learning to accept things how they are

Can any one else relate to caring so much about the people in your life, that it keeps you up at night? No... just me... cool cool cool. No I get it. Sometimes I care too much but it is only because sometimes (mostly all the time) if something goes wrong in their life, I blame myself. Crazy... right?

Welp, that's called being an older sibling and most of the responsibility is put on you growing up. Sorry we are getting off track... it is not about that. We will talk about that another time.

Let's go back to the beginning of this thought that was running through my head. I was spiraling and thinking about how I might lose a friend because of the relationship they are in and I didn't want to accept it. If this were to happen, I have to be okay with it but we had be friends for so long that I am having trouble accepting this change. I really hope things get better and not worse but sometimes you really cant think about it and try to just go with the flow of life. But this led me to my next issue...

This time I am talking about caring so much that is hurts my brain to sleep some nights. I want the people around me to be happy so bad that I forget about my own happiness...

For the first time in a long time, I am having to unlearn a lot of this behavior that was taught to me growing up (oops we are here again).

Having to watch someone in your life make a terrible decision is always so hard to watch. All I want to do is shake them and say, "wake up, you are not okay!" But I can't do that... unfortunately.

Not saying that I make the best decisions myself but again I am putting others before myself. Which if fine sometimes but who looks out for me? Who is making sure I dont make those bad decisions or end up with the wrong person? Oops...

Yes, I am watching yet another friends go through this tough phase in their life and I don't even recognize them...

So I am back to the caring so much it hurts and trying to unlearn this because it is not my life and it is their life.

I struggle to a point of having to pull the trick of, "out of sight, out of mind..." Which is fine for me but how do you help a friend when you aren't physically in the same time zone as them? How do you help someone from a far but also, not overstep...?

I am very verbal person and I struggling with lying or not telling the truth. My friends can always tell if something is up and I appreciate them for that but sometimes the truth hurts and I don't want to hurt them. And I am not saying that everything I have in mind hurts but sometimes the harder conversations are better left unsaid, I guess.

I would rather keep a friend than lose one but I wish they could see for themselves.

Growing up I saw a lot of great relationships and a few terrible relationships. Keep in mind, these relationships I was seeing was at a young age so this definitely helped me figure out what I wanted in a relationship at a young age. On top of that the few relationships I was in when I grew up in my teen years, were mostly not good. So I would say that I have experience with knowing when someone is being fishy or not too invested because, man did I go through that.

The boys that were emotionally unavailable, man I had those. The boys that were with me one night and then with someone else the next... boy did I have those. I am not saying I am proud of these things but I definitely learned a lot about what is right and what is wrong. I definitely learned about what I want and what I do not want.

The sad part is that everyone goes through these things at different times and we can't control that. All I want to do is help and I can't really. Sure, I can be there for support or a shoulder to cry on but not too many opinions are allowed to be voiced unfortunately...

It comes down to wanting your friend to know their worth and hoping they want better for themselves...

To all the friends that have made it this far, click that little heart and tell me if you can relate.

please and thank you...

-concerned friend