Main Jinazay Mein Apna Naam Dhoondta Raha"

Main Jinazay Mein Apna Naam Dhoondta Raha

Log keh rahe thay, "Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un..."
Main bhi un ke saath dua mein haath utha raha tha.
Magar mere haath kaamp rahay thay.

Main khud ko samjha raha tha ke yeh kisi aur ka janaza hai.
Lekin har lamha, har manzar, har chehra mujhe keh raha tha — yeh tumhara hi hai.
Tumhara loss. Tumhari khamoshi ka anjaam.

Yaad araha tha woh waqt jab Ammi kehtein:
“Beta, ek din tumhara busy hona humein tumse door kar dega.”
Main hansa karta, keh deta: “Ammi, drama mat karo. Main hoon na.”

Magar waqt ne dikha diya, main kabhi tha hi nahi.

Main sochta tha waqt toh hai.
Kal call kar lunga.
Agli chhutti mein ghar chala jaunga.
Sugar check karwana hai? Agle month karwa denge.
Par kal kabhi aaya hi nahi.

Aaj, janazay mein har koi tha.
Rishtedaar, puranay dost, mohally ke log...
Lekin main akela tha.
Woh dono jinke liye main kabhi waqt nahi nikaal saka,
Aaj waqt ne mujhe unke samnay khara kar diya — bejaan, be-taaluq.

Unki aankhon mein shikwa hota toh shayad seh leta.
Lekin aaj unki aankhen band thi.
Aur meri aankhon mein — sharmindagi thi.

Kisi ne kahaa:
“Kaash unka beta pehle aa jata...”
Kisi ne kahaa:
“Woh toh foreign mein busy tha.”

“Busy” — yeh lafz mere dil ko chaak kar gaya.
Yeh woh parda tha jiske peechay mein har baar chhup gaya.
Jab Ammi ne pyaar chaha,
Jab Abbu ne dua maangi,
Main busy tha.

Mujhe yaad hai woh Eid jis din maine sirf ek text bheja tha:
“Eid Mubarak Ammi, busy hoon, baad mein call karta hoon.”
Aur unka jawab tha: “Khush raho beta.”
Us jawab mein shikwa tha, duaa bhi, aur be-aasi bhi.

Aaj main zameen par ghutnon ke bal baitha hoon.
Mitti unke jismon par daali ja rahi hai,
Magar har mutthi mujhe yun mehsoos ho rahi hai
Jaise meri rooh par daali ja rahi ho.

Waqt ne mujhe sirf yaadein chhodi hain.
Woh chai ki pyali jo Abbu har subah bina poochay bana lete thay.
Woh Ammi ka choti si baat pe dua dena.
Woh sab meri zindagi ka asar thay — lekin mein us waqt andesha nahi kar saka.

Main us ghar ko dekh raha hoon jahan mein pala tha,
Jahan Ammi ne mere liye raat raat jag ke duaen ki thi.
Jahan Abbu ne har mushkil waqt mein mere sir par haath rakha tha.

Aaj woh ghar bhi khaali lag raha tha.
Darwazay khulay thay, log aaye jaa rahay thay,
Magar andar sirf khamoshi thi.

Unka silence aaj mere andar cheekh raha hai.
Main woh sab yaad kar raha hoon jo main keh nahi saka,
Woh sab waqt jo main de nahi saka.

Aakhri call mein Abbu ki awaaz kamzor thi.
Unho ne kaha tha, “Beta, dua mein yaad rakhna…”
Aur main... busy tha.

Waqt ek aisi dastak hai jo sirf tab sunai deti hai
Jab darwaza band ho chuka hota hai.
Aaj woh darwaza hamesha ke liye band ho gaya.

Main roz whatsapp status daalta tha,
Roz Instagram pe life dikhata tha,
Aaj sirf aik tasveer rehti hai —
Ammi aur Abbu ki muskurati tasveer.
Main usay dekhta hoon,
Aur dil se poochta hoon:
Kya tu waqai unka beta tha?

Log kehte hain, waqt har zakham bhar deta hai.
Magar mujhe lagta hai, kuch zakham sirf zinda rakhne ke liye hote hain.
Woh yaad dilate hain ke hum bhi kabhi kisi ke liye sab kuch thay.
Aur phir kuch nahi rahe.

Unka chehra aaj itna roshan tha
Jaise woh mujhe maaf kar chukay hoon.
Magar mein khud ko kab maaf kar paunga?
Shayad kabhi nahi.

Jab log chale jatay hain,
Toh sirf unki kami nahi rehti.
Apni khamoshi ka bojh bhi rehta hai.
Unse kuch keh na paane ka gham bhi saath le jata hai.

Aaj main sirf maa baap ka janaza nahi dekh raha tha.
Main apne wajood ka janaza bhi utha raha tha.
Main jinazay mein apna naam dhoondta raha.

Aur mujhe lag...
Woh lifafa jism ka nahi,
Mere zameer ka tha.
The story end kay mujay pata lagay kay yahatak story hay