Letters to Vita

“My Dearest Vita,

I found your company charming and exhilarating, your mind is attractive to me. Since knowing you Vita, I loathe any activity that you are not involved. Some may say this sort of attachment is obsessive. I deem it only habitual, an acquired behaviour that you have extracted from me. My eyes open and rest with thoughts of you, I have never been so enchanted before than as I am now. I am utterly at your mercy; the feeling of non-reciprocation might end me.

Yours truly”

“My Dearest Vita,

Why must you make me feel ever so crazy. Like a lunatic whom hasn’t digested ones drugs. Like a wolf ready to howl at the sight of moonlight. Like a woman infatuated and ever so in love with another woman, a tale that cannot be told. Vita, you must understand where my head and heart lies, as I feel your bodily sensation running through my veins. You are the essence of my being, for you are the reason I wake at sunrise.

With love”

“Dearest Vita,

Is there a melancholy that attaches itself to sapphism I wonder. Amongst having to play the role of a wife, there is a depression that assigns itself with having to play a lover. Are our heartbreaks more wretched and wrenching? I can only speak for my melancholic self whom swallows opiates and guzzles wine to forget and also fantasise about you, I miss you ever so. An exquisite truth that I shall take to my morbid grave, it is ruthless the way I feel towards you. But the darkness consumes me, so I dissipate in my loneliness and miss you dreadfully. A melancholic saphhist, waiting for the freedom to forget a lover.

Love”

“My dearest Vita,

I cannot bear the thought that I am not with you. ‘Bear’, I hate that word, it is so, desperate. I am desperate for you and I cannot bear to be without you any longer. My limbs ache and my lungs gasp for your touch, your breath. I have succumbed to defeat and a lifelong depression. Never will I be the same, perhaps that is the beauty in my love for you. I will never be the same, so I must die to be reborn. Because to live without you is disastrous, a life full of longing and addiction that I cannot heal from. That I cannot get over. Beautifully tragic. To die, just to be with you again.

Sincerely”

“Dearest Vita,

Your silence bothers me. As I continue to lay down my vessel of which you might call human, you continue to watch me dry out in blistering heat, gasping for your fluids of which are a response. My shell of a body will continue to search for yours, as it is the only organism on this earth that makes me feel anything. However, I despise your lack of response and I shall take it quite personally.

Yours truly”

“Dear Vita,

My lust for writing to you exasperates me. Draining life and air from my being, it allows me no rest. The words of you that come to mind look rather strange on my paper, so I repeatedly tear them away and begin again. Each time, bleeding me that diminutive dose more. Perhaps, it is my writing to you, or of you in this case, is the trouble, and my desire to write to you must end there. Nothing more. And nothing less. The writing is where it initiated and, inconsolably where it must end. For both our dismal sakes. I shall miss you dreadfully, and eternally. I shan’t continue to lay myself vulnerable to you any longer. Nor would I ever expect the same from you, my dear.

Yours truly.”

“Dear Vita,

You say I bewitch you, ignite you and intoxicate you. You don’t think you’ve ever wanted something so much in your whole life, yet you throw me away as if I never existed. As if I were just a stepping-stone, a puppet dangling on strings with you as the puppeteer. I gave myself to you, and you lavished me. Wasn’t it marvellous to forfeit oneself to one another? Yet, I feel this homesick feeling now you’ve gone. I feel quite empty, as it seems. This insipidness prevails over me.

Regretfully, yours”

“Vita,

So, you have met someone else. Another lover that meets your needs. Please do not deny it, for I dreamt of it. It was ever so real, your lust and attraction for another. Emphatically you desire someone else, although I had thought I may have possibly been your only. I feel foolish and betrayed by you. That is all.

Warm Regards”

“Vita,

A person must choose whether or not to inflict pain on another, nevertheless you continue to wound me in the most inexplicable way. Torturous it is, you have given yourself to her and I now endure the most excruciating sting. Where have you gone? If you only knew, how much I pine over you then you might deem me senseless. A senseless woman that thinks of nothing else but those voluptuous lips of yours.

Faithfully, yours”

“Vita,

Where did you go darling? Were you thinking of me as I think of you. I believe that I have come to somewhat of a conclusion that we are not meant to be. However, you have meddled with my head and I am terrified that I will never love another the way I have cherished you. You have me in a web, and I am yours to devour.

Yours, always”

“Vita,

Could it be possible my love, that after all this time, all of these relationships and all of these lies; I just want you. I am unsure what could mean for the sickness of my mind and possible reputation. All I know is that, I will never be content if it is not you on my arm, rather than another. Only you can fill this hole I sink in, only you can pull me out of this quick sand.

Warmest Regards”

“Dear,

My melancholy pleasures me through memories and thoughts of you. What seems like a lifetime ago, I was once inside of you. Must I self-medicate with opiates and literature to feel that again. I continue to kill myself slowly because it makes me feel close to you and I wonder why it makes me feel close to you when you’re still breathing. How absurd it is to be haunted by someone that is still breathing, and how absurd it is to kill oneself to be closer to the living.

Sincerley yours”

“Vita,

I have overindulged you, and now wretchedly nothing about me excites you any longer. Yet, you still watch me and continue to string me on from afar. A flickering green light, to let me know you is nevertheless there. It is treacherous, and perhaps an order of karma for when I was unavailable to you. My life is pitiful; so, I must now absquatulate before this feeling of deject spreads like a disease.

Undoubetedly yours”

“Dear,

Has my absence infuriated you, or simply appeased you. Has is contributed to your insomnia or allowed rest. I must know in some form or another, as it will determine my next letter. How nice it is of me to be constantly writing to you, when you’re not writing to me at all.

Hopelessly yours"

"My Dear,

It has become a burden for me to close my eyes. I dreamt of you last night, and you were lovely. So lovely in fact, I woke adoring you. It would bring me great satisfaction, knowing that I’m a burden on you, and that you woke adoring me too.

Yours truly"

"My dear,

Everything leads back to you, and everything I write down on paper emulates this treacherous longing I have for you. This feeling is debilitating, I hope your wounded soul knows that. I suppose, my soul is wounded too.

Always"

"Dear,

I was not truthful, as I could not stand your ears hearing anything other than deception. This is a fault of mine, as I am severely anxious in your presence. Anxious that I will fall at your feet and beseech you to catch me. I feel a deep sadness in your existence and I shan’t see you again. My devastated being cannot take it.

Still yours"

"Dear,

Have you any idea just how much I torture myself by approaching you. Do you feel the urge to approach me too, or are you just so oblivious to the thirst of this desire. Perhaps you have moved on dear, and it merely sorrow you feel when you see me. Do I waste time on you, I must know. I am at the brink, of what I do not know.

Cordially, yours"

"Vita,

I have been taunted now for so long, yet you have only ever strung me along. My silly old heart has been tricked and perhaps a glimmer of attention is enough to drag me back into your abyss. Gladly, I would drown in it. Only if I knew, you would drown with me too.

Yours truly"

"Dear,

I have searched for you doggedly these past irking weeks. How can one give such assurance and then disappear. You mustn’t meddle with me darling; I am fragile with older age. I have become rather irrational; my mind is taking me to demented places. Is it illogical that I fear I will not see you again, or am I delusional with desperation that I might?

Warmest Regards"

"V,

I am a fool for today, your absence made me psychotic. It is conceivable that I have become dependent on something I cannot elucidate. I am in a dangerous quagmire of burning desire. I wonder to myself; will this ever end or will it be like this until I take my last breath.

Forever, yours"

"Dear,

I write this letter to you feeling rather, discombobulated. As I looked for you again today, I was overwhelmed with an urge to ravish you had I made contact with you. In the event this occurs, I would sink my teeth into your skin and taste your minerals. Like my others, this letter encapsulates the continuing longing one has for someone like you. Or my dear, only you.

Yours"

"Dear,

A foolish woman, I am. My eagerness has stripped me naked from my dignity and now I am left in a vulnerable quandary, bearing my preoccupation. Feasibly, this interconnection must disintegrate as I am displaying a disconcerting portrayal of oneself, it’s humorous really. I shall see you in another life. This dark paradise has no longevity for a magnetic yet reticent pair like us. It has scorned and derailed me.

Love"