I'VE GOT THE HEEBIE-JEEBIES

Are familiar with the heebie-jeebies?

If you’re not familiar, I’m going to try to explain.

They feel like all your nerves have been splashed with the juice of 100 Carolina Reaper chili peppers.

It’s not like your fight or flight mechanism. It’s a little bit different than that.

The heebie-jeebies are hard to describe because it kind of hurts and feels really good at the same time. They seems to have no direction or purpose. (It’s subconscious)

It’s not as though your nerves are physically excited, but, to a much greater extent, it definitely feels like all of your mental nerves are extremely excited. They are excited over nothing. It feels like you’re ready to do something important, but you have no idea what it is.

It’s not like when you’re hungry and you can just eat something.

It’s not like you feel cold and you could just turn on the furnace. It’s different than that. The heebie-jeebies don’t really ask you for anything. They don’t prepare you for anything. Nobody knows why the heebie-jeebies even exist.

I have a hunch of what might cause the heebie-jeebies. This is going to be a little bit hard to explain but I’ll do the best I can.

I’m sorry but I’m going to have to kinda start at the beginning.

The beginning is this — (Parden the circuituous route)

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I am having such difficulty just trying to make a friend. It’s not easy.

I know how to make enemies. But there is something about offering friendship seems to make some people angry or frightened. Perhaps they feel that I must have an evil agenda.

Sometimes I feel that I must be the worst person in the world because somebody I love very much just said that they were sorry they ever met me. And now

this friend that I’ve had for a year just cut me off. She’s not talking to me anymore and she’s given up on me being her friend.

They say all is fair in love and war. That sentiment applies to friendship even more so.

I’m sure she knows why , but I have no idea what I’ve done or what I said. I don’t think I did anything wrong. Maybe It’s just that the friendship ran it’s course, and I just cannot let go. I don’t know .

All I know is that I feel a loving friendship and now she won’t speak to me anymore and that feeling is torture inside of me. How can I not ask WTF.

So now, do you want to know what I do to make an enemy. I love them. That’s right, I say things that a person needs to hear.

Maybe things nobody has ever said to them in their life. I devote as much time as possible to my future enemy. Perhaps I shouldn’t,

but I write to that person often. I share my life and my music and ask for the same in return. Sometimes I might even have emotional feelings

for my frenemy. I might as well bring out that word. You knew it was coming.

I may fall in love a little bit. What’s the harm in loving somebody? Let me answer that for you. We are still friends, but to some, that is a threat.

Friendship and/or love are very powerful things.

Things capable of doing great harm. Some people get too close to the fire, so like a frightened little animal, they just run away, — afraid to live their life.

Perhaps love causes the unsettling of nerves, and perhaps love is the question as well as the answer to all of life’s puzzling conundrums. I’ve fallen in love several times. I should have answers by now, but I still don’t.

Each love affair was not that at all. The word affair makes it seem cheap and tawdry. So often, I felt the intensity of my passion and I called it love.

Who knows what love is really.

If I feel like I love you and we make love to see where this is going, more often than not, I will fall in love with you even more.

And then the hammer drops. Something ruins everything right in the beginning. It’s very sobering to feel the intensity of passion and the possibility of a love blooming,

only to have her child running in the room the following morning.

Your 1st thought is — I can’t be a father. I just can’t do that again.

But you feel the intensity of that love so now you’re forced to make a decision that’s impossible to make.

And then the heebie-jeebies are born.

It’s a very intense state of confusion.

Maybe the heebie-jeebies is a kind of fear. A fear of facing a major decision in life that is being thrown your way.

It’s not exactly that you’re unable to make a decision, It’s not like that at all.

It’s realizing that life is constantly showing you things that require a decision. Some decisions are for your entire life. It’s frightening.

Words flew out of my mouth. I don’t know what I said because I was letting my heart do all the talking. You walked in the room and my whole life changed.

I became somebody different and I think you did too. We drew to each other like magnets. Our passion was life-changing. I will never forget you as long as I live. Friendship went out the window and love walked in the door.

But, I can’t be a father again, it’s just too painful considering my history. I know I love you but we can never have a life together. We can’t even be friends. The passion I feel, would never allow that. It has to be all or nothing at all.

If only you could read my mind and if only our stars had crossed at a different time.

Feeling about you the way I do, I could only be your distant past lover. Just a beautiful memory that I’ll never forget.

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Life is forced me into making impossible decisions. Who knows which way to go. You have to follow your heart.

I think these painful experiences are normally locked away, because they are too painful to deal with. If I had to deal every day with the thought that I threw away a wonderful woman simply because she had a child that was not mine, that would be difficult to live with. So I don’t think of it. I repress it. Now it surfaces as the heebie-jeebies. It’s a reminder to be cautious.

At certain times, I’m reminded of that painful memory, and a decision that took me down a different path. It comes to me not as a memory, but as a feeling that I call the heebie-jeebies. Maybe the heebie-jeebies are a reminder that as we enter a new relationship whether it be friendship or love, that we might get hurt. And what if we hurt an innocent, what than?

I think that’s it, because the creepy feeling inside of me just told me that I was spot on. But I’m not giving up, nor am going to hold back.

Will you please be my friend? I will be brave even though I’m just a child inside. Maybe you can help me, once and for all, get over my stupid

Heebie Jeebies.