Info dumping

As kids I think a lot of us go out of our way to impress people we like. Like I mean really just do the most unnecessary things that we would've thought would work, but then get the most blank response either way. It may be discouraging, but for me I think it was a start of enjoying the simple satisfactions.

When I was maybe around 4th grade, there was this really nice boy I knew. And for me that is a rare occurrence since I am not a very pleasant person to be around, and I would usually attract people like me. Though he was a super patient kid who was also very kind and funny. Basically, he became one of my favorite people and maybe one of the first people I feel safe with.

It started in the classroom, when the teacher played a video on pandas, I do not quite remember what the video was exactly about, I would expect it was just some documentary. But since then, the boy did not let me forget about them. He expressed so much interest in them. He adored them and constantly fan girled over how cute he thought they were. He would go into detail about how majestic they seemed to him. I personally didn't understand why they would be so endearing. I mean I didn't have much interest in cutesy stuff and to me that's all-what pandas seemed to be. But seeing how into pandas he was made me feel some sort of glee.

I was really into reading, so I went to the school's library a lot. One of my favorite hobbies was learning, specifically independently though. I was very cocky and believed I never needed a teacher to guide me in learning because picking up a book and doing it myself seemed so much faster. I was also one to never enjoy working or cooperating with others, since my belief was that I can never gain anything new from others. I later found out that this was not true.

I remembered seeing a book on pandas in the animal section and because pandas were being shoved into my head a bunch, I thought why not read on it. While reading I found some basic facts over them, but also some strange ones that I found amusing. I was excited to share this information with the boy, I thought it would make him like me more somehow.

And when I did, the boy seemed very awed at the new information and proceeded to discuss it with me.

This is something I am very proud of, it felt so validating having him fond over those facts with me. I never before felt so connected to someone. It sounds ridiculous but it really meant a lot to me to feel I was doing something good for someone, but to also feel heard. I picked up some more books on pandas and I tried to gain as much information as I could so that I can once again share it with him and build a stronger mutual bond over sharing facts.

Since then, I have gained this habit of oversharing things I learn to others. And they would be the most random things too, usually about animals. Most of the time people didn't really show the same reaction as he did, but it is fine because I still find more motivation in learning because I know there are some people who do appreciate it. And there has been a lot of people in my life now who show this. Some really close people have admitted to me that they shared the things I have told them to others. I get such great satisfaction in this, not in a cocky way but in a way where I know that my studying was worth something, and in some cases the information I have shared with them was potentially useful.

My confession I guess is that what started as a way to try to make someone closer to me in elementary, lead to a lifetime of content for me. It is such a simple thing too, even if nobody else reacted, just sharing it and not keeping to myself feels way better.