Love or Career – What Should Come First? (An Honest Take)

Let’s not waste time pretending this topic isn’t controversial. Ask ten different people whether love or career should come first, and you’ll get ten different answers. It’s the kind of debate that sparks arguments over dinner tables, on podcasts, and in late-night group chats.

Now, before we go further, let me be clear—I’m not a life coach, relationship expert, or career counselor. I’m just a writer sharing personal thoughts from years of observing life, listening to people, and living through some of these moments myself. This is not professional advice—it’s just a real conversation.

So, let’s jump into it. Should you focus on love or career first?

Honestly… It Depends

I know, I know—that sounds like a cop-out answer. But hear me out. The truth is, the answer really depends on who you are and where you are in life.

Different cultures have different expectations. Gender plays a role. Your family background, financial situation, and personal goals also matter. So there’s no one-size-fits-all rule. But I’ll share what I’ve noticed and what I genuinely believe helps in the long run.

For Women: Build Yourself First

If you’re a woman, it might be wise to focus on your career before getting too deeply involved in love—especially if you're aiming for long-term financial stability and independence.

Why do I say this?

Because in many parts of the world, even today, women often find themselves juggling careers, relationships, family pressure, and societal expectations—all at once. And let’s face it, not all relationships are built to support your dreams.

In fact, some partners may unintentionally (or intentionally) slow you down. You might hear things like:

• “You’re too busy for me.”
• “Why do you work so much?”
• “A woman shouldn’t earn more than her man.”

These comments can chip away at your confidence and make you question your goals. That’s why I say: invest in your education, grow your income streams, and secure your independence before falling head over heels in love.

Because when you know who you are and what you bring to the table, you’re less likely to settle for less than you deserve. A career gives you that foundation. It gives you freedom. And it ensures that if love does come along, it complements your life—it doesn’t control it.

For Men: Find Real Love Early (If You Can)

Now, for the guys—my advice might surprise you.

If you’re a man, building your career is important, no doubt. But don’t overlook the power of finding love early. When you’re still at the beginning, when your dreams are big but your wallet is small—that’s when real love shows itself.

Once you’re successful, it becomes harder to know who’s genuinely there for you. Money attracts a crowd, but not all of them are cheering for you. Some are there for the lifestyle, not the person behind it.

So if you’re lucky enough to meet someone who believes in you before the success kicks in, don’t take it for granted. A woman who stands by you when you have nothing but ambition is worth her weight in gold. That kind of bond can carry you through anything.

I’ve seen men who chased wealth first and ended up lonely, unsure who to trust. And I’ve seen others who built love and careers side by side—and they thrived, not just financially, but emotionally too.

So… Which Comes First?

Let’s be real: Life doesn’t always let us choose neatly between love or career. Sometimes love shows up when you least expect it. Sometimes career opportunities knock at the worst possible moment. That’s life—it’s messy, unpredictable, and beautifully complicated.

But here’s what I do believe:

• If you’re a woman, building a strong, independent life first can save you from years of frustration and disappointment.
• If you’re a man, don’t be afraid to open your heart before opening your wallet. Genuine connection is harder to find than money.

And if you can, try to grow both—love and career—together. Support each other. Build together. Share dreams, but also keep your individual identity.

If you found this interesting, read my other piece Dating a Gen Z

Final Thoughts

There’s no perfect path. There’s no rulebook. But what matters most is knowing yourself. Be honest about what you want. If love comes first for you, let it—but make sure it’s real. If career is your top priority, don’t let anyone shame you for focusing on your goals.

At the end of the day, love and career are both beautiful in their own way. One fills your heart, the other fuels your growth. And when done right, you don’t have to choose—you just have to align them with your purpose.