Learning to survive.

You are supposed to care and love your family above everything. Thats how I was raised. Take care of your family.

I grew up watching my Mother feed and clothe her siblings that couldn't do for themselves. I can't count how many times I had to give up my room or share my bed with a cousin or multiple cousins because they had no where to go or their parent was in jail again.

I like to think that this is the reason we were all so close growing up. I believe my mom did all of it out of the kindness of her heart and that she lived up to the Family first motto she instilled in us.

Four years ago, Mom turned into a whole other person. Mom got caught stealing dads pain meds. He gave her an ultimatum, go to rehab or get divorced. She choose the latter and was gone for a week.

Everything was better after that, we got Mom back, she wanted to start watching my kids again after a few months. She went on vacations with Dad and She was cooking again. Then, she stopped.

The good should always out weigh the bad. Mom told me growing up that if your in a relationship and its bad more then its good, get out. Even with moms wisdom I still had to learn the hard way. My first relationship gave me my oldest son and my niece who is like my own child. That is about the only good things I got from it.

My Dad never wavered. In the four years mom fought her addiction, he might have wanted to give up once or twice. We never knew it. He was strong and supportive. In the end, I wish he would have left.

My mom lost her fight with addiction October 22nd, 2021. She drank herself to death. Dad said in the end he just gave her what she wanted because it was the only way he could keep her happy. He would try to get her to eat or drink something else, but she would refuse. He said it was like feeling his heart ripped out of his body every time she took a drink.

Where in this situation do you give up? Growing up learning that family comes first contradicts this whole situation. You are supposed to take care of them not live in fear that you will loose them, so you enable them. I understand what my dad did. I understand just wanting mom to be happy, but I can't forgive mom for putting him in that situation.

My mom was my best friend. She was the first person I called and the first person I cried to. She was my rock, and with her gone its been brutal. I have lost all want to help anyone. I love my family but I see my husband going down the same path and I just don't care. I want to care, I want to talk to him about his addiction, I want to tell him that I don't want to see him die like my mom did. Though, how to you tell someone who has been an alcoholic their whole lives, that something that has been the generational norm is wrong?

Dealing with my husband the way he is, makes me see things about my mother I didn't realize before.

My mother was a Narcissistic person with a victim mentality. This is part of the complexity of narcissistic personality disorder. The tendency to have low introspection combined with an exaggerated sense of superiority may leave them unable to see the situation in a way that doesn't fit their worldview. As a result, they may “play the victim” in some scenarios

This explained her extreme need to 'take care' of everyone. She had to be front and center, she had to be the most loved person in the room.

I never noticed, I always just thought mom was a warm loving person. I can look back now and see. She would help out my Aunt and let her live with us, but she was good at inadvertently reminding my Aunt who was helping, who's house she was living in, who was helping pay the bills.

She never let anyone forget that she helped them out. Sadly, I picked up on that and realized I have been doing that my whole life as well. Its something I have struggled with leaving behind me. The needing recognition for doing something.

While we all watched mom go downhill, it still hit us hard when she died. She hadn't been 'Mom' in a long time, but she was physically gone now. I still forget sometimes and go to pick up the phone, to tell her something silly her grandkids did. I still call out for her when I go into dads house, its an automatic.

The effect she had on me and my family in the last four years was astronomical. I can't watch someone drink without being turned off. My son cringes when he hears a can open, he has to look to see if its beer or not. My daughter feels like she needs to account for every amount of liquor in my dads house when she stays over.

My dad was distraught for a while. He felt responsible, like he had killed her. He drinks a lot more now. When the kids stay over I have to make sure he's sober. They don't stay over a lot anymore.

This went in several different directions than I had intended. I guess I just needed to show how chaotic life can be with an alcoholic. It breeds issues, my husband was an addict before he ever met my mom, and seeing her die broke him. That is literally the bottom of the bottle, she died at 4'11 and 78lbs.

My dad who never had an issue with drinking, now pops a pain killer and takes a shot to get out of bed in the morning. The depression and hopelessness is visible on his face.

Always ask for help. Don't do it on your own. I miss my mother everyday, and I wish she would have asked for help a lot sooner.