I Could be Your Hero. Mama, Please?

CONFESSIONS TO YOU MOM

FROM THE ONE YOU LEFT FORLORN……

My dream of the perfect mother daughter relationship, ended

long before we even had a chance to begin it.

He was a master of disguise and he got inside your mind.

It came to no surprise to him

how easy it was to manipulate a kid.

You were only fourteen,

not yet a Queen.

Slowly but surely, he ripped away your mentality,

Piece by piece your nightmares became a reality.

You tried to speak but no one listened.

They would just say “PRAY”

You done this to yourself!

You built your own prison!

I would pray and pray

Every single day

Just sitting by the window

Crying tears into my pillow

I didn’t understand why

To us, your own daughters

You felt the need to lie

“Mama please don’t leave us”

We would bellow.

“I’m sorry babies but I have to go now”

We just walked back to the window.

Watching as you left.

Wondering if the next time we saw you,

Would you be dead?

We were 8,9, and 11.

The day the world we knew, ended.

When we found out a piece of us had died

and went to be in heaven.

But where were you at?

Mom?

What was your excuse?

What?

I can’t hear you!

Oh, yea I almost forgot!

You blamed it on the needle,

Sticking out of your arm!

You were hanging with the devil himself

At least that is what you call him

To me he is a clown!

He thinks he is strong!

But, in reality!

He is weaker than the weakest link!

I do not fear him!

I will face him head on

And say thank you for your cowardly ways!

For you broke a bond,

That could have been strong someday!

Just a mom and her daughter, who, you did separate!

But your day is coming to you

You ugly weak bastard!

You’re going to pay for this disaster!

You thought you were a master,

But look at me.

I am stronger than you could have ever

Imagined to be!

I would pray and pray

Every single day.

Just sitting by the window,

Crying tears into my pillow.

I didn’t understand why,

To us, your own daughters

You felt the need to lie.

“Mama please don’t leave us”

We would bellow.

Then you would whisper, very shallow,

“I’m sorry babies but I have to go now.”

We just walked back to the window.

Watching as you left.

Wondering if the next time we saw you,

Would you be dead?

Here we are now 29,30 and 32.

One is in jail struggling,

The way you did,

you, see?

At only 32, she is hearing the same thing

Everyone telling her she created her own prison!

The other two would be lost without each other.

Because in a life so crazy,

They really need one another!

We didn’t really get it.

Didn’t really understand.

We blamed ourselves but now we see it.

Maybe you did and do love us

In your own way,

Your mind became stuck at the age of 14.

You just needed mental help.

You don't deserve an eternal mental hell!

Don't get confused, I'm not blaming you.

I blame all the horrific abuse.

From all the abuse and the pain.

It was like rain falling on an ant hill,

You just needed to escape!

To get away!

You didn’t even recognize,

How much you were affecting our lives.

It is ok.

I think I understand now,

And I can finally heal from the pain!

I would pray and pray

Every single day.

Just sitting by the window.

Crying tears into my pillow.

I didn’t understand why.

To us, your own daughters

You felt the need to lie.

“Mama please don’t leave us?”

We would bellow.

You would just whisper very shallow,

“I’m sorry babies but I have to go now.”

We just walked back to the window.

Watching as you left,

Wondering if the next time we saw you

Would you be dead?

So, mama, I am here to say

I am sorry you never truly felt loved!

I am sorry for all the abuse you endured!

I am sorry that our bond was broken!

Long before it could have been moulded!

I am sorry for all that you been through!

I am stronger for it. Thank you.

Abuse can alter the brain completely

Something a lot of people don’t get.

You needed help and didn’t receive it.

I still pray,

But no longer sit at the window and wait.

My tears have dried.

No longer do I cry.

But just know,

In my heart,

A special place you will forever hold!

I am sorry mama,

Just know,

No matter how far you go,

into your mind and get lost.

I will be here waiting.

For I will hold your hand if you allow.

Pull you out of your hell now!

I Love you mama!