I Love You Both

How do you tell someone you love them? Do you just blurt it out for everyone around to hear? Do you say it so quietly no one can hear you or hear your voice tremble with so much emotion it almost hurts to get those three little words out? How do you tell someone who has another that you love them both? That is my problem, I've fallen for a couple, and I think they may love me too? They tell me all the time that they love me, individually and as a unit. But I don't really know what to do with that information besides to tell them I love them back. I do love them back both platonically, and romantically. They make me feel so special and important in ways that no one else really does or has before.

Do I really want to possibly ruin one of the purest friendships I have because they're so nice, and it feels so good? Every "I love you" and "I miss you" makes me feel like I have wings and like I can soar through the sky. But is it because I don't really know what love is supposed to feel like, and I'm just going through what it feels like to be close to people without a romantic connection? Am I selfish for wanting two people who are already together? Am I just imagining they want to be close to me? Is it to further some hidden agenda like some people believe? Would a drunken confession be enough to get through to them about how I feel? Am I really selfish to want to be held by them both? To be able to hold their hands in mine, or kiss their cheek when they're being funny or cute?

Would I be able to keep going if it goes bad? Would I be a homewrecker? They are so in love with each other, would there even be room for me? Why are these feelings so strong? It's not lust, not in the traditional sense at least, and I'm not jealous either. I don't want sex from them, I just want to love and be loved by them. I wish they loved my friends like I do, but other than that I can't complain about them. They are hard working, loyal to me, and they make me happy, they make me smile when I feel like I have no reason to, and to feel so included is the best. And I have a feeling I know the answers to all of these questions. I have to leave them be and not mess this up. I feel selfish, like a homewrecker, and undeserving of their kindness, and their love. And that's just something I'll have to live with.

This is harder than I thought to try and get out, I always knew I'd be in a nontraditional relationship, but I'm not sure if it's going to be like an open relationship, or a poly relationship. It stresses me out to no end some days, and the other days I feel like I'm going to be alone forever and just be alone. My best friend said she'd marry me for the benefits if we both were single by the time she's 30, and I agreed. So at least I have that going for me, even though we are not attracted to each other like that. That relationship will be my open one. But I feel like I have so much love to give that I will fall in love with more than one person at a time. To me it clearly seems possible, but I guess we'll see, the future is unknown, but I feel like mine has a lot in store for me, maybe I will tell them, maybe I won't, but one thing for sure is that we are special to each other in some way or another, and we do love each other. To me, that's all that matters in the end.