It's Been A Bit

I have been trying to write for months now. I haven't had the creative juices flowing. It's frustrating because writing is my number one passion. I have been told I am creative and a good writer. The Imposter Syndrome is real with writing for me. I always feel like no one will like my writing. But I don't want to write for everyone else anymore. I want to write for myself. If you want to read it, that's great. So I am going to write more. With school coming up and life being hectic, I am going to aim to write once a week. I would eventually like to get a second job writing. But to do that, I need to build up my portfolio. I am going to pick a new topic to write about each week and be transparent if I can't write in a week. Right now, school is the most important thing for me. I desperately need to get out of mental health. It's just been .. a lot. While I will be working in mental health in the future, I think I need the break right now. Have you looked at the job market recently? It's... sad. I have worked at my job for 4 years (in July) and I qualify for NOTHING. So back to school I go.

Starting over is scary. At least this time I have some supportive people on my side. I am starting at a new school and I have the potenial to get laid off in September. I am trying not to stress. It will all work out how it's supposed to. Which is something when you have OCD and anxiety. But ya know what.. stressing has never been helpful. I have a plan to work on my finances so it won't be a huge hit if/when I get laid off and if I can't find a job right away. Just trying to see the good in every situation. And a new school will be beneficial. It is a program that is self paced so I can do it as fast or slow as I need. Plus, it's a degree that can go directly into a career. Then I can work on my Master's for the job I really want. I think it will all work out how it needs to.

I really am enjoying life. I have a great partner, great dogs, we are getting a new house that is awesome, I have great friends.. it all seems to be working out well. My physical health has been pretty tough. But I am slowly figuring it out and getting the help I need. I do have some cool stuff ot look forward to. My meds are working. It just feels like there is finally a bright side. I am still chronically depressed but I think that is my physical health making me feel low. It's a slow process getting help but I am proud of myself for doing it.

If you have read this far, thank you. I just needed to get my thoughts out on paper. I wanted to write and get my thoughts out. Writing helps me feel more free. I love being able to write about things I enjoy and just yap. I am happy I have the space to do that here. I think it will all be okay in the end. Just have to keep focusing and working hard and it will all work out how it's supposed to. I think I can lean on my partner and friends to help me get through it all. If you're reading this, I know you will make it, too. We can do this together.