How to be a F*ck*ng Fairy Princess?

When I was 7, my primary school teacher asked us to write in a few sentences who we want to be when we grow up. I came home very excited about the assignment and I told my mum I wanted to be a princess. She told me I couldn’t write such bullshit (she might have used different wording) and I should be more realistic. I should write about becoming a doctor. Since I was only 7 and didn’t know any better I listened to my mum and wrote down exactly what she told me to write. Sentence by sentence. Word by word…crushing my soul. To this day I remember how upset I was. How much I DID NOT want to be a doctor.

Things got only worse when the next day I went to school and my old-time nemesis (a girl with the same name who I thought was much prettier and much cooler than I was) read out loud how when she grows up she was going to be a fairy princess.

A fairy princess? Not just a princess, but a F*ck*ng Fairy Princess?

I wanted to be a F*ck*ng Fairy Princess! Why was she allowed to write that and I wasn’t?

Things didn’t get better when I grew up. In high school, I had a dream of studying abroad, preferably at Oxford University in England. Of course, my small town “friends” found it amusing. On Valentine’s Day, I got a bunch of cards from a “secret admirer” mocking my dreams. I’ll never forget one of them…

“Roses are red

Violets are blue

You’re so stupid

Oxford is waiting for you"

When I was in my senior year my teacher asked all of my classmates where we were going to college. When it was my turn I proudly said I was taking a gap year to travel to the US. She told me I was making a huge mistake.

My whole life my family, especially my older brother, was mocking my dreams from the very beginning. Whether I wanted to be a princess, an actress, a college student, or really anything... It was too big and too naive, of course.

To me, it was hurtful and kinda heartbreaking, that nobody believed in me, but you can't have everything, right? Meanwhile, I hung a huge canvas picture of London above my bed and stared at it all day long. FOR MONTHS! Finally, my parents got the clue and sent me there for a summer camp. But that wasn’t enough. That was only a taste of what I thought was my destiny. And once I tasted it, I was long gone.

I graduated from high school and 3 days later I was on the plane to the US. A year and a half later I moved to London. Ever since I have traveled around the world and there was that one time when I ditched my family on Christmas and went to Bali instead. Then I got secretly married, haven't told anyone for months and finally, I settled in the US. I haven’t been home in 3 years because of the whole COVID situation but not until today have I ever felt like I didn't want to come back.

Today, for unknown reasons my brother blew up on me saying I live in a wonderland, I don’t know what real life is, I vacation in a different state every time and my “golden ideas” are based on working from home ideology while other people have real jobs and real issues.

Real jobs and real issues… oh, I have plenty of those. That's not the point, though. His comments opened up some old wounds. The wounds I completely forgot I had. Suddenly I remembered all the times he laughed at me and made jokes with our dad about my BIG DREAMS. And how it took me years of proving them wrong to finally stop their jokes and laughs and treat me seriously. I was MAD, I almost freaking cried because I felt like his judgment was so unfair. For a moment I felt like a kid again.

Then it hit me… he was right. I do live in a wonderland. I always have and probably always will. The only difference is, when I was a child, I couldn't make it real. And now... I'm not going to lie, I love my life. I'm sorry if it makes anyone uncomfortable but I don't care if your life sucks. You all have been telling me for years that mine would and now I know YOU LIED!

Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I created a fairytale you are not invited to. But guess what? I don’t feel like leaving it. I quite like it here. I dare to say... Welcome to my wonderland! Here I am, a F*ck*ng Fairy Princess.