I Deserve Better
Anthony’s Journal
Recently, I had someone tell me that they thought I was in a relationship with someone. When I let them know that I wasn’t, they were shocked by it. Anytime anyone asks me this, they assume that since some people find me attractive that I am automatically supposed to be in a committed relationship. Then I often get asked why I am not making love my main priority.
Valentine’s Day had just passed, and I was curious to what someone had gotten for it. They shared with me the gift they’d received, and asked me what I got for it, I told them nothing, then they asked if I even had a significant other, and I wanted to simply say no, but my facial expression said, “Hell no.” When they asked why, I could not simply put everything I wanted to say, into a single response.
As far as my feelings towards relationships, I would love nothing more to be in one, but I honestly have not ever come across anyone I see me committing to long-term. Quite frankly, I deserve a lot better than what has been offered to me. I deserve better than anyone that has ever expressed any interest in me .
Trying to find love has not yielded me the best results thus far. When I say deserve better, I don’t only mean looks, character goes a long way too, honesty, and being trustworthy are also important factors. I honestly have yet to give my time to anyone that meets more than one of my standards.
It’s as if what I’m searching for is non-existent. I feel like when I have tried to give my time and attention, it was usually a wasted effort. I understand rejection happens, and people lose interest all of the time, but instead of being rejected directly, I often have to deal with fluctuating behavior. One minute they’re interested, and seemingly out of nowhere, I’m being treated like scum. As someone who overthinks, this type of energy confuses me, and most of the time leads to me resenting them for it.
While I usually don’t harbor those ill feelings towards them for a long period, my interest does eventually fade, and almost never comes back. I take the loss as it is, because we weren’t ever in a fully committed relationship, this just tells me that we will never be more than what we are, and I can accept that.
Maybe this is all karma for how immature I was in previous relationships. I wasn’t always the most affectionate, and I didn’t deal with conflict well, and I would lash out when I didn’t get the attention I wanted, so I understand to an extent. I didn’t do the work I needed to do at the time, and I honestly couldn’t give love to anyone, when I didn’t love myself properly. I can admit most of my past relationships failed because of me.
Speaking of the past, I have always tried to maintain somewhat of a cordial relationship with most of my former connections, but it truly irks me when I still get contacted looking to rekindle an old spark, that I have no interest in entertaining. I understand someone may feel a certain way, but that feeling isn’t reciprocated at all. Me still being single without kids, doesn’t mean I sat waiting for your marriage to fail, while you brought children into the world.
Holding on to the past was not something I ever practiced; you can’t move forward if you’re constantly looking back. I don’t see a future with anyone from my past. It’s not flattering to me, when I still get messages about how they have been trying to get a hold of me for years. In the age of social media, if you can’t get in contact with someone, they don’t want you to. I’m not sure how this is a hard concept to understand. I don’t even entertain these messages anymore; I have no interest in connecting on any level.
As you can tell, I have lots of reservations about being committed to anyone. I just deserve more. I deserve more than to be treated unworthy. I deserve more than to have to play second fiddle to anyone. I deserve to feel appreciated. I deserve more than to have to settle for someone I don’t find attractive. I deserve more than to be the object of someone’s lust. I deserve more, and until I find what I deserve in a partner, I will gladly stay single and continue to make improvements on myself. I’m happier than I would be in an unhealthy relationship, which is all that’s been offered to me, and I deserve better than that.
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Comments (23)
Nice
I love this, infact is my turn around gift for reading this, have been so depressed lately but your write up gave me hope that "I DESERVE BETTER" let me share my depression story, love is a beautiful things when you get married to your better half, have been in my marriage for 7yrs with no child all medical check up proofs no issues with us, lately my spouse begins to behave strangely taking his phone to the bathroom, coming home late and other stuffs, i got confused and suspected he might be cheating on me, I keep guessing until i got a help from a tech guy online which i instantly mail on his gmail, nineplanethacker helps me to hack his phone, i got access to his phone and saw a lot of evidence that leads to our divorce, i thought that's all but after the divorce i feel I did too much, why not forgiven him, why did you have to hack his phone, series of questions and i begin to feel guilty for my actions, this write up let's me realize my through self and right now the depression has disappeared and no blame for all my actions, thanks to the author I DESERVE BETTER 💗
Yes, you do deserve better than that and don't forget it! Great work in telling your story.
I can relate to this. It's frustrating when people assume you're in a relationship just because you're somewhat attractive. I've been there. And finding someone who meets your standards is tough. I've had similar experiences with inconsistent behavior. It's confusing as hell. Do you think it's better to lower our standards a bit or keep holding out for that ideal person? Also, how do you deal with the resentment when it hits? It's hard not to let it linger sometimes.
Loved reading this. I felt like this for the longest time. I was told i have high standards, but in reality, standards are important. Now ive been in a relationship for almost 5 years. You'll find that person to stand on your pedestal with you.
I totally get it Anthony. I am very cautious when it comes to friendship bonds these days due to negative past experiences. It makes it all the better when you find someone you can fully trust. Enjoyed your piece and congratulations on Top Story.
"Great insights! I recently wrote about the Lalmatia GBV case and how it's part of a global crisis. Would love your thoughts on it!"
Great piece! Congrats on making Top Stories March 2025
Yes!!! I relate to what you said so much! Unfortunately I spent way to long clinging onto dead relationships for the sake of not being alone. Because I still carried that core belief that if I couldn't make it work 'again', that meant I was unlovable. Definitely had to work through some deep seeded trauma and childhood abandonment issues. But I finally had the breakthrough I have so desperately needed. This is the first time I'm choosing to be single and put my energy into myself versus seeking false validation elsewhere. I have zero desire to spend my time chatting it up with guys who I know are just saying what they think I wanna hear. And the random "You're so fine, let's kick it." messages just make my skin crawl now. Because I finally realized and accepted that I too, deserve so much better than what I've been allowing in my life. And I am perfectly content being on my own until I find someone who holds my values and understands the importance of reciprocity in a relationship. I don't feel like something is missing in me when I'm alone anymore, and it's super empowering! Loved reading this, new subscriber for sure!
Congrats on Top Story! 🎉, Well deserved and super proud!!!
Very concise. You seem to have a good sense of your own worth and value! Good for you for putting in the work.
Very relatable to me! After a period of jumping into relationships that weren't right for me, I am now hesitant and cautious. Congrats on the top story!
Very well written. Nice job!
Thank you for sharing this vulnerable and genuine story! I feel this! Also, very much deserving of top story!
Very introspective and sharing. Congrats on Top Story. I understand the bleak feeling of considering "relationships" after experience has proven them to be flaky and temporary. Cliche, isn't it? Love is blind. All's fair in love. God is Love. Love conquers all? Let Love Rule? Love is all you need? Oy ve. Love is good, but I have found that Money is better to me. They call me selfish instead of greedy, though both are innacurate. I'm simply a long time lover who has experienced unrequited love more than recipricol, therefore I call humans, deceptive, inhumane, vampiric, and flying monkeys. They abuse the word love for self-insterest. James Redfield tried to write about their vampiric games in "The Celestine Prophecy" and also Eric Berne (shrink type) wrote "Games People Play" in 1964. So so so so typical and cliche. How can romance be a worthy endeavor when people reduce the act or notion to a silly game or a quick fix?
Well written, congrats
Nicer
Love it! Raw, straightforward, and no sugar-coating!
I love that you’ve reached a place where you won’t settle for less than what you deserve. That self-awareness and growth are powerful. Wishing you nothing but peace and fulfillment, whether single or in a relationship that truly meets your standards!
wowowow this is so good and so relatable. I often get told that my standards are too high when it comes to relationships. But why waste my time with someone when I know it isn't going to work out? You spoke to this so well and gave me a good reminder as well: yes, I deserve better than to settle.
Well written, congrats
Great piece, Anthony! It’s okay to acknowledge none of us our perfect, but absolutely none of us should settle for less either. Love the messaging! ♥️
Good for you for not settling.