Drunk Housewife Stereotype

I remember the days when I lived with an American host family and saw my host mum slowly falling deeper and deeper into depression and alcoholism. I remember feeling bad for her but also kind of judging her. She was successful, wealthy, and had a beautiful home in the capital city of the United States of America. I kept on asking myself... When did she get so pathetic? Funny, I felt like I was better.

Today, as I'm pouring some wine into my "bridesmaid" tumbler, a leftover from my wedding, today I understand.

I always say that marriage doesn't change anything. Living together does.

If you think about it, marriage is just a concept. It's confirmed by a piece of paper but it doesn't change anything besides some legal BS. But of course there are social expectations coming with it. You need to live together. You need to open a joint bank account. You don't need to have children now but in 5 years....

Marriage doesn't change anything... but living together does. Suddenly, you are comfortable. And it's nice... don't get me wrong. It's really nice to be fully 100% yourself and still be loved by someone else. With all your quirks and annoying habits you never even realized you had. It's nice... but the times when it was breathtaking and absolutely amazing are gone.

Suddenly you have to get used to this person, who used to be the object of your slight obsession and adoration, being around all the time. Suddenly they are not as fascinating as they used to be. So instead of going out on a date that just a while ago you'd been longing for for days... suddenly you'd rather stay home and chill with your favorite show... ON YOUR OWN.

It's simply impossible to be forever in love. At some point every single crush turns into a real person. I consider that as the most heartbreaking truth I've ever had to learn.

So you start living your life. Going to work, cleaning up the house, doing groceries and occasionally trying to keep up the flame. Then you realize you stopped trying so you make a pact to have a date EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT.

But then you're tired. You get caught up at work or you simply forget...

So this week, when as usual our Friday Night Date didn't work out... I poured a glass of wine to make myself feel better.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not even close to being an alcoholic since sometimes it takes me weeks or even months to finish a bottle of wine. However, this is the second time within the last couple weeks I had a glass or two because I was disappointed with my relationship.

Suddenly, I understood.

You walk into this new beautiful life with so many high hopes and expectations and it turns out... ordinary. You're tired. He works too much. God forbid you have kids to take care of. You cancel one trip then another. Sex is not mind blowing like it used to be.

I get it.

He stops listening. Asks where his dinner is. Why is there no food in the fridge? Why is his favorite t-shirt still in the laundry?

Now I understand.

He apologizes. He's sorry. He will make an effort. He forgets.

I understand.

There's nothing wrong with your relationship but it's just not what you imagined.

I understand.

What happened to that girl? The one that went to Brazil on a whim and traveled through a strange country on a bus? The one who skipped family Christmas dinner to hike volcanoes in Java. The one who almost got arrested in Peru for having sex on the beach and got away leaving the guy behind. What happened to the one who never had to worry or answer to anyone if there was no dinner on the table?

She's right here. Simply disappointed. Sipping on some wine.

Maybe the whole idea of marriage is a scam? Maybe people are not meant to live forever together. Maybe I was right all along...

Nothing went wrong. It's just not magical anymore.

I never thought I'd say it. I thought I was different. That I was better... but now I understand.