I'm Done Apologising for My Slow Processing...

I have struggled with a learning disability and slow processing speed since First school. Slow processing speed is exactly what it sounds like — the brain takes in and responds to stimulate and other information much slower than “normal.” I vividly remember always taking longer than everyone else to do basic things like complete a short worksheet, do my part of an in-class group work assignment, and take a test. Although I may work at a “slower” pace than my peers, the pace I work at allows me to access my work and complete it to the best of my ability.

Unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way. The education system tends to view someone who is “slow” as a burden and an “inconvenience” to the class. This view has been strictly enforced throughout my education over the past 16 years mainly by my peers and teachers constantly telling me to hurry up or something to make me feel guilty and apologize for being slow. I used to apologize over a million times a day for it, but not anymore. I’m done apologizing for the “inconvenience” of slow processing and I’m not sorry.

To my teachers, I’m not sorry for trying my best to learn just like my peers. I’m not sorry for “slowing down” and “holding back” the class. I’m not sorry for “taking too long” to give you an answer. I’m not sorry that you can’t be patient with bright, capable students like me.

To my peers, I’m not sorry for “not being good or fast enough.” I’m not sorry for taking a class that “isn’t for people like me.” I’m not sorry for refusing to conform to your outrageous mould that I clearly don’t fit into nor want to. I’m also not sorry for “ruining your grade.”

I’m not sorry for attending a college that I’m “clearly not capable of attending.” I’m not sorry for my “inability” to do “simple math.” I’m not sorry that I’m not answering your question right away. Yes, I’m also not sorry for not caring one bit. I am who I am and I refuse to apologize for being me and for a condition I have no control over.

My advice to anyone who is struggling with the pressure and expectation of apologizing for slow processing speed is to embrace the strengths it gives you as well as the difference it makes. For me, slow processing speed gives me the ability to savour a moment, make rich connections to ideas and have a solidified understanding of the theories of the world and how it works. Slow processing has also given me confidence as a learner since it constantly keeps me within the learning style that works best for me

There is also a major difference in my overall performance when my processing speed is accommodated versus when I’m under the timer. The difference is whether I succeed or fail, and I choose to succeed just like everyone else does despite my difference within learning, I have also learned that the haters will eventually slow down and understand, even if they seem reluctant at first they will eventually begin to understand you, and that's what you want understanding and acceptance.

i am not sorry for all the times i've failed as a student, as a daughter, as a sister, as a granddaughter, as a niece, as a partner as its made me who i am today. it's made me a better person.

i am not Sorry for the inconvenience, and you will never change my mind or the way my mind works and learns. it may take me a little longer to process it but if i still manage to get to where you are, then that's all that matters.