How to maintain a long-term relationship?

My husband and I have been in love for five years, married for four years and known each other for nearly ten years.

In 17 years, I got married from Jiangxi province to Ningxia. At that time, there were no high-speed trains, trains and planes to reach each other directly. It was just far away, which was not very convenient. But last year, I didn't know whether we had a child or were too busy with each other, which led to the lack of communication and communication between us. As a result, our relationship became not very good.

We quarreled frequently, and every quarrel was painful, which greatly affected my mood and work state. As many book lovers will know, marital conflicts can affect every aspect of life. Frequent quarrels between couples can seriously affect mood, work efficiency and quality of life. It's a pain no one wants to experience.

But when it comes to emotional confusion and frustration, there is no one around to turn to. Very few parents, relatives or friends are happily married. But I'm lucky because I've been reading for years. I'm sure there's a solution to all the problems I've encountered.

This year from last year to read a lot of emotion self-help books, like "intimacy" "eight appointment of love" "the game of love," "happy marriage" and so on, in the process of reading these books, I had a deeper understanding, also have more confidence to our marriage, because from the book, I harvest method, gained more courage and strength. I am a very independent person, which is reflected in the economy, but also in the spirit. I have been married for four years. Although I have been working as a freelancer, I can support myself by reading and writing.

At the same time, I am busy at work, and a busy person, always find things to do, so almost need the other side of the company, in the eyes of my husband, I and "workaholic", so before he often quarrel for my lack of attention to him. Originally, I thought the independence of girls was an advantage and hard work was a justice, but until the outbreak of a lot of contradictions, I realized that two people living together, too independent is not necessarily a good thing, two people still have to have two people. I began to take a hard look at myself and our marriage. I began to realize that although self-development was important, a happy marriage and a happy family were also my pursuit.

As Pope Gottman said, "Our relationships with our partners are the most important of our lives." I began to pay attention to the communication with my husband, and also began to pay attention to his emotional needs. This year, our relationship has improved a lot. So far, we haven't had a big fight. Although there are still some small frictions, we have learned to deal with them in a more gentle and effective way, and we have learned to face up to our fights, and we are not even afraid to face the conflict in our relationship. As the saying goes, neither break nor make progress.

Quarrel itself is not terrible, but the manner in which it is done is important. If both parties can actively communicate after an argument, then the argument is actually a kind of conflict resolution behavior, and every argument is an opportunity to improve mutual understanding. There is no lover who does not quarrel, no husband and wife who does not have conflicts, but the quarrel can be reconciled, even more intimate, that must be because both sides pay attention to communication, strive to understand each other and constantly inject new things into the relationship.