Love?

This is hell of cliché but here goes nothing.

Dear life,

Here we go again with this thing called life why is this hard and why are people so difficult why is life so dreadful but yet so flamboyance. Do not know about you but I just want to be happy in life so is it I do I make it difficult? am I difficult to love and be happy with? Let us have a talk about the most non-existing thing called love.

Love is something that is meaningful and unconditional at least that is what I was taught.

I love his drive; he has goals and is overly ambitious he probably would have been a great friend but that is not what we went into. I love the way he dresses, I love his slang, I love his tattoos, I love the way he feels the way he smells, I love everything about him, yes nobody is perfect, but he was, I love the way he goes inside me as if we are making love.

It is just sex though that is it nothing more nothing less I have always kept it real with him, but my one secret was I felled for him yes love is what I felt. Love is something I regret doing because the love was not mutual yea, I feel dumb, but you live and learn.

I ask myself all the time why him? Why would I let a piece of man make me stress and depressed someone who does not see that I am more than a sex fiend. I am a caretaker, a daughter, a sister, a lover, a well-driven woman with goals and priorities, I am a provider I am more wife material than he could have ever thought I see it, but does he?

I do not know why him maybe it was the way he smiled, the way he walked the way he made it seemed like he cared, but I knew for him it was sex he did not care it was not love for him so why profess my love to him exactly no point.

He as the “man” that he claims to be does not see my worth- he does not see what is in my heart. He had the key to it and with it he could have conquered the world, but he did not see what was right in front of him someone who would do anything for him. Yea its foolish but it is the facts the hard cold dumb fact.

Why come out to a boy who is stuck in his old ways, who so “independent” he feels as if he does not need anyone. It is him by himself it is his world, and I am just living in it I guess he will never know what he means to me even though I am just a score for him.

I held my head up high as if it meant nothing as if he meant nothing. When in reality he means everything and more but that would scare him he will run, boys are not ready for commitment, so I play the game.

what I had was unfair not to him but to me and I am foolish for loving him as hard as I did but I could not resist I knew what I was getting into because I am smarter than it may seem, but he will never know the love for DB.

How can something so non-existing feel so real? Love for a boy will never heal until you love yourself know that you are worthy and deserving of everything the world has to offer. ❤️