I have been Hiding My Feelings For Years

Hey everyone,

I’m in a bit of a tough situation and would really appreciate some advice from anyone who’s been through something similar.

I’m 27M, and I’ve been in a committed relationship with my partner, a 25F, for the past 4 years. For the most part, things have been great between us. We’ve had our ups and downs like any couple, but overall, we’re in a good place.

I love her deeply and we’ve built a life together. She’s my person, my best friend, and I feel lucky to have her by my side.

But here’s where I’m struggling—I still have unresolved feelings for my ex. My ex is someone I dated before I met my current partner.

It’s been a while since we broke up, and logically, I know that my ex is in the past, and that we ended for a reason. But sometimes, I can’t help but feel nostalgic.

I think about them every so often, and when I do, I feel conflicted. These feelings, as much as I try to ignore them, resurface. They linger in the back of my mind, and I can’t shake them off completely.

The weird part is that I love my partner so much, and yet, this “past connection” feels like it’s in the way of fully committing myself to our present. I feel disconnected from my partner because of it, and that makes me feel guilty.

I want to be fully there for her, emotionally and mentally, but I find myself struggling with these past feelings I can't quite let go of.

I know I have to address this internally before it starts affecting our relationship more. It’s unfair to her, and it’s also unfair to myself to continue carrying around this emotional baggage without dealing with it.

I don’t want to hurt my partner in any way, nor do I want to be dishonest with her. But I also don’t know how to approach this without causing unnecessary confusion or harm.

I’m torn because part of me feels like I’m betraying my partner by even considering the feelings I have for my ex. At the same time, part of me feels that if I don’t face these emotions head-on, they will continue to affect my connection with my partner.

So my question is: how can I move forward with this and work through these unresolved feelings for my ex without causing any harm or confusion in my current relationship? How do I stay true to my partner, be honest with myself, and respect the bond we have while figuring out how to let go of these lingering feelings?

I want to do the right thing for both myself and my partner, and I’m looking for any advice or experiences from people who have been in a similar position.

What steps did you take to address your lingering feelings for an ex while being in a serious relationship? How did you handle those emotions respectfully without hurting your current partner?

I’m not looking for easy answers, just real, thoughtful advice. I know relationships aren’t perfect, and nobody has it all figured out.

But I want to be fair to my partner, I want to be fair to myself, and I really want to make sure I handle this in the best way possible.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and I’d really appreciate any advice or perspectives you can offer.