to walk down the street with someone, arm in arm, and comment on the wonders of the universe. I just want someone to show up on time for me and not undercut me or fail to notice my value as a person. Sure, I can put on lipstick and a cute vintage skirt and be pretty and bouncy and feminine. I just don’t want that to be all there is. I want someone to be as drawn to my mind as they are my figure.

A glance around the room tells me that groups of people are forming at tables. Marcus could walk in within the next 20 minutes and still be on time. I am chronically early. It can’t be helped. I actually think it’s another side effect of coping in a disappointing world. I don’t let myself down regardless of what happens. I’m nothing if not reliable. Unlike men, one thing that has always been reliable for me is a boozy drink. When I go dancing on the town a long island always does the trick. When I’m wanting to binge some Netflix, an ice-cold lager is a friend indeed. When I’m on a date something strong with a smooth finish like a glass of merlot is where I go. Something that portrays a scholarly attitude.

I think back on my college days and remember at the time thinking how much better than high school it would be. How much more mature the students would be. How I would find my people, who are respectful and fun, and we would all make our own clothing on the weekends and go to art shows and parties. Well, that didn’t exactly happen. I did however join the swim team to quench my love of water and freedom and movement. In fact, I’m probably much more graceful in water than out of it, and it’s one place I feel at home. I walk the length of the pier as frequently as possible. Such a view of the pier from this very chair. The boardwalk is lit with Japanese style lanterns and the ocean air is sweet on my mind. Such a peaceful power. When I can’t make it to the beach for a swim, I’m visiting the lap pool at the local “Y” three times a week religiously.

I lament as I sip my wine. When I think of my very first sip of wine, I think of religion. At 12, the age is ripe in Catholicism to serve up some blood of christ. I felt so special, so adult. I hid my shock at the pungency of the flavor. I guess I imagined his body tasting sweet like the grape juice it appeared to be. Oh, childhood innocence. Before you discover the depth of the masquerade around you at any given time. Before you start having several “blood of christ” at every meal. Before you renounce the scripture entirely, entirely due to the lack of open mindedness they claim they have when they preach. Speaking of not following the script, it is now 7 on the dot, and no Marcus, Hmmm.

“Yes please, I’ll have another, Marie. Thank you.”

So I get all “dolled” up for this man who I’ve been vetting for 4 months. He was supposedly breathless in anticipation of our encounter. Perhaps, something out of his control happened. Perhaps he found a better occasion to be breathless for. Perhaps I’m jumping to conclusions too soon, however I find that typically when people want to be somewhere, they aren’t more than a few minutes late. Also, men can be easily distracted.

Distracted by a pretty face or a sculpted form, but have not a drop of curiosity of the deeper questions of humanity. This superficiality threatens to distract my attraction away, so I take a hard pass on anyone who is only concerned where looks are concerned. Does nobody just look up at the stars at night anymore? Does nobody wonder how we came to this planet and if we have some higher purpose? A little deep for a first date, sure, and I don’t really expect such a connection. I just want one. Someone who physically gets my blood pumping, with thought provoking discussions, instead of shock or hurt. That would denote a certain lack of ego, and I haven’t seen that yet.

I enjoy my glass of Merlot whilst I pondered Marcus and his potential merits, even as his lack of punctuality slips out the grimy window facing the street. I watched little hoards of people saunter past the Café, as I let my mind wander.

Evening looms closer, the last vestiges of sunlight glinting through the window, giving off light and shadows in equal measure. This part of the day, known as The Gloaming, has always been my favorite mood. The days worries and limitations fade away, as the semi darkened sky brings a festive and mysterious vibe. Many people are afraid of the dark, while I crave it. I long to share my shadows and possibly share in another’s. There’s where real connection and intimacy come from, in my opinion. Revealing a secret after a midnight cocktail or exposing vulnerability before cereal in the morning. Those are things I look forward to. If I can get past a first date, that is.

This marks 20 minutes late, and no word from my would-be suitor. Does not speak well of his character. I swirl my Merlot and gaze upon it like it’s some kind of crystal ball. The deep red is incapable of showing a reflection in it, just curly q’s of sediment revealing to me that another glass is in my near future. I slide out of my chair to head towards the bar-side counter. I feel someone behind me as I move my chair to stand. As I swivel on my heel in a whirl, expecting Marcus and his tall, dark, lateness with some lame excuse, I’m instead surprised to see a gorgeous woman. Her jet-black hair is curled high atop her head and held in place with several gorgeous peacock pins that shimmer in the florescent lighting. Her smile is large and quite becoming. Am I buzzed already? I feel a little floaty as I continue to gaze at her face and her expression of amusement and interest. She is wearing an adorable little ensemble of lace and linen, and little trinkets adorn her arms and neck. I realize I’ve been staring at this point and find a suitable opener, “I love your outfit!” she moves forward so I can admire her necklace, and I also notice there are no tags in her clothes “I make them myself, thank you. I’m Cinder.

I have to admit, I noticed yours the moment you arrived. *her eyes flash approval as she appraises my top, down to my rockin’ heels * “After, I saw you checking the clock for an hour, I told myself that the time was now to meet you.“ “I’m glad you did because it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Liza. I was just watching the clock run out on someone who thought they could waste my time. Cinder hasn’t taken her eyes off me. “I was hoping to take up some of your time, but I wouldn’t waste it for all the watches in Manhattan.” A genuine smile of delight forms on my lips, a blush right behind it. “Please, have a seat” As I pull out the chair next to me, she curtsies for me. I can’t help but giggle, as my smile quirks right up my cheeks.

“Liza, would you be interested in a drink, followed by a walk along the pier?”

“I would love to, Cinder. ”

Marie appears as if on que, with a smile and a “What are you ladies drinking tonight?”

I look to Cinder, allowing her to order first. She grins at me.

“Same as you, please. I love a good glass of merlot on the first date.”