I'm Not a Strong Black Woman, I'm Weak

The word “weak” and “black woman” don’t go together, in the eyes of the masses anyway. It’s paradoxical, an oxymoron, almost criminal. As black women we are supposed to stand strong, right fists up, battling through the trenches and stepping up victorious without shedding a tear. Cook, clean, raise kids, fight racism, work, study, and keep our edges in check, make sure our black don’t crack, and stay looking 22 forever because that melanin is so strong. We are tired!

The strong black woman tag is a dangerous one. As a black woman, I feel this immense pressure to act like I’m OK when I’m not OK. To wear several hats and do it with a smile because I’m a black woman and we are built that way. Strong and fearless and we can do it all right? Wrong! There is no shame in asking for help, there is no shame in admitting that things are not OK. These days, I scream it from the rooftops, I’m a weakling! I’m not strong! Yes, I do need help!

Don’t get me wrong, battling through tough times and pulling through triumphant like a phoenix rising from the Ashes is admirable, but feeling obliged to pretend like everything is ok for the sake of keeping up the pretense of being a strong black woman is perilous. Mental health, errr hello!!!

Quick story, when I was pregnant with my son, my son’s father would constantly tell me that as a strong black woman, I should be able to handle doing all the shopping for our unborn child. I should be able to paint his room and fix his baby cot and do all those things because I’m a “strong black woman.” That ridiculous label left me starving for days when I was in college until I got paid because I was scared to show my vulnerability. I didn’t want the mask to slip.

I have no issue with black women working hard to get degrees, achieve goals and become the best versions of themselves. That's me in a nutshell, what I do have an issue with is black women being treated like punching bags because we are supposed to be strong. In my experience, you act like a strong black woman and a weak man will come along and try to ruin your life. Oh! She can take it, she is a strong black woman.

I moved to Ghana from the UK a few years ago. Out here, women are not allowed to show weakness. Pregnant women carry firewood on their heads, carry children on their backs, and huge buckets with items for sale. They are applauded for their strength but scolded for their weakness. Many times I have shown signs of weakness by crying or asking for advice or help, I’m quickly told to toughen up and stop being weak. Depression who? Anxiety who, what, where?

I’m a black woman but I’m human. I’m not a machine, I have feelings, I bleed, I cry, I feel emotion, pain, and sadness. I am also focused, intelligent and ambitious but it does not mean that I need to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and do it with a smile.

I'm tired of smiling through the pain, I'm fed up of being everything, to everyone. I'm done with pretending as if everything is ok, when I'm really screaming inside. I want to scream and shout from the rooftops because honestly being "strong" all the time is exhausting. I'm done.

I’m tired of being the strong black woman. From now on, I’m weak.