I Hate Theme Parks

Allow me to rant really quick.

I think that I hate theme parks. Seriously. It's something that I am recently discovering about myself. Some parts of them are fun no doubt but ultimately, too much of them suck.

So how did I come to this revelation, this unthethering epiphany? That's a simple question with a simpler answer: I went to one recently. And it sucked.

I'm sure that it's no secret what the main purpose of most theme parks is. No, it's not to provide an endless amount of fun for all visitors and families. Nice guess though, idiot. All theme parks are nowadays are giant, succulent cash melons that generate near-incomprehensible revenue for their respective parenting companies. They feed on their diverse range of guests and try their best to nickle-and-dime every man, woman, and child that falls into their clutches.

That brings me to one of the reasons that led to my newfound despite for these "wonderlands of fun". Allow me to elaborate.

Near the beginning of the month of me writing this, so about two weeks ago, I took a trip to Los Angeles, California. It was a family vacation and while over there, we had spent an entire day at Disneyland. I enjoyed the time that I spent with my folks and all . . . but I imagine that I would've had as much of a blast (if not more) at our AirBnB.

My first gripe is the expense of everything. I know that complaining about spending money at a theme park is like complaining about barking at a dog park but still. Not only did we have to spend around $80 per ticket just to get in (which is honestly cheap by today's standards) but we also had to pay a fee for parking of course. And you can bet that literally every monetize-able item in the park is going to be inflated when it comes to price.

Despite me bringing in two bottles of water, I still ended up spending five dollars for another one.

Why was I drinking so much water? Because it was hotter than a running oven inside a burning house. Which brings me to my next complaint: the heat.

Why is it always so hot? Why do most theme parks only open up during the summer? This is a rhetorical question. I know exactly why. The summer is the season of vacations. It's the time of year people are out and looking for things to do. So they go flocking to these attractions like moths to a light. It's the big money-making season for the owning corporations.

But it's somewhat insane to me how these parks are designed to keep you out in the open climate, despite how hot is. It's almost like they'll do whatever it takes to drive you towards their overpriced water and other cold refreshments. But what do I know?

Not only are you made to traverse the park in such inclement weather, but at times—many times—you will find yourself just standing in it (only standing) as you wait in line for some ride. How long is the line? Who knows? Rest assured that it's between thirty minutes to a few hours. So I hope that you have your $8 bottle of water. Yeah, I know it was $5 before but you're on a different side of the park now with even higher prices. Sucks to suck.

I'm going to end this little diatribe of mines here. In conclusion, I don't enjoy theme parks as much as I used to. Make no mistake, roller coasters and other contraptions that can propel the human body at unnatural speeds are still pretty cool. But theme parks suck.

The craziest part of this all is that I'm still probably (definitely) going to go to them. Because the kid in me will do whatever it takes to get back to the periods in life of pure innocence and fun where our biggest concerns were playing cool games and eating tasty foods.