How I (almost) ruined my life

Hi everyone, I'm coming here today with an article that I hope will interest you.

I will talk about break-ups and how they can affect you, from a male perspective (the only perspective I have) and I will talk about it from my own experience as I was pretty damn close in ruining my life with my own hands.

I know that most men won't talk about it since we are "supposed" to be these near emotionless machines full of testosterone, and I have to admit, that was my mentality as well for a very long time.

To jump straight into it, it happened about 6 ish years ago. Now that so much time has passed and I'm able to think rationally about it, I realized all the stupid things that I did and by writing about it, I hope to help other people in similar situation.

You should all know that I was in that respective relationship for 3 years, I know that for some of you it doesn't seem that long since you might have had relationships that lasted over 10 years, but for me, that was the longest relationship I had at that time, and the one where I gave my all.

Everything was perfect for the first 2 years and a half, until I decided to quit my job at the time and leave my country and come to London, as my girlfriend at the time was supposed to start her studies here 6 months after I came. Yes, I left first to find a job so that it would be easier for her to focus on her studies. In our time apart, (yes, she did visit), nothing seemed to be wrong. We were having video calls on a almost daily basis, we trusted each other and all that. But all that changed one day. She came to visit and a special occasion for me, not important what was so special about that day, but it is important what happened. We broke up. And here is maybe the most important advice I can give. When you want to break up with someone, no matter if you are a man or woman, please choose the moment wisely.

I know that not all break-ups can be "scheduled" but trying to avoid important/special days it's a huge factor in helping the person "left behind" cope better with the situation.

In my case, the break up went as smooth as break-ups can be. I understood her point of me not being emotionally available all the time, like I said, i grew up with this "men are emotionless machines" mentality and because of that, I didn't know how to express my feelings properly and that made me seem distant. And as she had a period of depression, I understood how my behavior affected her.

Now, on to the life ruining part that I wanted to talk about. After the break up mentioned above, I went down a spiral.

I always enjoyed a drink (or ten), I did enjoy the occasional high that drugs give you. I was never a saint. And it all got worse because of it. I started drinking before going to work in the morning, I was drinking as soon as I left work in the afternoon, I was even drinking until late in the night. Heck, I even started drinking on the job. All that combined with the drug abuse that I did, turned around to bite me in the ass. I got caught drinking at work, (yes, I left my alcohol in the fridge at work overnight) and that cost me my job.

I went back home for a holiday thinking that I'll find a new job upon my return. Back in my city again with all my friends, all I did was get drunk, get high and get drunk again.

My family was begging me to seek help, and of course I didn't. My friends noticed that during my holiday back home I was drunk all the time not only when I was at a party with them, tried to help. I cut them off.

Now, I suppose you can see all the stupid things I did, but that wasn't the worst of it. Over time, I became easily annoyed by everything, I needed my fix (alcohol & drugs) constantly and I even refused to admit (even to myself) that I have a problem.

It took a long time for me to realize that I need help. And after all the stupid things I did, I was lucky enough to still have two very good friends left, friends that I didn't even have to ask for help, who, for the lack of a better explanation and a lack of an advanced English vocabulary, felt that I am ready to accept it, did a very incredible thing. They used their savings to actually come in London for me, paid for accommodations for a few months (as I was living in a shared house) and kept an eye on me. Helped me reduce my alcohol intake until it wasn't more than a few beers during the hot weekends in the summer and helped me get rid of my drug addiction.

The next step in my healing was done by my current girlfriend. I met her as I was recovering, on another holiday back home, just a few months after my friends departed London and went back to their loved ones. She was there all the way, got me on a healthier mentality, I learned how to express myself (feeling wise) and because of here I got to a point where I'm only drinking a few beers at birthdays or other special occasions, and helped me quit smoking for good.

I guess that my point is, don't bottle everything up inside you. Find someone you can talk to, and if you love somebody, just tell them. It won't kill you. I promise.