I found lower than low...

... I saw her in the park just through the forest at the edge of my new property. My family had moved us into a new home, miles from our own, onto 2 and half acres of land that had quite a big garage. Teenage me was doing recon. "Nice shed. My parents will never use it, it could be a fun hang out spot… for the friends I don't have yet... " I started walking out of the forest that was half of my yard, put roller blades on and skated towards a small group of other teenage girls in the park.

I knew one was going to be a problem immediately. Melissa Stone. She was quite overly friendly. Almost fake. Her eyes scanned up and down my body as if to judge or size me up. Now, as I share my sins, you'll read a litany of hers. In the end revenge was mine. It was cold, dark, and quite desolate. And she never knew that I was responsible, until I found her at her most vulnerable moment.

Now I love people. Particularly decent people who care, and are pleasant towards others. I keep away from conflict and negativity as much as I can. But if someone has taken it upon themselves to target me, get in my business, lie about me or to me, and spread rumors that flips a switch in me, that releases a Kraken.

I'm getting ahead of myself. My first day of school she had spread several rumors all over that I was crazy, and to amp her up I may have told her some fairy tales too. So we laughed at her whenever I was confronted by the rumors. She had taken me under her twisted wings to a close group of 8 nice girls. These would be my closest friends for a long time.

Melissa had a desire to snatch up anyone I was dating too. The lies and rumors continued and she kept her fake smile on and kept me close to her like we were true friends…

It made me sick.

At this point I'd like to confess I was a bit mercurial and vindictive in my teens. I CRAVED the justice I was robbed of so many times. I began a dark, long road of creative revenge that went too far a few times. And I'm not proud of my medium.

Shortly after I started the new school and dealt with the isolation and backlash from the rest who believed her or were condescending to me for my lack of parental wealth. So I broke out a pen, and a sheet of paper. I had 3 girls on board with my plan, just as excited to see it executed and sweet street Justice served. The joints in my fingers are very loose. I have no handwriting pattern or style. The girls had collected notes they had from Melissa and an obese loner named Pearl. I can copy anyone's handwriting.

I studied every note, every loop and scribble. I put my pen to paper and began with Melissa's bubbly, oddly perfect writing.

"Pearl, no one can know we kissed. My parents will disown me and the whole school will single us out. I'm not mad at you, I liked it. I just don't want us to get caught."

I was ready for the reply. I paused, contemplating a response that would validate a lesbian relationship. In 1993 most people my age were flat out ignorant to the LGBTQ community. I was going to capitalize on that… her life would be hell. My sweet uncles stories had prepared me for it.

"Melissa, I won't tell anyone if you don't. I promise. I know you liked last night. Are you too nervous to do more with me?"

"GOOD ENOUGH!" I threw my hands in the air. I had copied their handwriting flawlessly and my girls were folding the completed letter in Melissa's typical origami note folding style. "The football table. Drop it in front of there." I smiled wickedly.

It didn't take long for someone to scoop it off the cafeteria floor. Oh Mike Carten, the nastiest bully I've ever met. The worst person to possibly read this out loud to the table while they all howled and laughed. The football team, cheerleaders, 'yuppies'.. the popular kids. The entire cafeteria came alive with laughter and shouting. Melissa and Pearl ran out.

Melissa and Pearl spent the entire day in the principal's office. Hilariously, several students that were always clear that they didn't like the two, were called up to the office and interrogated. I was never called. Neither were in school for a solid 2 weeks after. When she came back, her bubbly outgoing demeanor had changed, and everyone was spreading rumors about her. Melissa no longer ate in the cafeteria and Pearl who never got along with anyone, simply never returned. Homeschooled.

She had defended herself against that letter for 3 years. Then she slept with my boyfriend. Dated every single ex I had. So I had her assigned to me as my timer for track. Which I vehemently hated. She had a huge workload and a serious class after. I never did 4 laps under 58:54. Dodge ball was my favorite "I'm so sorry Melissa, did I make your nose bleed again?

This had just become typical, daily terrenny of mine, nothing that felt satisfying or ever put her in her place. SO one day all our friends put together a going away party for me. I was moving far away and was low key planning on cutting ties with everyone and focusing on work and a career. We had a large campfire in a friend's yard. Most of my friends had no sense of loyalty, they pulled so many stunts that lost my respect, and I had people around me that couldn't get my name out of their mouth. It was time to move on. I was parked on a log next to the campfire with a few others. Then who do I see coming out of the darkness, claiming a seat next to me by the fire? Melissa!!

"Oh Carlotta I'm so glad I found you! I took 6 white blotters of acid and I'm in trouble." In my mind I'm jumping jax at this point. I can always pull anyone out of a bad psychological situation. I was the LSD nurse for my friends. Always turning it around. I flash back to the day she told a tough chick with a LOT to prove I called her names and almost got majorly assaulted.

"Melissa, I'm glad you're here too. It's my last day out here, and I feel like there's a lot of things that happened to you. I want you to know about them before I leave."

"What do you mean?" She grasps the blanket she's wearing everywhere she goes, even within inches of the campfire.

"Melissa we've been friends for a long time…" "Yes we have!" She interrupts.

"But have we?" I ask slowly, and in the most mysterious voice I could muster.

"Yes of course we have. What are you talking about?"

"Melissa, remember that letter someone wrote between you and Pearl?"

"YES! I hate Sandra, I know it was her!" Sandra was that one girl no one could take down and Sandra knew it.

I light a cigarette as if to take in the moment.

"Actually that was me. All me." Her head whips to the side. "What?!?" I start laughing. "I had letters both of you wrote. I studied and copied your styles. I can forge anyone's handwriting. The total social decimation was a lesson on the rumors you're always spreading. Bet that felt terrible. "

I look over to Melissa whose eyes are wide open but her body is frozen still. She is beginning to feel the frustration of being violently angry at someone she can't take down yet again. "Is there more??"

"Quite." I say, trying to intensify the mood. "I slept with Mark after you stole him from me. The entire time you were together. He was mine and you invited yourself in so I did you the same. For the entire relationship."

Melissa jumps up "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!" She puts her hands over mouth.

"When you tried to get me attacked by Julia I told her it was really you talking about her because you always do, and I never talk about people. That's why she fell out of the sky and beat you up last month."

"Omg Carlotta is there anymore???" She stands, dropping her support blanket.

"Sit down. You sent someone to beat me up and they came back to you. That was instant karma. Now, yes the dodge balls were on purpose, yes I lay down and nap in track to screw up your day. In fact, I've been secretly unthreading the world you're trying to build for yourself all along. "

By this time I can literally feel waves of anxiety coming off her. A few of our friends walk up, and I am laughing hysterically. "Are… are you evil??" she asks, slowly.

"Naw, I'm the nicest person you'll ever know till you cross me. Even then I tolerate much more than I should and I eventually snap and seek blood so, you had this coming. You earned it." I'm not done.

"Melissa, remember when someone anonymously called your parents when you were at that party and they grounded you for a month? Yeah… that was me too."

"Oh my God you guys I think Carlotta is the Devil. I had no idea! I wanna go home!" And that's what happened. She began a worse acid trip contemplating having a secret enemy wrecking her social life like a ninja. Never getting caught. I would hope inward exploration of how she treats others commenced at some point here. But I doubt it. She was reeling and shaking.

In retrospect, I couldn't have been lower. What I did didn't make two wrongs right,it was just pure and dark, delicious revenge. I enjoyed watching her go through what I went through because she did it to me. Granted she got bullied and teased way worse. It took years to evolve to the point I regret my actions and would never want to be in that situation or put anyone else in that situation. It's also made me respect the struggles of our LGBTQ people. We were a crowded, close minded school. The fear of coming out was very real and no one should experience what they did for being lesbians, even if it wasn't true.

I stand up to stretch my back and get another drink. Melissa is crying and leaning on MY boyfriend now, repeating "how could I not know? Why me?"

He's rolling his eyes "Ssshhhh don't say 'why me?' Don't let her hear that. You'll start a tangent. You both screwed with each other, you even started it, but Carlotta makes it an art. She likes to finish it." I'll never forget that night. She claims it was the worst incident of her life. Worse than what I actually did to her, was me revealing my wicked part in her every nightmare while she was paranoid, and in a bad state of mind, with me cackling madly just next to her.

So… Now that I'm all grown up I never say a bad thing about anyone else (that isn't currently earning it.) I don't gossip, I don't look for trouble. I can look back and see how awful this was on my part, but she still takes no responsibility for hers. When I cross these shallow, back stabbing people I avoid them.

So now that you have heard my confession … Dear Reader… am I evil?